I paid her a visit this morning. And she appeared cringed and curled in her dried tears.
How strong are the fears, a continuous replay of the terror can not bring closure.
She looks at me and envies what she sees, longs to have the joy that my heart beams.
How can someone have been soooooo lost, so gone into the frost...of self-despair and minor depression.

Never easing tension, that re-appears when the flood of memories take center action.

She appears unaware of my visit. Her little imagination, ruined and distorted seemed to be detached from her own self-created reality.

Maybe paying her a visit was not a good idea.

Perhaps seeing her scars...some healing pretty well, was not too great of an idea.

What else was I hoping to find in the life of a ******, battered and lost in the moment of fake love and imaginary fun.

Her friend once told me that during her darkest times, she buried herself in her journals.

I could believe that. No matter how hard, that is where her heart remained.

I paid her visit this morning. And found she no longer existed.

Her torn dress lay bare on the ***** floor and her shoes where not in sight, traces of her dull scent was no-longer lingering in the imprisoned mind.

She had fled. Left this prison for something more meaningful. She has ruled out rehearsing and cursing a past she can never change.

This morning, I paid Thandi a visit. The old me has turned into a vapor, lost in the ever blowing wind of humanity.

Her memory wall is smeared and ruined, blurred by the many encounters she endured.  

This morning, during my visit I realised that that Thandi does not exist. She was once a loser lost in the wilderness.

For two or so years she was building the house that will eventually collapse on her.

For the longest time, she had never held a mirror to her face or even to her soul.

She had never known a real laugh, nor felt real emotions.
For all those days, she drowned and drowned and drowned until there was nothing to drown her. Instead her end killed her.

This morning I soared with the creatures of the air as I released that Thandi is no-more.

No-more around to taunt, terrorise and belittle me.

Torture, lie and even destroy me.

I paid a visit to an image of who I was, where I was and what I had become....and now, it nourishes me to know I am free.

The rush of events has led to a gush of words, stapled with no worth.
Found heaven in the eyes of the humble, discovered calmness in minds highly beautiful.
Apart from dawns and sunsets, memories **** on dull days and leave no room for disappointments.
So many thoughts to understand, my soul has found refuge in far unlikely lands.
They buried my truth and bore statues with no value, regarded the perfect view.
We might not fit the clichés or pet names, yet still live and desire a love flame.
We might not seem ideal or even suitable to walk in public with...yet there is gold worth finding beneath the sins.
We might not be admired nor desired yet we don't carry nor wear any plastic enhancers that have gotten many enticed.
Though it seems, most eyes lust the bust, what happened to knowing the heart.
Forget the stereotype; instead find your best friend in their inner souls and deep eyes.
Can't we fall in love with the beauties of life, simple things that don't require violence or lies?
Allow us to cry from what a melody can do to our souls, exuding the warmth it cloths us with, crushing hate speech and moans.
Sometimes wish I'd be the air blown out of those shiny saxophones, forget the hurts and constant self battles that leave us alone.
Sometimes wish we spoke through music, but we have resorted to inhuman ways and the ultimate mind games, testing to see who will be more drastic.
I wish you'd fill my spirits with heavenly notes..."let me get your name so I can be more genuine" 9th Wonder say it best.
Speaking truth that lightens dark hearts and fresh regrets.
They seem to associate beauty with so many things, laughs! Jewellery and rings, money and kings, wohw!
What happens to those who embrace their truths...bringing out their inner glow.
You pants low, crazy what we find beautiful along with their flaws.
Let's escape and go were skies home our conversations, understanding each other's thoughts without disturbance.
Giving love in abundance, breathing in freshness and getting tingles from stolen glances.
How I wish...don't ever want to be selfish, your happiness will always come first.
I still admire you...mostly where your soul dwells, some things are a bit too good to be true.
Yet we still enticed, just waiting for when reality awakens and leaves our hopes sliced.
Thandi Xaba