they sent ashes to his widow with a letter of apology
told her how brave he was, for serving his country
how quick a sob turned to a wail
for the sweet soldier who had fell
he fought and died for what he felt was right
and left his lady lost in the night
"I promise I won't be away for long,
before you know it, I'll be home."
words echoing through her ears
she feels like drowing in these tears
because he promised, he never lied
she felt betrayed because he died
the laugther, the love, there was plenty
and now she's numb, feeling empty
because this can't be true
she vividly remembers eyes so blue
and a smile that reached the corners of her soul
he made her feel alive, free and whole
she touches her stomach, and knows she must go on
because it's not just her, she's not alone
there's a child coming, any day now
and she has to be strong somehow
for the little one who will also grieve
for a father who isn't here, who had to leave

And the scars you  call  sovaneirs that mark your
arms and haunt your dreams.
The canvas tattred at times.
belongs to a tortured artist it seems.

Beatings breed the monster none will ever know.
Cast into the emptyness as a child.
Cries fell apon deaf ears screams in need of a direction
to go.

No photos or memories past do I
tressure.
the outcast understands the truth.
And does reside with the pain of plessure.

And the wicked will always find.
A subject so innocent.
For the weak are always left behind.

Blood apon the hands secrets eat at the soul
like a cancer.
Insanity has no reason.
Questions are asked for which i have no answer.

From chaos ive risen to bury that ghost.
Taken a form of a clown.
trapped within a prison this shell is but
a tempary host.

underneath the laugther it always does exist.
Passed of in conversations
Im fine I always insist.

It's no worry it's only a part time
lessure.
In the emptyness of my darkend soul.
I know the true pain of plessure.

At this very instance,
A mother has lost her child,
Her kin, her reflection, her life.

At this very instance,  
A son has lost its father,
His best friend, his guide, his light.

At this very instance,
A girl has lost her brother,
Her shadow, her protector, her laugther.

At this very instance,
A man has lost his love,
His happiness, his companion, his morning light.   

At this very instance,
Someone stares into the eyes of death.
Speechless, in awe of its profound depth.

At this very instance...

As in the tears light does escape in the darkest fear.
Pleading in silence yerning for the  departure of  my soon
lost  mind.

Why we we must travle a road only to see it's end.
The path unsure requires a steady broken soul.
My emptyness know great depth.

A game of  life  a promise of death.
Behind laughter pain does exist.
Another night escapes me one of many regrets.

The wind a companion the road a void of nights
gentle embrace.
Ive searched for a reason tangled in the traps of
agony's plessure cast dellusion.

A snow globe heart  awaits its fatal dance
with the floor.
In the arms of passion  we feel the wrath of
times  bitter  truth.

I am the clowns  washed clean face.
Ive serched for a depth.
To find a poets soul ive found not a trace.

I struggle to resist.
She drops the glass as it breaks apon a slab floor.
No longer the clown do I see.
One pull and tommorows painting will be erased.
From a spark of pure creation and a fatal destruction.

Into a night  a end of my choosing.
Maybe we knew the past was soon to be are end.
Heart's like all things bleeding easily betray.
For only clocks and urns apon the mantle were ment to stay.

In choosing this path it sets a page blank.
Allowing many to read that which  was never seen.
In darkness the mystery leaves little light.

So as we toast to a suicide.
The trigger is pulled.

A ****** up sesibility is matched
only by a cryptic verse.
As in chains we exist trapped in soul
lost within the mind.

Sunsets in red  oceans of  passions failure
no longer free   to the laugther trapped within
my head.

The soon to be  forgotten fade.
As in the depths we chase demons  of are own creation
shallow  in thought.
Washed in tommorows legend  and  dried
by reallty's ever changing truth.

stuck in a prison of pain
my hands touch the bars
a little cage i find myself in
i hear something far away
****** sound of laugther
****** lies in my face
all the people seem so happy
you and your new lover
it all made me sick and tired
now the questions arise
guess my time has expired
my hands touch my ears
this life is such a dead end
what have i done wrong
why do i have to be strong
in a prison i don't belong
i crawl back and think it all over again
no more writing about you on the wall
no more other people to break my fall
the gates of hell are opened for me
maybe they want me back
maybe they want me just to see
the me has been taken from me
and i should go in to find
i embrace the darkness
i cry to clear my mind
in the prison of pain
it are my own hands that bind

I joke around all day, all happy and glad
And it seems like nothing could ever make me sad
Cause I'm crazy, hyper and I drive everyone mad

But when I'm home im my room, by myself, all alone
Listening to music, on my computer or my phone
The truth about myself, I can feel in my bone

The doubts comes over me, with surprising speed
The thought about myself, "Will I ever succeed"?
The thought that during the day, is impossible to read

Even though I know that all my friends are real
And I still cannot believe that I feel the way I feel
Reality comes over me, and I think "What's my deal?"

I would never think of doubting myself during the day
Cause when I'm with my friends, I never doubt my way
But at night, it comes, and it doesn't matter what you say

I know I'm not alone to think and feel like that
To feel the pain of thinking my life is just flat
If need to find way to color up under my hat

But laugther is the best medicin, as we've all been told
So when the happyness is gone and your smile has been sold
Read some jokes, watch a comedy, and your frown will simply fold
Just put on the coat of laughter, and you will not feel the cold