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25/M/London
Human person guy
Poems
johnny georgy brown
Jan 2015
No you are still a young dude, even though
My stupid old mate from school, always treats me like a young dude
Even if he knows I will prefer to be a cool kid to the adults
And I mean the mature adults, because the young dudes he means
Are too immature for me, I know I am a man, and I ain!t too shy to be a man
And my friend needs to fucken get a life
Because screams out of his house saying, no your still a little young dude, man
Your not a cool kid anymore, man, blah blah blah blah
This drives me c r a z y, because I am in my 40s I am not young
I am a middle-ager who loves life, and I mean real life
Not this crazy life you see at the local malls
My friend from school is sitting there saying over and over again
Your still a young dude, mate, and he says that 100 times
Your still a young dude, your still a young dude, your still a young dude
FUCKEN SHUT UP, I want to be together, and not sit at the mall
Seeing this spontaneous atmosphere, structure works better
If you are structured, your mind is better, and my old school friend says
Be a little young dude, be a little young Dude, be a little young dude
I am a man, and I want people to be normal, not fake normal
Treating me like a shy person coming through
Cause I ain't a shy person, so mate, while your sitting there saying
I am still a little young dude, think about me, I am a real man
A creative man, don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't do spur of the moment ****
So stop saying your still a little young dude, aren't young, I am a man
******* and leave me the **** alone, I ain't young anymore
You are driving me crazy trying to keep saying i am a little young dude
And when I go out and be a cool kid, he will say, 'laughing'
Yeah come on and try and be a cool kid to the families, come on
You see mate, you are shy, and the only way you are like us
Is if you watch me, and that is the only way, you aren't a normal man
So now mate, you are a little young dude, and then my school friend
Says to the townsfolk, don't be his kind of cool, cause he is still a young dude
And he will say after that, hang on and them say after I don't respond
No your a little young dude, and when my father yells our get ****** mate
And then he pushes his mouth side to side, thinking oh a little kid, he is
And then this friend says get ****** me, moving his mouth side to side saying the same
Then when i go out, he will say, no, your not like us, buddy, no your not like us anymore buddy, you are still a little young dude, oh baby, yes, you are still a little young dude, who
Really hasn't a pressure in the world, then I get up and work in the house
Or I will go and do something that is part of life, he will say no, don't muck with him
Anymore townsfolk, cause he is still a little young dude, yeah still a little young dude
And when I look at him, he will look at me and smile, to me I saw the little shy boy thing
As he is treating me like a cool person, cause I don't know what cool is
But really he is trying to stop me from being a creative person, and them I look
Around, he says, no, buddy, your still a little young dude, b. u. d. d. y
Your too shy to be like us, buddy, and I said, I am a man, because
He is the one who is too shy, cause he has no fucken class, dudes
You see if ignore him, my mind is full of the old men trying to call me a coward
And when they can't get it through to me, the young men will call me a ****
And I went around saying, I am not a little baby shy boy, you guys aren't like us, man
Then my friend says, no, your still a little young dude, man
You are too shy to be like us, buddy, your still a little young dude,,buddy
It's enough to drive you to drink and I did, at that moment I was so *******
At him saying to me, your still a little young dude buddy, I drank myself stupid
And it didn't fucken stop, my school friend sat there in his house
On the other side of the town, sat there smiling, saying, your a little young dude buddy
And then let out a very big smile, and your still a little young dude, your
In an imaginery little world, too afraid of the real world
I sit and think about it, what is the real world anyway, there is no real world
It's a world which is part imaginery and part real
And as long as you balance it well, you'll be so cool
But, at this moment in time, I ain't a young dude, I am a middle aged man with
A heart of gold, and when I go out, I see two kids playing at the shops
And then they leave, and they both say, your still a little young dude
And I say, no, dudes, I am a real real man, with a heart of steel
I don't get a license, cause for me, it's so unreal
The force is trying to give me cancer, but,no kind sir
I am too smart for that, uh
Then my friend came up to me and said, you are still a little young dude with no friends
Whose a little young dude with no friends, your a little young dude with no friends
Then you go to the local shops and you see kids hassling his their dad
For money to buy sweets, the father doesn't want to, he wants to be together
Cause that way, he will wonder whether, he wants to stay with his kids
Or does his kids act like little wimps,
And in the background, his friend says this, listen everyone as a young dude will say
Everyone he is a little young dude guys sure mate
And then he lifts up his leg and shows them off to his friend
And then says your still a little young dude, don't try and be like us
You see dude, the real world is so tough, so stay inside being a little young dude, ******
After about 5 minutes of trying to push everyone together
He will put his foot down on the floor, your still a young dude, don't try and be like us
Your not a cool kid, or a cool man, and I said no, *******, I am a man
