lord, I ask you—make him good for me,
give him courage; make him mine
and in the meantime, let me dream sweetly
of feverish summers, him and his eyes
please do not deepen my agonies,
do not blacken them
make my agonies of beauty,
silky and sunlit with peonies,
birds singing, my mother laughing
because how will I stand yet another
bad dream about him?
please do not deepen my agonies,
do not blacken them
if you will not give me him, give me beauty
spat out of your mouth, warmed by your hands
I shall love it as if it were a lover
taken from my journal