when I have nothing else to tell you
I'll write a poem or two
strange words for a strange world
as strange as the last day of a year
we need new clothes for thoughts
to dance anew the horror, the splendour

Ours is something
To be explained away;
I love you
But– I think to myself.
I love you
But– there will be a day I do not.
I love you
But– I do not know what love means.
I love you
But–

You gifted me a vase
Rose, iris, baby’s breath, chrysanthemum
In purples and pinks and whites
They wither quickly
Alongside the spider webs in my closet,
They crack and brown
Buried in the darkness of thick winter blankets,
Hidden within the folds
Of that green dress I wore
They rot.

I stay awake until
The old clock ticks in silence,
Sound bouncing off empty corners and into the abyss,
I unsheathe the vase from my closet and hold it up
To the yellow-orange ceiling light,
Blinds drawn tightly,
Damage control;
“Live, please, live. Just a little longer.”
I press my nose into it,
And baby’s breath becomes hemlock,
Iris into nightshade,
Chrysanthemums now oleander,
And the roses–
Stay roses,

I press my nose into it,
Tears replenish dried water,
Feeding the poison,
Dying, slowly, in darkness.

I love you
But– this cannot be love.
I love you
But– I have not sacrificed,
Have not pained or labored or suffered,
I love you
But– If this is love
Then what have I known?

Ours was something
Of swimming pools and summer air,
White boy indie guitar,
Art museums and coffee,
Flowers, book stores, paint drops on your cheek,
It was leather car seats and upstairs lofts,
The frantic finding of fabric
As doors creaked open.

I bury my face into purple roses,
I swear they smell of you,
“I love you, I love you, I love you,”
A million times,
“I love you, I love you, I love you,”
Until the words melt
Into a meaningless sludge,
No one to hear them,
Sound bouncing off empty corners and into the abyss,
I love you
And–
I am leaving you.

I hear the Earth as she laughs
In the flowers that I plant
It's like they are all tickling
As they bloom in early Spring

I see the Earth as she smiles
With her dimpled daffodils
She keeps grinning back at us
In a pink peony blush

I hear her chuckle in the breeze
To the delight of daylilies
With each laugh they all know
It brings new colors to their fold

I have often heard it said
Every time the Earth laughs
Another flower is set to bloom
I guarantee that this is true

Every time the Earth laughs...

This world in its polarity
Is opposite to what God has planed
Here in the thick of negativity
It's hard to see beyond its losing hand

We make it harder than it needs to be
To shine on the positive side
Batteries included
When Jesus is your light

A shining light on top the hill
For all the world to see
God inspired, Spirit filled
For all of those who do believe

There is a running promise
From the very start of time
Batteries included
When Jesus is your light

Plug into the lasting energy
Of the one true God in charge
Leave behind the negative sin-ergy
Where we find we often are

Here's an idea worth doing
Make sure your bulb is tight
Batteries included
When Jesus is your light

when the silence of leaves comes to me
I dream of continents of clouds, yes, don't be surprised
I dream for Grandma too, she never saw them
not today, not tomorrow, but sometimes, who knows,
when my hands would be continents for you
I'll lend you my skin just for a moment,
just long enough to feel it lift me up and I'll
jump off it like on a trampoline back into
my own burrow - the salty, marine wonder of
blinking thoughts without orbit

poetry, this dear wasting like an unheard music,
the dissolving mint of dreaming
in Nichita's horses' mane
all day long god seems to be combing
the clouds that overflow in cascade,
always ruffled, like the shadows of thoughts

I have a little Attention Defi... what?
Lost my focus, I can't see

Not quite done with A
Now I'm moving on to Z

I cannot master anything
My interest starts to shift

I know a little bit of everything
Believe me, not a gift

If only I could focus
I'm afraid that isn't me

I might still have a chance
If I can master OCD

Getting crusty round the edges
Like a slice of day-old bread
From the bottom of my twisted toes
To the top of my balding head

Dehydrating like a side of beef
Jerky tough to chew
Not much of me is worth the keep
With nothing hanging that is new

Eyes that once were crystal clear
Now no more than a blur
Please speak loud so I can hear
The meaning of your every word

The lines I blamed on laughter
Aren't funny anymore
Ask me what's the matter
Long ago stopped keeping score

You can take this slice of day-old bread
Remove most of the mold
But when all is done and all is said
Man, I'm getting old

Let’s preface this with
I am a mess
If you happen to wonder
If you haven’t yet guessed

If you haven’t hung out
With me long enough
Give it a minute
It ain’t all that tough

It’s not like I really
Started this way
It took years of practice
Countless mistakes

To get to the point
Where I am today
Making my way
Through this melee

Not trying that hard
At doing my best
If you haven’t guessed
I am a mess