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shadowspade May 2019
I wish I could feel
with this empty heart.
In search for love,
I've torn it apart.
In these hands,
the colour leaks.
and in my soul
I hear death speak.
shadowspade Mar 2019
I don't feel special,
I'm not unique.
I want to cry
but I can't even speak.
My hands reach out,
but they cannot hold
a single thing
but the bitter cold.
Everything's frozen,
I feel lost.
Even my tears
have turned to frost.
When I cut my waist
it bleeds black.
I'm so deeply gone
there's no way back.
This is goodbye
shadowspade Feb 2019
My heart leaks through my fingertips
and drips onto the page.
There is pain, hurt and there is despair,
I can't put on a pretty face.

When I was trapped in the ground,
he made it feel like I could fly.
But his love is different,
because it came with a price.

Soon I learned that flying...
it's impossible.
An ugly truth hid behind a gorgeous lie.
We weren't indecomposable.

Black liquid flows from my eyes,
I remember when they were clear.
But when I look in the mirror,
the worst has come - I fear.

Though everything feels dead,
I am still alive.
My soul feels like it's burning.
This is what it means
to die inside.
shadowspade Feb 2019
There are mountains on my back,
and it hurts like hell to carry them.
I was supposed to only climb...
but I never really was one for climbing.
shadowspade Feb 2019
I wish that I could bring you back,
to that one point in time.
So that I could kiss your forehead
and tell you it'll all be fine.

To hold your hand in mine,
and wipe away your tears.
But when I reach out to find you,
All I can grasp is my deepest fear...

The fear that you're gone.
The kind of gone that you can't come back from.
I blame it on myself,
and drown it all in ***.

You would have been here
when I broke my own heart.
You wouldn't have done what I did,
you wouldn't have let me part.

I betrayed you.
And now I need you.
But all I have is your tombstone
and I fear my life has taken on a dark hue.

I want to touch your face,
be there for each other one last time.
Now all I can do is pace
and wish I was there to say goodbye.
shadowspade Feb 2019
What is depression?


It's not always so obvious.
Depression hides

It's staying up until 4 a.m
without a reason.

Depression is crying until your pillow is soaked
without really knowing why.

When your heart is hurting so bad,
you can FEEL the pain in your chest.

It's not always a knife
dragged on once pure skin.
Depression isn't the cut,
it's the darkness that hides within.

It's knowing that one day you'l be happy,
but not knowing if you'll get there in time
to save yourself
to save your mind.

Depression is hoping you'll be okay,
but not believing happiness is in your future.

It's wanting to cry out for help
but not knowing what you need help with.

It hides in anxiety,
and shows itself in smiles.
It'll lie to your face
and you'll believe it.

We all do.
shadowspade Jan 2019
I roll over in the mornings,
and your face is no longer there.
I reach out to touch what used to be,
but my fingers are greeted by empty air.
When I pull the blankets up,
there's a hint of your once lively cologne.
And now, when I'm cold at night,
I pull the comforter up to my nose, so I'm not alone.
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