A deep dark throbbing void
Thoughts of a long lonely road
Standing at this juncture, self-sacrifice
Half a life gone, of turmoil, turbulence

For better, for worse, for whatever it is worth
That chapter, that door, tightly shut. No more filth!
Never to be open again, never to peek in
Half a life, ya Allah! Have mercy. Show a sign!

Dark heavy clouds hovering around
Sunshine and hope peeking all the same
Peace of mind, a relief at times
Turmoil and angry bursts at other times

Standing alone under the shower
Under the roof of an empty house
Cry into the emptiness, the void forever
Wash away the tears, the fear, and the worries

Walk out to the world with a confident smile
No one the wiser to the dark ugly turmoil
The bursting pain behind the eyes, clawing out a mile
Clawing the sides, clawing up, a bursting skull

Yet, standing tall, standing proud
Is that pride? Is that strength? Is that weakness?
Weakness to reach out, seek help
Alone, alone!

Alone in to the world from darkness to the light
Alone out of the world from these blinding lights
Out to the darkness of gate of hereafer
Time will come to meet the lord, to make things right

Until then play this game of life

It is a curse to believe you need the certainty,
To live life expecting a ting of morality.
It is an insatiable need to maintain,
A scream in vain.
It is obnoxious to believe you can know someone,
It is an impossible feat for anyone,
You cannot dwell deep and fix their scars,
No one reveals all, not when it's their secrets hidden behind their own prison bars.
It is a myth, a legend,
That love solves all,
It is a children's fantasy to believe in the fairy tale end,
And yet, I try, even faced with the growing wall.
There were storms and plague,
Emotions which were vague,
The pain seemed unending,
And yet there was no craving for a new beginning.
Things have ended before,
I figured it out so it fled my core,
Some were easy, some hard, some I let go and some I fought,
But you, I still try, to figure out.
So that is the story, that is the certainty,
A joke upon a joke on my soul that needs the clarity,
To realize I can never be certain,
Hence unable to stop trying, a mess, a failure, an outcast in pain.

you are the calm of the torrential rain
good from far, get drenched out there
you are the stars in the sky
twinkling from afar, unattainable reality
you are the blue of the horizon
ocean meeting the sky in a straight line
you are the green of the mountain range
jagged here and there with gigantic rocks
you are the blazing hot sun
upfront, upclose, not safe for me to be bare
you are the mellow yellow moon
melting my heart, putting my guard down
you are in my dreams and waking thoughts
making me weep of joy, also of sorrow
you are ...
so much more ...
you are my proverbial shoulder, my punchbag

I miss you like one would miss bruised knees
(From all our time on the floor)

I miss you like I miss the bottom of the cement pool
(Even though that's where my friends are)

I miss you like I miss razors raking my skin
(But my arms still beg for more)

I miss you like I miss the party scene
(Still think of it from time to time, though)

I miss you like flowers miss winters frost
(Cold and biting, never giving in)

I miss you like I miss hands around my neck
(I think I'd still say I love you, yet)

many a time in life we see,
people coming together, the guilt their fee,
the mystery, the secret, their favorite glee,
brief but satisfying as long as they see,
understanding that, what they feel would never be free,
the best time in their life, it could turn out to be.

Mesmerised, I look into your eyes,
a cold wind, as we begin
Our journey, t'ward Eternity.
My hand waiting for yours,
the stars, they soar.
We are floating above Mountains,
drinking from Fountains,
sipping from the elixir of life.

My eyes open,
the token of your love, in my left hand, a Ring.
The future it promised to bring.

Once more I am alone,
i no longer own, this moment.

The leaves they dance, as our romance,
leaves behind Morsels.
A shell remains,
engulfed in flames,
a furnace of Self Blame,
i take the plunge.
And i walk, i eat
our Memories, Plans
your Final Goodbye
your Wants, Demands.
The marching band drums
beat in time with my Tortured soul,
we were Supposed to grow old.
I pick up the fork and force down Guilt,
upon the foundations we built,
cemented together by loves haze.

Worlds at a time, I combine,
Mine and Yours,
Unopened doors.

The house we never furnished,
the walk we never took,
the book that was never written,
Our story unfinished,
Your life Diminished.

I sit, take a sip of my tea,
it doesn't taste the same.
The razors don't take away the pain,
of hearing Your Name.