basil

basil Sep 2019

this isn't really a poem. i just need somewhere that i can get my feelings out without feeling judged.

i feel like garbage. i had an overall good day, but for some reason, tonight turned to ****. i don't even know what's wrong. i just need a ******* hug, dude. that's really all i want. i feel like i have no one to turn to and it just... hurts.

i don't know how to put my thoughts in to words, but this is me trying.

basil Sep 2019

thinking of you

i miss smoking,
but i think i miss you more.

#love #smoking #nicotine

basil Aug 2019

early morning tears

every morning when i wake
i'm greeted by the smell of stomach aches
i wish i was not awake

each night when it is time
to rest my sleepy head
i often lay awake
and wish that i was dead
pray the lord my soul to take

every morning when i wake
it's still the smell of stomach aches

#sad

basil Aug 2019

</3

i love you. OH HOW I LOVE YOU !!!

drive me insane, go ahead. i'll let you.

#love

basil Aug 2019

woah dude

i want to scream as you plunge deeper in my soul
slowly, slowly
losing control

the lips of lovers loving
a feeling nearly unfamiliar
you have fast lips,
slow down a bit

#*** #love #lust

basil Aug 2019

yellow monarch butterflies

they say grief has 5 stages.
but which one am i at?

rewind.

dec. 24, 2014.
the last time i saw you
building little racetracks out of playdough for the younger kids.
i remember the little purple dolphin.

fast forward.

butterflies.
the little yellow monarch butterflies we used to find everywhere.
they remind me of you now.

rewind.

georgia.
making lean-to shelters in the backyard of the cabin.
we would catch tadpoles in little butterfly catching nets.
remember the big one i caught?
because i do.

cullen.
please catch butterflies up there for me, too.

i miss you

#suicide #family #sad #grief #mourning #depression

basil Aug 2019

who?

i'm talking about me. of COURSE i'm talking about myself. but who is "me"?

i don't know who i am.

#identity #sad