words exchanged our parents would **** us for
promised made that i don’t know i can follow through
a new relationship formed, a different one for me and you
consisting solely of your lust and my feeding into, cursing myself for every text sent
******* myself over, falling deeper and deeper once again into the idea of you
while you’re thinking of the idea of me in your bed wrapped in between sheets
desires tangled like naked bodies in bed
you are lust and i’m love, the messy bed had yet to be made

he only lays his eyes on me to create an image of who he wants me to be to lock away in his memories and replace who i am with who he wants me to be
he only desires me for my body, he’s come crawling back when i told him that the next relationship i have i think i’ll be ready to explore more of my sexuality
the desire to run hands up and down my thighs and hips never faded but whatever attraction that went deeper than physical died long ago and now the lust thrives within
he only likes me for what i have to offer, not in the moral sense of the phrase, i know he only speaks to me in this mannerism again just so she can see me on my knees staring up with pretty little eyes
he only wants me for my body and what i can supply but i still want him for his soul and his mind.

she gave me her nudes
she was bare
and naked
and so out
and open
and i willingly
accepted it
because it wasnt the nudes
that showed her body
the physical aspects
that made her beautiful
it was the words
she didnt choose
and the spontaneity
that left her
either from her lips
or her fingers
or ink

she was as bare
as her nudes
and i accepted
her for her.

i’m sorry.
i’m sorry in advance for the person i will be
when you meet me,
worse off than i am now,
if you can believe that.
if you want to blame someone please
do not blame me,
be patient with me, dear,
i promise i will get better.
blame the boy with strands of copper for hair,
electricity running through him.
i thought the sparks shooting off him
were a novelty
until they marred my arms with embers that
dissolved into flames and i was turned to ash
before he could ever apologize.
blame the boy with those eyes,
sapphires planted in his face where
eyes should be,
such a stunning color i looked past how
he could never love me.
my love, i wasted
two years (and counting) of my life on this
boy,
hopefully,
by the time i meet you i will be
over him.
you deserve so much more than
a girl still clinging to her past
with white knuckles.
blame the boy that i fell for
much too fast,
...correction:
thought i fell for.
by the time i meet you i hope
i know that
no matter how lonely i am,
i should not force something
that is not meant to be.
dear,
i am trying to heal from that,
trying to assure myself that i will not
lose feeling so quickly,
dilute something that was so beautiful and full of life
into something i cannot bear to look at.
my future lover,
i apologize in advance but
if i think i will give you any less than
all of me,
i will let someone else love you.

i know i’m still damaged.
broken, even.
i know i’m still healing, or
have yet to heal,
or i still need help but
in this salty air,
in this beautiful country,
i feel okay
for the first time in a
long time.
i feel okay.

we’ve struggled a bit
these past five years,
but we haven’t quit-
through the pain and the tears.
through the darkness and sorrow,
secrets & firsts,
the hope of every tomorrow
helps melt away the hurt.
through feelings like pastel
and feelings like charcoal
you made life feel less like Hell
and me feel more whole.
cause you know some days i’m lacking,
pieces missing from my dome,
the days i feel like just packing
up and going home.
the days i’m afraid to look in the mirror
cause i might not recognize what i see,
you’re there to quell my fear or
just be there for me.
so thanks for all the lovely moods
and words that build me towers,
you’re the one person i know who’s
most deserving of flowers. :)