Your are just mucking with the men, ya stupid ****
Then he will put his foot on the floor and say again, your still a little young dude
You are too shy to be like us, buddy boy
I told him I am a man, I go on holidays and I work and I try to find something around town
Cool to hang around and be civilized, but I aren't a little young dude, mate, I am a big man
Then my friend said, no you are a little young dude, buddy
And before I say I am a man, another person says that there a man
And then says, no your a little young dude buddy, what's your fucken problem
You stupid little ******* monkey, you and your friend ain't like us
Let's muck with these two losers and treat them both like people we want to muck with
And my friend got really hyped up over it, and said, that I am a little young dude
And then I told him that I ain't a young dude anymore, but he said, yes you are
You are a young dude, and I told my friend to leave me the **** alone
I don't want to be a young dude, I want to be a man, who wants to be together
You are keeping me with you, no I don't want to be a little young dude
I am not shy, I know the shopping centres have heaps of hustle and bustle
And I know that everyone will move down the coast if it was cheap
And I also know that it has to be expensive because it's the only way they will make money
I know that the labor party helps the poor while liberals help their poor wallets
I don't want to stay down with this crazy friend who keeps stomping his foot down on
The floor and says your still a young dude, your not like us, he says with a really wingey voice, and he does that for about 15 minutes and the men say, leave him alone mate, he is not a man, he is still a little young dude, buddy boy, he will never be a young dude again
While you are thinking that, he sits in his house saying good mate, be a young dude
But then he will stomp his foot right on the ground, and say, your still a young dude
You see, I don't want him to treat me like a brother, cause I don't **** people off
I don't need people to treat me like a shy boy who knows nothing
And then he says to me, no your still a little young dude, mate
And I go f......u......c.........k, leave me alone mate, I am not young anymore, nobody his ******* with me, so shut it
My stupid old mate from school, always treats me like a young dude
Even if he knows I will prefer to be a cool kid to the adults
And I mean the mature adults, because the young dudes he means
Are too immature for me, I know I am a man, and I ain!t too shy to be a man
And my friend needs to fucken get a life
Because screams out of his house saying, no your still a little young dude, man
Your not a cool kid anymore, man, blah blah blah blah
This drives me c r a z y, because I am in my 40s I am not young
I am a middle-ager who loves life, and I mean real life
Not this crazy life you see at the local malls
My friend from school is sitting there saying over and over again
Your still a young dude, mate, and he says that 100 times
Your still a young dude, your still a young dude, your still a young dude
FUCKEN SHUT UP, I want to be together, and not sit at the mall
Seeing this spontaneous atmosphere, structure works better
If you are structured, your mind is better, and my old school friend says
Be a little young dude, be a little young Dude, be a little young dude
I am a man, and I want people to be normal, not fake normal
Treating me like a shy person coming through
Cause I ain't a shy person, so mate, while your sitting there saying
I am still a little young dude, think about me, I am a real man
A creative man, don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't do spur of the moment ****
So stop saying your still a little young dude, aren't young, I am a man
******* and leave me the **** alone, I ain't young anymore
You are driving me crazy trying to keep saying i am a little young dude
And when I go out and be a cool kid, he will say, 'laughing'
Yeah come on and try and be a cool kid to the families, come on
You see mate, you are shy, and the only way you are like us
Is if you watch me, and that is the only way, you aren't a normal man
So now mate, you are a little young dude, and then my school friend
Says to the townsfolk, don't be his kind of cool, cause he is still a young dude
And he will say after that, hang on and them say after I don't respond
No your a little young dude, and when my father yells our get ****** mate
And then he pushes his mouth side to side, thinking oh a little kid, he is
And then this friend says get ****** me, moving his mouth side to side saying the same
Then when i go out, he will say, no, your not like us, buddy, no your not like us anymore buddy, you are still a little young dude, oh baby, yes, you are still a little young dude, who
Really hasn't a pressure in the world, then I get up and work in the house
Or I will go and do something that is part of life, he will say no, don't muck with him
Anymore townsfolk, cause he is still a little young dude, yeah still a little young dude
And when I look at him, he will look at me and smile, to me I saw the little shy boy thing
As he is treating me like a cool person, cause I don't know what cool is
But really he is trying to stop me from being a creative person, and them I look
Around, he says, no, buddy, your still a little young dude, b. u. d. d. y
Your too shy to be like us, buddy, and I said, I am a man, because
He is the one who is too shy, cause he has no fucken class, dudes
You see if ignore him, my mind is full of the old men trying to call me a coward
And when they can't get it through to me, the young men will call me a ****
And I went around saying, I am not a little baby shy boy, you guys aren't like us, man
