We went to his old house today
I helped him collect his belongings
And also throw away some
I stood in silence
Engulfed in my thoughts
Of how many of these things were hers
Or were from her
And I saw the changes in his expressions
With each item
And I hate that he allows me to have wonder
If these things brought his mind
Back to the past
And even after a years time
I still can't help to feel second
To the girl who could never love you
Like I do

I was so full of words
So full of life
So put together
And everytime I looked at the sun
My eyes stayed wide open

Now:
I'm at a loss of words
I feel lifeless
I feel lost
And everytime I look at the sun
I squint my eyes out of fear

I want to rip out my rib cage
And make it into a piano
I want to open my chest
And let my heart beat act as a drum
I want to open up my wrist
And make my veins into a guitar
So that I can write the saddest song
About a girl who had everything
Until she let herself go
Into a dark hole of endless lies
That she began to believe
I want to write the saddest song
About a girl who knew she could
Until she was told she couldn't
The girl thought she could be lovely
Until society made her think she was ugly
It isn't fair
For a girl who had it all right
To be lost and be wanting to die
I hope the song doesn't end with her ending
Because I am the girl
Who is left playing a song
That never knows the next word to sing

There was never a time and place
That I was able to think of myself without your face
And I never knew if that's because I loved you
Or because I didn't want to know what was true
At times I realize that this isn't right
But every time I do my heart puts up a fight
Because the pain that my brain can imagine
Without you is something I don't want to fathom
And with every single insult that you aim towards me
Is pierced through every part of my body
Discluding my heart
That is unable to rip us apart
I'll never know if waiting for change
Or waiting for you to rearrange
Is the smartest thing for a frail girl like me to do
But everything in my life is now centered around you
You have control over my every action
I feel like my heart to you was a simple transaction
But why can't I see the love I give in you
We're a two way mirror and I can't see what you do
I can only see myself knowing that you're on the other side
I try to run but I can't hide
From the truth that I need more than this
And that I'm unable to open my eyes when we kiss
Because I'm terrified of seeing you look back at me
With open eyes but otherwise empty
You are the first lover who I would do anything for
But I'm worn out and you still want more
I can't stand when you say the things you do
Like how we both need to pull through
When you're the one who got us in this mess
I always think your harshness is a test
To see how far you can push me before I'm on the edge
But dealing with this forever is something I refuse to pledge
Everyone tries to tell me you aren't worth it
But I tell them that I don't want to forfeit
Because you're not all bad and hell
I pray that I get out of this wishing well
Collecting enough change
In hopes to see us change
I promised that I'd love you until I couldn't
But I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't
Because I could love you until the day my heart gives out
That is if you help me rid this doubt
Steady ground is what I seek
At times I feel like we're standing on the highest peak
And other times I feel like I'm alone at the bottom of the sea
Waiting for you to rescue me
But most times you never show
And I'm left feeling like you never let me know
If you adore me as you say you do
If you truly mean the words I love you
I'm fighting a battle I'm unable to win
I'm constantly ripping off my skin
To see if there's something lingering within me
That will help you see
That I would die for you
But what if that's all you ever wanted me to do

I am dancing around the problem
With a smile on my face
All for you
To find me endearing
I can't remember the last time
You danced with me
I came to think this way:
you're too quick to cut me off
When I wait around by the phone
Only to hear your apathetic tone
Creating a fog
I can't see my feet anymore
But I know where I'm venturing to
Oh how I know how to dance
Around a problem

If I continue dancing for you
Will you decide to join me?
Will you hold me
In the comfort of loving arms?
Will you guide me
Across this wooden floor?
Will you dance with me?
Or shall I dance over tears
And twirl around my lover
Who will never learn how to dance

It ******* ***** that you broke our trust
Because ever since I've taken you back
I've been insecure as ****
Even though you have been wonderful
And I don't want to be that way
I'm just so afraid to lose you
All over again
All while loving you
more than I did the first time