A Christmas Thought (short story)
by
rgpage

This time of the year,  when once giving from the heart has since melted like the snow in Spring to the meaningless demand for expensive toys and gadgets;  and Santa has waned to no more than the all-giving sugar daddy to each and every child,  and a tireless crutch to the mindless parent during the year; “Santa’s watching so you’d better be good.”

And alas,  there I stood in this huge department store amid a vast forest of toys, colors, and noises, fallen prey to this modern day hypocrisy known as Christmas.  Being of a lower middle economical standard,  and having with such stealth blindness juggled expenses and bills to afford myself the opportunity to plunge even deeper into dept.  I pondered these playful wonders of modern day technology.  All about countless numbers of people were doing as I in efforts to reward their children for their year of good service.

This was when I saw her. As fast as this seasonal frenzy had overtaken me just days earlier,  it vanished for a time as I watched her. It must have been that she seemed so out of place in this hurry-scurry festive scene of Christmas shopping that she caught my eye.  She was very old and her tattered,  worn out clothing all too obviously reflected the fact that she couldn’t afford much.  While others struggled about her almost comically laden with brightly colored  packages, this old woman had nothing more than an old purse dangling from her arm.  Slowly she moved, seemingly pained with the infirmities which accompany old age.  She appeared overweight for her stature which I’m sure added to her discomfort.  When she stopped in front of the doll section  her old, pudgy face glowed with joy.  Undoubtedly a doll for a little granddaughter,  I was  sure no more as she couldn’t possibly afford more.  I watched as she studied each doll
and its price tag,  going from one to the next.  Finally she stopped to give particular attention to one little doll adorned with colorful ribbons and big bright blue eyes.  Then putting the doll back,  she opened her purse and I watched as she counted the small amount of money that she had.  

By this time I had become so unexplainably absorbed with watching the old woman,  who with a smile closed her purse, retrieved the doll and walked slowly and painfully to the checkout counter to wait in line.  Around her the noise of parents and children alike waiting their turn to check out didn’t seem to bother her as she patiently waited, holding the precious little doll for an equally precious granddaughter.  Finally when her turn came, an all to cruel yet human trait appeared in not only the people waiting behind her but the checkout clerk as well. Their impatience to maintain a steady flow of human traffic through the turnstiles came to the forefront almost obliterating this seasonal spirit.  This didn’t seem to deter the old woman from slowly and surely counting out the correct change,  leaving her very little to return to her purse.

With this done and the doll tucked away in a shopping sack,  she proceeded through the large glass doors and out into the cold December night.  A passing thought, “one special gift for one special person,” went through my mind as I continued my own, now more selective tour of annual duty.  Looking over my shoulder for one last glimpse of the old woman, I suddenly felt as if struck by a jolt of electricity as I saw her on her back in the slushy snow, struggling like an over-turned turtle.

Bolting out the door hoping to be the first to reach her,  I almost found myself lying next to her on the slick sidewalk.  Nothing was said as I struggled to lift her up.  Once this was accomplished I asked her if she was alright.  Instead of answering  she started looking around for her package.  I spotted the torn, soaked paper sack some ten feet away in a slushy puddle and went to retrieve it.  The doll had come half way out of the sack and her little blonde curls were now filled with water and slush; and as I handed it back I searched the old woman’s face for even a trace of sadness, there was none. Instead she looked at me smiled and said, “thank you young man, it’ll dry out, it’ll be alright, Merry Christmas.”  Then holding the doll in both hands, she turned and went on her way, much slower and much more cautiously.  I just stood there and watched her until she finally disappeared in the crowd and darkness and thought to myself, “maybe Santa Claus isn’t a man after all.”

Right at the corner of the street
An antique store lights it bulb
I went it
My eyes stuck at the shiny matroyshka doll

The owner stood up
And gave me the doll

The 1st doll look so happy
There is sparkle in its eyes and the smile shines as bright as the star who lights up the darkness of the night

I open the 2nd doll
It smiles without any sparkle on its eyes
It smiles as if it has no soul

I open the 3rd doll
It has no expression
It doesn't look happy or sad either

As my head is spinning around
I look and open the 4th doll
With the sad look on its face
I start to realize that something is off

Then I open the last one
And i feel like I'm watching myself

A broken pieces doll

Deep in my heart
I feel like it is me

I smile as bright as the sun like the first doll
While I'm actually broken inside like the last doll

You start a baby doll,
a small doll,
a good doll.
You are raised
a smart doll,
a big doll
that takes care of herself
from the earliest age.

You know how not to ask for much,
since your parents argue quite a lot,
and your father is a bit afraid,
as if you are about to break,
and your mother seems a little sad,
and maybe just a bit too sharp.

And no one seems to know
what they should do,
so, you, the big doll,
decide,
it’s up to you.

You learn to be the perfect doll.
At three you speak like an adult,
polite and poise,
you never scream,
you rarely ask for anything,
you curtsey and you learn to sing,
you lie about well…
everything.
You never mind
where you will go,
you never stomp
and whine a ‘no’.

Whenever should you want a thing,
a lump of guilt will make it sting.
Whenever you will want to cry,
you’ll learn to keep it deep inside,
because good dolls never cry.

And for your efforts,
you’ll get rewards,
they will give you golden clothes,
they will crown you as the best
and never check if you’re distressed.
In diamond shoes they’ll make you dance,
and as you prance you’ll start to bleed,
and it will be your secret thing.