Then my friend says, no, your still a little young dude, man
You are too shy to be like us, buddy, your still a little young dude,,buddy
It's enough to drive you to drink and I did, at that moment I was so *******
At him saying to me, your still a little young dude buddy, I drank myself stupid
And it didn't fucken stop, my school friend sat there in his house
On the other side of the town, sat there smiling, saying, your a little young dude buddy
And then let out a very big smile, and your still a little young dude, your
In an imaginery little world, too afraid of the real world
I sit and think about it, what is the real world anyway, there is no real world
It's a world which is part imaginery and part real
And as long as you balance it well, you'll be so cool
But, at this moment in time, I ain't a young dude, I am a middle aged man with
A heart of gold, and when I go out, I see two kids playing at the shops
And then they leave, and they both say, your still a little young dude
And I say, no, dudes, I am a real real man, with a heart of steel
I don't get a license, cause for me, it's so unreal
The force is trying to give me cancer, but,no kind sir
I am too smart for that, uh
Then my friend came up to me and said, you are still a little young dude with no friends
Whose a little young dude with no friends, your a little young dude with no friends
Then you go to the local shops and you see kids hassling his their dad
For money to buy sweets, the father doesn't want to, he wants to be together
Cause that way, he will wonder whether, he wants to stay with his kids
Or does his kids act like little wimps,
And in the background, his friend says this, listen everyone as a young dude will say
Everyone he is a little young dude guys sure mate
And then he lifts up his leg and shows them off to his friend
And then says your still a little young dude, don't try and be like us
You see dude, the real world is so tough, so stay inside being a little young dude, ******
After about 5 minutes of trying to push everyone together
He will put his foot down on the floor, your still a young dude, don't try and be like us
Your not a cool kid, or a cool man, and I said no, *******, I am a man
Your are just mucking with the men, ya stupid ****
Then he will put his foot on the floor and say again, your still a little young dude
You are too shy to be like us, buddy boy
I told him I am a man, I go on holidays and I work and I try to find something around town
Cool to hang around and be civilized, but I aren't a little young dude, mate, I am a big man
Then my friend said, no you are a little young dude, buddy
And before I say I am a man, another person says that there a man
And then says, no your a little young dude buddy, what's your fucken problem
You stupid little ******* monkey, you and your friend ain't like us
Let's muck with these two losers and treat them both like people we want to muck with
And my friend got really hyped up over it, and said, that I am a little young dude
And then I told him that I ain't a young dude anymore, but he said, yes you are
You are a young dude, and I told my friend to leave me the **** alone
I don't want to be a young dude, I want to be a man, who wants to be together
You are keeping me with you, no I don't want to be a little young dude
I am not shy, I know the shopping centres have heaps of hustle and bustle
And I know that everyone will move down the coast if it was cheap
And I also know that it has to be expensive because it's the only way they will make money
I know that the labor party helps the poor while liberals help their poor wallets
I don't want to stay down with this crazy friend who keeps stomping his foot down on
The floor and says your still a young dude, your not like us, he says with a really wingey voice, and he does that for about 15 minutes and the men say, leave him alone mate, he is not a man, he is still a little young dude, buddy boy, he will never be a young dude again
While you are thinking that, he sits in his house saying good mate, be a young dude
But then he will stomp his foot right on the ground, and say, your still a young dude
You see, I don't want him to treat me like a brother, cause I don't **** people off
I don't need people to treat me like a shy boy who knows nothing
And then he says to me, no your still a little young dude, mate
And I go f......u......c.........k, leave me alone mate, I am not young anymore, nobody his ******* with me, so shut it
David Bojay
Jun 2015
thinking about what to write..... *idea hits
& she looked so amazing walking out of her house with the beige dress I had bought her for her birthday the month before.
“Hey my handsome prince, where are we going today?” she said.
“Well my love, for our anniversary we will be planning out our dream date together… how does that sound?”
“You always have the best ideas, lets go to “the spot” and write the ideas down…… but first, can we stop by a 711? You know how we get when we’re on high caffeine and full of ideas. I feel like we deliver them more properly, plus I just woke up an hour ago so I could use it”
“Sure thing babe.”
I always wondered how she could say the right things at the wrong times… although all went bad, her words always picked my knees up from the ground when I took the wrong turn.
At this time, I don’t think I’m at my best, but I know that if I lead the road while holding her hand, she’ll know exactly where to turn when I swerve off road.
This moment is special and I’m currently watching her move her head around to our favorite song on the train going to Pearl.
May 27, 2015// WHY DOES THIS GIRL ADD SO MUCH ******* CREAMER IN HER COFFEE *** SHE IS GOING TO DIE OF OVER CREAMING…. THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE AND IT ALMOST SOUNDS WRONG… DAVID YOU’RE WEIRD… 2:04 Pm.
