I can hear my heartbeat
it is thumping
like a cat at the door
wanting attention
or maybe just wants
in from the rain
I do not know anymore...

there is an umbrella
at my front door
and one at my back door
one in the trunk of my car
and one in my closet
I had one extra
but I lost it

I enjoy the rain
especially at sundown
when the sky is champagne
I love the feeling of wet grass on my feet
and when the rain is over
all of my friends begin to sing

then there were times
when I would give anything
to see the sun shine
when my eyelids become pruned
from crying
and the constant cloud
over my head
pouring down
I would have sold my soul
to have had an umbrella
just lying around

my thought process
seems to confuse
everyone else
and it is beginning to confuse
myself
but I am not scared
I am prepared
the storms come
but they always scatter

I can only remember this part...

Maybe a lucid dream hope I've gone to bed with every night.
Perhaps a sleeping memory.

You...
Running your fingers a hairs breadth away from my skin.

Traveling carefully...
From my forehead down to my tinted cheek,
Moving the curls that had been in the way as we talked.

You gently pulled back your hand,
As if, not to offend me by its retreat to your pocket.

You murmured an apology to yourself and I could only muster half a laugh...

Partly because of the endearing gesture,
Also... the surprise of your touch.

You spoke up louder after a second, all the while staring at me with a misplaced bewilderment in your eyes.

"That's what scares me about you" is what finally materialized through the cold fogged breathes our impromptu conversation inspired.

And..

I didn't know if you meant the idea of it,
Or the realization of the fall.



*©NDHK

I look up and admire how

the night-sky carefully hugs a

universe of gas-filled clouds;

the way a mother

hugs her child returning from

war. I wonder if I can see

you up there, between the clouds,

safe,

home, but you have nothing

left

inside your corpse because I remember

you told me,

the sun nourishes its forest the way I

care for you and the forest

has since burned

down.


I want to believe that is how you

went. But I know you

always carried a lighter and enjoyed

watching your home burn down to the ground,

unite with grains of Earth,

rocks of past lives,

reduce to tears then gas then clouds then


You. Don’t you dare call me a sun

when I can’t feed myself to save my life but I have to

believe that is how you went.


The night is almost over now and ******* it there are no

visible clouds at night so why

do I repeat your mistakes? Why

have I turned my nights into

life and days into

Fear and hope into

You.


Maybe it is because I am not a

Sun, a son, a someone;

but merely flesh carefully

hugging bones the way a mother hugs

her child returning from

war. Maybe it’s because

I am scared of existing without

You.

Or maybe it’s because I know.

Baby I know.

The sun cannot hurt you at night.

Come back.

Exist.

Even if it’s in the form of rain.

Please.

I nicknamed you. Kichimoto.

After a demon, radioactive, samurai hypno-bunny.
I think it's why I'm falling in love with you.

It was raining yet it was perfect weather; the wind rustling through the trees. I was standing solemnly looking at her hair, which was rambling in the air. It seems wind stopped there momentarily to play with her hair. With which, the struggle, she tried to keep her hair intact with her hands. The sight by the edge of cliff. I see only yellow from that point and I wished to write about her but after a moment I realized that I was so mesmerized by the sight of her struggle with her hair that I don't even bother to look at her face. A faceless Girl.

I tried to fix you,
Because that's what I do.
I look for imperfections and cracks.
And as I tried to put your pieces
Back together, I
Noticed that I was
Slowly
Chipping away.
I am more broken than you.
Instead of putting you back
together, I should have been
saving myself.