Slowly, without warning
You had dug a hole underneath me
And I was too busy,
too preoccupied, trying to love you
To notice how low
I had really gotten

Looking up,
seeing the distance to where I once stood
I reached up to you,
thinking you would pull me out
But you just walked away.
Leaving me stranded
All alone

And it took me quite some time
To crawl my way up
And you watched as I struggled
As I used every ounce of what you left of me
To try and scratch my way back to the light
Never thinking I would muster the strength
To finally reach the top

As I was inches away
My struggle almost over
Then you came back
Making sure to push me back down
To where you had left me.

My fight is not over,
I will reach where I once stood.

As we stumble around
Bodies pressed together
I was baptized in your name
Covered in your sweat,
Like I was doused in holy water
Nibbling your flesh like wafers
Your saliva on my tongue
Reminding me of communion wine
But everything about you
Taste much sweeter
This is our sacred act
Our own religion

Concern for
My ever breakable heart
A fear that I will
Be buried underneath
The pain that this will
Inevitably cause me
My heart has been
Through so much
There are parts missing
Lacerations and bruises
I don’t know how much more
It can take
But you pull me in
Making me think
Maybe
I can survive
One more heart

I promised you
That I wouldn’t leave
I would stay
Right here
Beside you

But I didn’t realize
How hard it would be
And I don’t know if  
That’s a promise
I can keep

I go outside
Every time it storms
Hoping that the rain
Will wash you
Out of my bones

Growing up
We’re told that
We should
Watch our drinks at parties
Not go out alone
Carry pepper spray
Don’t talk to strangers on the street

But no one ever warns you
About the boy with the brown eyes
Who tells you
“You’re pretty”
Who takes you on your first
Real dates

No one warns you
About the boys
Who try to impress you
The ones
Who steal your heart
And make it flutter

Those are the boys
Who you should be careful about
They know their intentions
As well as you do

I don’t remember much
About that night
It was filled with cheap alcohol
And the smell of the fire

I do remember
Telling you "No":
That no matter how much I drank
I didn’t want
What came
Later that night

I woke up the next morning
Feeling regret and blaming myself
I cried to my friends
As I did my makeup in front of the mirror

You took something from me
That I can never get back
But I didn’t talk about it
For quite some time
Because I thought
It was my fault

But as I grew
I realized
What you actually did

Now I do not blame myself
I only blame you