-David Bojay
I could see the places we were passing on the train from the reflection in her eyes. I never thought I could see the world in someone’s eyes. I can feel the tilt of the earth when she changes emotion and her eyes change in shape.
“Dream Date List // May 27, 2015”
1. Go to Downtown Dallas
2. Art museum
3. Ice cream trucks
4. Meditate at Klyde Warren in the middle of the field
5. Go for a walk Downtown and try to get on rooftops
6. Get on green lane and go to Deep Ellum to get serious pizza
“Babe are we almost there? I forgot where the stop was..”
“Yes my princess, we’re almost there”
“I’m so ******* hyped dude ***, I like how I can call you dude and feel comfortable like… dude….dude… dude dude dude nothing can tear us apart dude. I love you dude. **** too bomb dude. Dude you’re daddy as ****. Dude. Dude…. See? Our bond is one of a kind and we’re both kind of crazy. I wonder where we’ll be in 5 years”
“To be honest, we’ll probably be in a loft in New York doing a lot of drugs and on Spotify. That would be “goals as ****” don’t you think?”
“Boy hell nah you got me ****** up we are both going to work and make that mullah baby!”
Nothing could crack our humor.
2:54 Pm, May 27, 2015
DAVID DUDE, YOU MADE IT WITH THIS GIRL YOU LOVE… SOMEONE CAN HANDLE YOUR CRAZINESS.. DUDE WHAT THE ****… SHE’S LIKE….. LSD??? CLOSE. WAIT… NO… SHE CAN’T BE COMPARED.. **** I’M SO YOUNG, AND SHE IS TOO. THERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO EVERYTHING….
ART
MEDITATION
WATER
ENERGY
BREATHING
PROTEIN BECAUSE GAINZ AS ****
BOOKS
CONSCIOUSNESS
QUANTUM PHYSICS
PSYCHOLOGY
MONEY (**** THAT)
PASSION
NATURE
THERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO ALL THAT, I AM ONLY 17 AND SHE IS TOO
-David Bojay
We stepped out the train and I had waited for her to get out first because my mom always told me to always let the lady go first…. and so I did.
“You hungry?” I asked
“Not really… but I will be after we smoke this..”
“Did you really just…. you know us so well it’s almost kind of alien of you.”
We were walking towards the elevator and I was talking about how I was about to ******* the other night to the thought of her grabbing my **** at my old church while everyone was praying… we both worked a different way and we thought the idea was…. doable.
lights blunt
“It’s funny how we’re so annoying to each other yet we can’t get enough of eachother… I guess you the one huh?”
“David, to be honest… you’re too much for me sometimes… but holy **** I always want you around…. you’re such a sick ****.”
starts to laugh
“Dude… babe… do you feel that? I THINK THOSE ARE FEELINGS I FEEL TOWARDS YOU AYYYY”
“You’re ******* lame” HAHAHA.
“Come here..”
smack smack muah muah **
“Ugh you always kiss me at the wrong times… I ALWAYS GET WET AT THE WRONG PLACES… SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY YOU BEING A SICK ****”
Time goes by so fast when you want it to last forever. Whenever something feels so good, the impossible is wished and you want the delusion of “forever” to be actualized.
“Remember that time you told me I could never be able to make you *** in under a minute?”
“Uhmm yes… you can’t…”
puts hand under my pants
begins to stroke aggressively
The view was breath taking… or was she just taking my breath away.
“The Reunion Tower is so small compared to the others, but I guess it has a better view?” I thought to myself while she was jacking me off.
“TOLD YOU I COULD HAAAAA, YOU OWE ME HEAD NOW”
“*** I DIDN’T EVEN FEEL IT COME OUT WHAT THE ****…. MY **** NUMB”
3:48pm, May 27, 2015
YOUR PAIN IS MINE NOOOOOOW
THIS SONG IS SO GREAT
WE ARE SO CLOSE
WE ARE ON EARTH
GROUNDED
WE ARE HERE
TODAY
RIGHT NOW
LOOKING AT CIVILIZATION IN “MODERN IN TIMES”
IN 20 YEARS THIS WILL BE SO OLD
TECHNOLOGY IS ADVANCING SO FAST FOR HUMANS TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THIS
WHY ARE THEY KILLING SO MANY TREES
MAYBE PEOPLE LIVED LONGER BACK THEN BECAUSE THEY HAD MORE OXYGEN TO BREATHE
MAYBE OXYGEN IS LIMITED TO EVERY INDIVIDUAL AND SOME OF US JUST TAKE DEEPER BREATHS AND THAT’S HOW WE DIE YOUNGER
I DOUBT IT BUT ****… I’D BE DEAD AS **** ALREADY BECAUSE MEDITATION
WE ARE HERE
IN THE NOW
WHICH IS TECHNICALLY THE PAST NOW
NOW
NOW
NOW
TIME IS…. I DON’T EVEN KNOW
-David Bojay
Walking towards the art museum, we had talked about how men are just like animals, they target women with big *** and *******. We share information like if we were Gods communicating.
