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i am the girls you haven’t kissed
the patch of skin below your wrist
i am the sky dark before dawn
your hair before you cut it, blonde and long
i am your neighbors window, a grocery bag
i am the best and the worst thing you’ve never had

you’ll dream of me as soon as i leave
i’ll pretend i don’t know that you watched me sleep
whispered my name, it was almost noon
wiped my eyes and swallowed the moon
thought about you on the train ride home
i’m not allowed to love you, i’ll leave you alone
(falling for you)
The ticks pound in my head
like African drums.
Each tock sounds off
another second of life lost.
And another.
And another.

The silence is too loud.
The voices aren't as quiet.
They're more than murmurs in my head.
I hear them clearer than ever before.
Focused.
Intelligible.

I've done so much in life
But I've done nothing.
I'm surrounded by people
Yet completely alone.
Facades.
Fears.

Past memories resurface.
The worst of them first.
How could I have accepted it?
How could I have not stopped it?
Alcohol.
Abuse.

I've seen hatred.
The dark side of the coin.
I've seen lives fall apart
And walls crumble.
Death.
Divorce.

I'm close to ending it all.
It would only take one slice.
I've summoned up the courage.
I'm not "okay" anymore.
Red.
Running.

My mind is getting hazy,
But it's clearer than it's ever been.
My worries are draining out of me
As well as life.
Darkness.
Descending.

I'm getting cold now.
My feeling is fading away.
The ride ends here.
All I want to do is sleep.
And sleep.
*And sleep.
I'm neither struggling with depression nor suicidal. I just wanted to put myself in the mindset of someone who is and write about it.
I've become addicted to pain. The kind that leaves you troubled, broken, and insane. 

I've become indifferent to shame. So cast out all your sins and let me shoulder all the blame. 

I've become distracted by flames. As I watched you burning out, I felt nothing- what a shame. 

I've become indifferent to rage. I've put the past behind me, I'm not bothered with why you didn't stay. 

I've become addicted to pain. Not the kind were skin breaks, but the one where the heart's ripped out its cage. 

No one said forever would ever be forever enough.
sometimes
i apologize so much
i feel like i'm saying sorry for my existence
I'm so sorry
If you listen in the silence,
you hear the voices,
whispering dark things.
Not everyone can hear their
iniquitous murmurs, heavy with danger.
You'll hear the secrets of the past,
the lies of the present,
and the ideas of the future.
but no voice is without a body,
and when you start noticing them,
they'll start noticing you.
inspired by a horror story
god knows i'm a walking nightmare
the people in my life
that make me think that i am less of a failure
and a disappointment to my friends and family;

the people that assure me that i don't put a burden on everyone i know...

so, *thank you.
[honorable mentions: to those who i barely talk to or that are strangers to me, thank you for sparing your sanity by not being well acquainted with me]
The girl that loved  so hard,
She ended up to be  broken
Yet so loving still
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