They will shake your parents’ hands
and happily they’ll nod their heads.
They will lift you from the ground,
hold you,
tell you, they are proud.
And that is true,  
though it does not reverse the hurt.

You will be the perfect doll,
perfect figure, pose and all,
and should you fail,
even once,
even just a ‘C’ in class,
your back will break,
you’ll be exposed,
that you have never been a decent doll.
They’ll discard you,
throw you out,
because no one loves a fraud.

Should you keep your perfect look,
you will catch someone on your hook,
and you will never know what you should say,
for you have thrown your tongue away.
You will lie, to you and him,
about every
single
feeling.
You will never say,
that you never loved them anyway.
Perfect dolls don’t act that way.

You will never get what you want,
because you’ll never say it all up front,
you will chip and finally break,
and there is no other way.

Us, perfect dolls,
we’re built this way.

Helen passes me
her doll
Battered Betty
hold her
for a minute
she says

I hold the doll
between hands
away from me
in case she may
wet on me
as my old man
used to do
when my kid brother
was a babe
and he didn't want
the kid's ***
on his new suit

what's wrong with her?
I ask

she's got a temperature
Helen says

I look at the doll
who looks white
and cold and I smile

ok
I say
well take off
these clothes
and woollen jumper
no wonder she's hot
and got a temperature

we are walking along
Meadow Row
towards the fish
and chips shop
over the crossing
to get my mother's order

do you think
she's got a temperature?
Helen asks

I feel the doll's forehead
no it seems fine to me
I say

ok
she says
and take the doll back
and holds her
against her chest
rocking the doll
side to side
and patting
the doll's back

it's just she seemed
hot this morning
Helen says
when I got her
out of bed

whose bed?
I ask

mine
she says
the one I share
with my sister
with Betty between us
next to Teddy

I see
I say
seeing her rock
the doll side to side
like a good
little mother

she's lucky
I say
I sleep
with my little brother.

At the start
A bright beginning,
A happy union
An ignited spark

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Clutching the doll
Happily
Going everywhere
Together

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Out the door
Around the house
And maybe to see your friend's
Pet mouse

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Together forever
Best little buds
Totally inseparable
Just like a shadow

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

The doll was there
Through all the sunshine
The doll was there
Through all the rain

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It kept you company
Through the smiles
Laughing with
Your every mile

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It kept you safe
Through all those nights
And kept those shadowy things
At bay

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It dried your tears
Through all those times
A simple hug
Could heal that soul

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It waited for you
Every day
Until you came back
Home

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Then something happened;
You grew up
The waiting became
Longer

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

The distance widened,
Left behind
But still it kept on
Waiting

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

You talked less
You played less
But still it looked on
Hopefully

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

The doll was stuck
In a timeless state
But you just kept on
Growing

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Soon, you no longer
Came to see
The doll; it was already
Fading

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Forgotten, neglected
In its dusty little corner
Reminiscing of the times
Together, spent

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Wishing you would
Come back round
To look, or just
To care

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It kept on hoping
It kept believing
It kept the flame alive,
Burning

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

But everyday
It kept on dimming
The pure white fur
With dust, greying

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Time passes
Minutes, hours
Days.
Soon, it's been a year.

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

More time passes
Just like so,
Until you were
So fully grown

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Gone were the days
Of carefree playing
Gone were the days
Of chatting

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

The doll has faded
Right out
Your mind
You were most preoccupied

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Then suddenly
You remembered
Retraced your steps
And found the corner

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

You see the little doll
You've grown up with
A companion, confidant,
A friend.

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

You pick it up
But something's different
The flame inside
Has died

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Hollow eyes stare back
At you
Cold and frozen
Over

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

With a twinge
You placed it
Back onto
A wooden shelf

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Now with the
Closing of the door
The both of you
Were parted

*A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

I loved most of all
a cold blue eyed doll.
I knew that fall,
I'd fall for a doll.

Red my doll if it could blush,
how most I'd get a such and such
and my mind, a grove, a lush
such and such.

Then a doll raises peaceful uproars,
if it weren't alive then before,
I'd pray peace at its door
the **** 'll open before

me. I beg and steal for all,
I begged for this blue eyed doll,
we're stuck between ourselves and lawls,
that uttered from a cold, white, doll.

A Doll House built the size of a Tractor Trailer Truck
It’s not a real one
But it’s a scale model Doll House being one of a kind among
One can view all the room in diameter
Yet I did say Doll House, but it is actually a Mansion
Having 8 Bathrooms, 10 Guest Rooms, 5 Game Rooms, Two Swimming Pools, Servants Quarters, 20 Bedrooms and a Garage
The Doll House Mansion even has an Elevator
Now with all those rooms, it sounds more like a resort or Hotel
However, the Doll House Mansion is a permanent dwelling
Imagine maneuvering around those rooms and finding your way, one would need a map
Ideas after ideas being a thinking cap
Rooms either to relax or entertain
Yet having that tranquil feeling that will always remain
A rich wealthy trail
But then, the stock market could one day fail
One can only dream of a Doll House Mansion full of expectations and promise
But let’s be really honest
It’s only a scale model Doll House Mansion
One can dream, and picture a flowing stream
Oh that Doll House Mansion, but the question will always remain, how soon can I move in?