In my opinion, we are Gods… we are put in a person's life at a certain “time” and we deliver messages from a higher consciousness to them and they do the same. I think it’s fate, we need eachother. We need to communicate.
“David, throughout all the fights…. I ******* love you so ******* much and I appreciate you so much for listening…. I’m trying to tell you how I feel when you already know, I just thought it’d be romantic…. I’m such a fool for you… in the gayest way possible.”
I looked at her and smiled… she already knew what I was saying. It’s like if we could communicate with our eyes.
As we walked into the art museum, we noticed everything was so productive. The art spoke to us in a language on our eyes could try to understand and our minds could read if we really looked at it.
“Do you think it’s possible to understand art David?”
“Art is like a human, it never really stops changing. It renews itself like how our cells do. It has purpose, and that is to keep the world alive. To make life worth it in the moment, and the moments gather and moments put together is called “LIFE”. I think. Art is every subject you know blended into one. It can only be understood if you choose to box it in a place where it can’t breathe. Let it breathe. Let it flow through your mind like how blood flows through your veins.”
Every painting spoke to our minds and the more we observed, the more our minds opened and let the angels and demons of the art dimension live in our heads.
“I’m getting pretty hungry now?”
“Pizza my love?”
“Yes please.” **holds hand
// 4 minutes until green lane arrives //
“You guys happen to have any spare change? I’m just trying to get something to eat, I’ve been out here sin..”
“Look man, I don’t really care about your ******* story, I don’t believe it.”
Nobody needs to explain anything if they need it that bad, it’s yes or no and if they do explain, they’re lying to you.
Arrives at Serious Pizza
“What would you like darling? Anything you want, I got you.”
“Oooooook mister big ballah.”
“Shiiiiiet you already know.”
As we were eating, I noticed how unafraid we were to eat infront of eachother. The days, people are so afraid to be themselves and act scared because they’re afraid they won’t be accepted by how they really are. You have to find comfort within yourself before anything.
“Are you full yet?”
“Yeah I’m pretty ******* full, you want to head back to the park and chill?”
“Yes, plus we still have to meditate over there remember?”
“Oh yeah, well let’s dip.”
As we get to the park we find a spot and just sit for a while without saying a word. Sometimes silence is needed when the world around you is being noisy.
“Cross your legs and close your eyes, remember not to name the sounds you hear and to just let every emotion settle in, let it sink, and let it go. Practice your deeper insight and just relax.”
During meditation, being comfortable is key because if something is bothering you, the practice will be interrupted.
// 20 minutes pass //
“We’re so small, but it’s crazy how you and I are the change.”
Our conversations really put us in the right mindstate and that’s what made our spiritual sides really connect. We are one and together pain is numb.
phone rings
“David my mom said I have to go home….”
“Already?”
“I know babe… sorry. We’ll schedule something this week for sure.”
Getting on the train we both realized how tired we were and how the high wore off.
Together our love could break barriers, they might as well not even exist. Barriers are just limits created by someone who was too afraid to give it their all… to unleash their full potential.
“Hey, want to read a poem I wrote for you?”
“Why would you even ask?”
“Ok here we go, I’m still not finished but you’ll get it…”
“The world is there for you
My arms are open
These envelopes are yet to be sent
When the leaves fall don't change your mood
You've been one since the start
Don't die on yourself over someone or a situation you can control
Your strength is the equivalent of that of a bull
Love will come and go
But self love stays and I hope you love yourself just as much as you dream a guy will love you as much as I did
Look at the waves clashing for you
Admire the sky that's falling for you
******* yourself for the eyes on you
But stay strong for they are not all pure intentions
Feel free to test but not enough to cause relations“
“ I want you to know that your words are imprinted in the deepest parts of my heart and that they’ll remain there for the rest of my life my love, we will prosper through the thick and through the thin of this life we judge so much when we try to understand it. David I love you so much and I hope you never forget that.”
“ I won’t princess, I promise you that I won’t.”
silence for the rest of the train ride
7:57 Pm, May 27, 2015
TODAY WAS ******* GREAT
DAVID
YOU ARE IN LOVE
HOW DOES THAT FEEL
HOW DOES IT FEEL HUH?
