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Shanath Feb 2018
And I wore a sweater yesterday
But today I bled through my skin,
And in the street today
Shedding of the hearts
Did flood my eyes
And I sniffed back the tears
While unscrewing the dull red bulb.
But I could no longer hold
When you went
And I guess this is it
This is where I end.
Survival is hard after a taste of love,

I always knew but I was cheated by hope.
  Feb 2018 Shanath
Hans Peter
I told her I had lost my mind
she said it won't be hard to find
Show me the place where you last been
and hopefully they will let us in

Follow me, I said in kind
she led the way I walked behind
'How will this work if I'm in front'
'I have no clue', me being blunt

I see it there right in front of me
I don't understand why you can't see
this place that has grabbed my soul
and laid it's claim with a large flagpole

She turned around and looked at me
it's then she realized what I could see
losing my mind is not so bad
I feel more complete than I ever had
Shanath Feb 2018
Four stacks spaced out,
The biggest with waves of curtains
The third with books,
The fourth had my shoes.
The top most out of my reach.
My father and brother
Would stack them in
But I climbed on a chair
And threw some covers in.

That same chair
Black with wheels
My father thought I will study in
Ran over my right foot
Last my sister was here.
As she examined it, I learnt
My sister had finally become
The woman she studied for.
The chair now nurses a few ***** laundry.

Last evening my right foot
Became useless
When I stubbed my left
On the corner of the bed
I laughed at the irony
That I had no perfect foot
To compare the new acquired deformity.
I rubbed some ice
And decided to not speak of my injuries.

The first injury I flaunted here
Was from unwrapping a new knife,
My father realized then
That probably I won't make it alone.
So he then cut off pieces
Of papers and cloth
To place in the closet.
I received in total six major cuts.
The last closet, I arranged by my myself.

The other room in this new house
Made some funny noises,
I checked it out myself
And spoke to my mother after
But I didn't mention it to her.
She doesn't call me in the mornings
To wake me up now,
My father waits till it's eleven,
And my sister during her drive to work.

I start conversations with my brother now,
I see the words we speak same,
And he asks of me.
I have a friend too
I confessed love for
And he did too.
And I am happy,
I declare, I sing.
Yet I have tears on my cheeks.

I do not understand this
I am getting everything
I fought for.
And having it all
I can't help but anticipate
The day it will all be taken away.
Why do I realize now
That happiness isn't real
Only the yearning of the same is.
Sleepless nights,
Red eyes.
I can't think straight.

Not now, perhaps soon
Again.
Shanath Feb 2018
Buried my head within my arms
Leaned myself enough to see the white dog
Crouched and closed,
As if hugging himself
He was trying to beat the winter cold
And I, the cold of my heart
From seeping outside.

If the stars had been sleeping now
The poised old man
Would be out
With his cup of tea
And I, with my mug.
He would try to survive the silence of years
And I, to prolong the one going on.

I am not good with people,
I don't think he is.
But I connect to them both
In our silent stares.
Once I had waved to him,
Once alone,
And I click my tongue from here

Every time he barks for attention.
The stars are out now
Tomorrow afternoon,
For I will be away in the morning
Collecting sadness,
I will return and wave to him back,
Its time we both find people again.
Time is ample
My heart though, whimpers.


(I promise I will read.)
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