Listen to me when I say that we have a choice
There was a time in my life I dreamed of my own bleeding heart
Spurting insignificant blood, just another body on this planet, just another ****** watery existence soaking up Earth’s resources, love from others like a water bottle with no bottom where everything just feels empty at the end of the day, being idle and quiet on the outside with a storm raging on the inside, unable to make sense of everything- so incredibly overwhelmed by the immense pain surrounding me and so incredibly disconnected from the person I used to be- one who truly believed in her own power and the power of those around her.
When I lost my strength and my belief, I lost my understanding that I can make a difference
Who I am today is different than the person I was a year ago, and while that shakes my bones
What keeps me alive is knowing that for every bad thing I have done, there is more good
For every mistake I have made, there are successes
We can’t live our lives focused on our downfalls
Or we will only fall down
We must as Denzel says “fall forward”
I spent too much time allowing thoughts like I didn’t deserve a place on this earth to win over all good thoughts
Triumphed in the battle of wits
All mixed up and twisted in my mind
Chasing momentary happiness and fulfillment, never finding it in smiles and moments of joy because a heavy cloud was drowning my head with rain....but ive always loved rain
In the chaos of a world filled with turmoil, chaos, injustice, and fear
We live in between each other
Avoiding stares
Avoiding each other
Unless we need something from another
In the margins of each other’s lives
And here, in a country where we have the money and the time and the energy to make a difference
We drain ourselves emotionally down black holes of our own worlds
It’s amazing the way that movements are sparked based on one root idea
It spreads like fire and in so many directions
From one original piece
Like the “all you need is love” and you may say im a dreamer but im not the only one
Dreams are incredible things, if only we use them to create a better tomorrow
Instead of hoplessly helplessly waiting for tomorrow to come to us
We all live so selfishly
And I know this from my own selfish beating heart
But my beating heart tells me that I am here for a purpose so far beyond money, success, and even personal growth
Personal is absolutely important, but until we completely forget ourselves
Sacrifice and surrender ourselves to the issues at hand
That is when and only when we can truly make a difference
When we are determined
To take action today, and know that the seeds we plant will not grow those fruits tomorrow
But that we can imagine farther down the line that the world will be a better place
And knowing that future generations can make a bigger impact after that
I believe we are all system busters
There is so much wrong in the way we work
And constant reminders of the pain, suffering, tyranny, and sadness in the world
And if we turn a blind eye to that and continue to be fogged up by our own sadness and pain
We will become walking zombies
We are all walking zombies
Here for a mission
To make our lives mean so much more than individual relationships, control, and power
We are here to love each other, to stand together, to grow community and laugh in the face of despair
The only way we are ever going to get out of this perpetual darkness is if we awaken in ourselves the most positive, the one who believes in every action making a change
For it is only when we believe we are makng a change that we can
It is only when we lose hope that all hopes of change are lost
And I sometimes think I am insignificant
In the sea of voices echoing each other
We need to hear your story,
we need every voice
We need every single heart
For every movement
And you might feel connected to many movements
But the only way to make those movements stay powerful is if your voice is heard
So we want to hear you
and we need your ears to listen
to take a backseat
I know what it feels like to look around east and west and for miles it feels like no one will listen to your truth
Or you feel like your truth is unimportant
Or you feel like giving up all hope in yourself that you can make that difference
But we are only powerful as we
If we can lose ourselves in each other, if we can give to each other the gift of believing
I have been hanging onto negative words and emotions like they are the only things I really have
Facing my demons every single day
Who tell me that my life is not worth living
That my heart is evil
That my words are empty
That my soul is ingenuine and manipulative
Whispers to me that I do not deserve to be here
Whispers to me that no one really likes me
Tells me my mistakes
And yells at me for waking up
So when I finally get some quiet and peace is when I am asleep, then I live in my dreams
I am relieved of the burden of being human
And those aren’t better places but they are escpaes, because no matter what happens there
I do have to face it once I wake up
and here i am, awake, and open, and trying
to face today
with the hope
and the strength to fight