YOU ARE 17
YOU ARE A DREAMER
YOUR DREAM CAME TRUE
I’M WATCHING HER SLEEP RIGHT NOW AND IT FEELS LIKE IF I’M IN A MOVIE
OKAY WE’RE ALMOST HOME…
-David Bojay
“Wake up baby, we’re here.”
“Dude I’m so glad we’re home, I’m tired as ****.”
“Tell me about it… get up… the doors are opening.”
We were holding hands on the way to the car and telling each other jokes, time finally felt still.
The sun was close to setting so we sat on the curb and just watched the sky sink into the ground… at least that’s how it looked like from a distance.
We stood up and walked to the car, I opened her door and let her sit down before I shut the door.
I stood there for 3 seconds looking at her through the window… she blew me a kiss and I stood there and smiled.
Walking towards my door I had to face the truth… I opened the door….
the seat was empty, my heart was too.
I hope she’s resting easy.
I hope her spirit was with me today, I knew it was.
The delusion felt so real, so so real.
My mind sees what it wants, I talk to the air as if it was you.
I spread my love, as if you were there to grasp it.
I hope you know I miss you, so so much.
I don’t know where I’ve been, and I don’t know what I’ve been getting myself into.
Your ghost is so beautiful.
I wish you were alive to celebrate our anniversary.
We did everything you wanted to do…. I mean… I did everything you wanted to do on our anniversary.
Today was in memory of you my darling, I’ll prosper if you guide me.
I’m really good at pretending you’re alive, I wish it wasn’t all just an illusion, I wish I wasn’t so ******* crazy.
I wish you would’ve never ******* died.
I’m dead inside, but my breathing is split in half so we can share my life.
I hope I prosper.
Why did you have to leave?
I miss you.
Baby.
Dude.
Whenever you decide to come back, I’ll be waiting and we’ll relive today… forreal this time.
8:23, May 27, 2015
DAVID
YOU’RE SHAKING WHILE YOU ARE WRITING THIS
YOU ARE CRYING
YOU ARE CONSCIOUS
YOU ARE ALIVE
SHE IS PASSED
DAVID
WHY ARE YOU SO CRAZY
YOU SEE HER AND SHE’S DEAD
SNAP OUT OF IT DUDE
I CAN’T MAN
DUDE
PLEASE
NO
I CAN’T
DAAAVVVIIID
PLEASE STOP CRYING
THIS SHEET IS GETTING WET
DAVID
I THINK YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND GET SOME SLEEP
DAVID
YOU WILL BE OKAY
YOU WILL PROSPER MAN DON’T GIVE UP
PLEASE… DON’T
- David Bojay
I love you so much.
& she looked so amazing walking out of her house with the beige dress I had bought her for her birthday the month before.
“Hey my handsome prince, where are we going today?” she said.
“Well my love, for our anniversary we will be planning out our dream date together… how does that sound?”
“You always have the best ideas, lets go to “the spot” and write the ideas down…… but first, can we stop by a 711? You know how we get when we’re on high caffeine and full of ideas. I feel like we deliver them more properly, plus I just woke up an hour ago so I could use it”
“Sure thing babe.”
I always wondered how she could say the right things at the wrong times… although all went bad, her words always picked my knees up from the ground when I took the wrong turn.
At this time, I don’t think I’m at my best, but I know that if I lead the road while holding her hand, she’ll know exactly where to turn when I swerve off road.
This moment is special and I’m currently watching her move her head around to our favorite song on the train going to Pearl.
May 27, 2015// WHY DOES THIS GIRL ADD SO MUCH ******* CREAMER IN HER COFFEE *** SHE IS GOING TO DIE OF OVER CREAMING…. THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE AND IT ALMOST SOUNDS WRONG… DAVID YOU’RE WEIRD… 2:04 Pm.
-David Bojay
I could see the places we were passing on the train from the reflection in her eyes. I never thought I could see the world in someone’s eyes. I can feel the tilt of the earth when she changes emotion and her eyes change in shape.
“Dream Date List // May 27, 2015”
1. Go to Downtown Dallas
2. Art museum
3. Ice cream trucks
4. Meditate at Klyde Warren in the middle of the field
5. Go for a walk Downtown and try to get on rooftops
6. Get on green lane and go to Deep Ellum to get serious pizza
“Babe are we almost there? I forgot where the stop was..”
“Yes my princess, we’re almost there”
“I’m so ******* hyped dude ***, I like how I can call you dude and feel comfortable like… dude….dude… dude dude dude nothing can tear us apart dude. I love you dude. **** too bomb dude. Dude you’re daddy as ****. Dude. Dude…. See? Our bond is one of a kind and we’re both kind of crazy. I wonder where we’ll be in 5 years”
“To be honest, we’ll probably be in a loft in New York doing a lot of drugs and on Spotify. That would be “goals as ****” don’t you think?”
“Boy hell nah you got me ****** up we are both going to work and make that mullah baby!”
Nothing could crack our humor.
2:54 Pm, May 27, 2015
DAVID DUDE, YOU MADE IT WITH THIS GIRL YOU LOVE… SOMEONE CAN HANDLE YOUR CRAZINESS.. DUDE WHAT THE ****… SHE’S LIKE….. LSD??? CLOSE. WAIT… NO… SHE CAN’T BE COMPARED.. **** I’M SO YOUNG, AND SHE IS TOO. THERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO EVERYTHING….
ART
MEDITATION
WATER
ENERGY
BREATHING
PROTEIN BECAUSE GAINZ AS ****
BOOKS
CONSCIOUSNESS
QUANTUM PHYSICS
PSYCHOLOGY
MONEY (**** THAT)
PASSION
NATURE
THERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO ALL THAT, I AM ONLY 17 AND SHE IS TOO
-David Bojay
We stepped out the train and I had waited for her to get out first because my mom always told me to always let the lady go first…. and so I did.
“You hungry?” I asked
“Not really… but I will be after we smoke this..”
“Did you really just…. you know us so well it’s almost kind of alien of you.”
We were walking towards the elevator and I was talking about how I was about to ******* the other night to the thought of her grabbing my **** at my old church while everyone was praying… we both worked a different way and we thought the idea was…. doable.
lights blunt
“It’s funny how we’re so annoying to each other yet we can’t get enough of eachother… I guess you the one huh?”
“David, to be honest… you’re too much for me sometimes… but holy **** I always want you around…. you’re such a sick ****.”
starts to laugh
“Dude… babe… do you feel that? I THINK THOSE ARE FEELINGS I FEEL TOWARDS YOU AYYYY”
“You’re ******* lame” HAHAHA.
“Come here..”
smack smack muah muah **
“Ugh you always kiss me at the wrong times… I ALWAYS GET WET AT THE WRONG PLACES… SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY YOU BEING A SICK ****”
Time goes by so fast when you want it to last forever. Whenever something feels so good, the impossible is wished and you want the delusion of “forever” to be actualized.
“Remember that time you told me I could never be able to make you *** in under a minute?”
“Uhmm yes… you can’t…”
puts hand under my pants
begins to stroke aggressively
The view was breath taking… or was she just taking my breath away.
“The Reunion Tower is so small compared to the others, but I guess it has a better view?” I thought to myself while she was jacking me off.
“TOLD YOU I COULD HAAAAA, YOU OWE ME HEAD NOW”
“*** I DIDN’T EVEN FEEL IT COME OUT WHAT THE ****…. MY **** NUMB”
3:48pm, May 27, 2015
YOUR PAIN IS MINE NOOOOOOW
THIS SONG IS SO GREAT
WE ARE SO CLOSE
WE ARE ON EARTH
GROUNDED
WE ARE HERE
TODAY
RIGHT NOW
LOOKING AT CIVILIZATION IN “MODERN IN TIMES”
IN 20 YEARS THIS WILL BE SO OLD
TECHNOLOGY IS ADVANCING SO FAST FOR HUMANS TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THIS
WHY ARE THEY KILLING SO MANY TREES
MAYBE PEOPLE LIVED LONGER BACK THEN BECAUSE THEY HAD MORE OXYGEN TO BREATHE
MAYBE OXYGEN IS LIMITED TO EVERY INDIVIDUAL AND SOME OF US JUST TAKE DEEPER BREATHS AND THAT’S HOW WE DIE YOUNGER
I DOUBT IT BUT ****… I’D BE DEAD AS **** ALREADY BECAUSE MEDITATION
WE ARE HERE
IN THE NOW
WHICH IS TECHNICALLY THE PAST NOW
NOW
NOW
NOW
TIME IS…. I DON’T EVEN KNOW
-David Bojay
Walking towards the art museum, we had talked about how men are just like animals, they target women with big *** and *******. We share information like if we were Gods communicating.
In my opinion, we are Gods… we are put in a person's life at a certain “time” and we deliver messages from a higher consciousness to them and they do the same. I think it’s fate, we need eachother. We need to communicate.
“David, throughout all the fights…. I ******* love you so ******* much and I appreciate you so much for listening…. I’m trying to tell you how I feel when you already know, I just thought it’d be romantic…. I’m such a fool for you… in the gayest way possible.”
I looked at her and smiled… she already knew what I was saying. It’s like if we could communicate with our eyes.
As we walked into the art museum, we noticed everything was so productive. The art spoke to us in a language on our eyes could try to understand and our minds could read if we really looked at it.
“Do you think it’s possible to understand art David?”
“Art is like a human, it never really stops changing. It renews itself like how our cells do. It has purpose, and that is to keep the world alive. To make life worth it in the moment, and the moments gather and moments put together is called “LIFE”. I think. Art is every subject you know blended into one. It can only be understood if you choose to box it in a place where it can’t breathe. Let it breathe. Let it flow through your mind like how blood flows through your veins.”
Every painting spoke to our minds and the more we observed, the more our minds opened and let the angels and demons of the art dimension live in our heads.
“I’m getting pretty hungry now?”
“Pizza my love?”
“Yes please.” **holds hand
// 4 minutes until green lane arrives //
“You guys happen to have any spare change? I’m just trying to get something to eat, I’ve been out here sin..”
“Look man, I don’t really care about your ******* story, I don’t believe it.”
Nobody needs to explain anything if they need it that bad, it’s yes or no and if they do explain, they’re lying to you.
Arrives at Serious Pizza
“What would you like darling? Anything you want, I got you.”
“Oooooook mister big ballah.”
“Shiiiiiet you already know.”
As we were eating, I noticed how unafraid we were to eat infront of eachother. The days, people are so afraid to be themselves and act scared because they’re afraid they won’t be accepted by how they really are. You have to find comfort within yourself before anything.
“Are you full yet?”
“Yeah I’m pretty ******* full, you want to head back to the park and chill?”
“Yes, plus we still have to meditate over there remember?”
“Oh yeah, well let’s dip.”
As we get to the park we find a spot and just sit for a while without saying a word. Sometimes silence is needed when the world around you is being noisy.
“Cross your legs and close your eyes, remember not to name the sounds you hear and to just let every emotion settle in, let it sink, and let it go. Practice your deeper insight and just relax.”
During meditation, being comfortable is key because if something is bothering you, the practice will be interrupted.
// 20 minutes pass //
“We’re so small, but it’s crazy how you and I are the change.”
Our conversations really put us in the right mindstate and that’s what made our spiritual sides really connect. We are one and together pain is numb.
phone rings
“David my mom said I have to go home….”
“Already?”
“I know babe… sorry. We’ll schedule something this week for sure.”
Getting on the train we both realized how tired we were and how the high wore off.
Together our love could break barriers, they might as well not even exist. Barriers are just limits created by someone who was too afraid to give it their all… to unleash their full potential.
“Hey, want to read a poem I wrote for you?”
“Why would you even ask?”
“Ok here we go, I’m still not finished but you’ll get it…”
“The world is there for you
My arms are open
These envelopes are yet to be sent
When the leaves fall don't change your mood
You've been one since the start
Don't die on yourself over someone or a situation you can control
Your strength is the equivalent of that of a bull
Love will come and go
But self love stays and I hope you love yourself just as much as you dream a guy will love you as much as I did
Look at the waves clashing for you
Admire the sky that's falling for you
******* yourself for the eyes on you
But stay strong for they are not all pure intentions
Feel free to test but not enough to cause relations“
“ I want you to know that your words are imprinted in the deepest parts of my heart and that they’ll remain there for the rest of my life my love, we will prosper through the thick and through the thin of this life we judge so much when we try to understand it. David I love you so much and I hope you never forget that.”
“ I won’t princess, I promise you that I won’t.”
silence for the rest of the train ride
7:57 Pm, May 27, 2015
TODAY WAS ******* GREAT
DAVID
YOU ARE IN LOVE
HOW DOES THAT FEEL
HOW DOES IT FEEL HUH?
YOU ARE 17
YOU ARE A DREAMER
YOUR DREAM CAME TRUE
I’M WATCHING HER SLEEP RIGHT NOW AND IT FEELS LIKE IF I’M IN A MOVIE
OKAY WE’RE ALMOST HOME…
-David Bojay
“Wake up baby, we’re here.”
“Dude I’m so glad we’re home, I’m tired as ****.”
“Tell me about it… get up… the doors are opening.”
We were holding hands on the way to the car and telling each other jokes, time finally felt still.
The sun was close to setting so we sat on the curb and just watched the sky sink into the ground… at least that’s how it looked like from a distance.
We stood up and walked to the car, I opened her door and let her sit down before I shut the door.
I stood there for 3 seconds looking at her through the window… she blew me a kiss and I stood there and smiled.
Walking towards my door I had to face the truth… I opened the door….
the seat was empty, my heart was too.
I hope she’s resting easy.
I hope her spirit was with me today, I knew it was.
The delusion felt so real, so so real.
My mind sees what it wants, I talk to the air as if it was you.
I spread my love, as if you were there to grasp it.
I hope you know I miss you, so so much.
I don’t know where I’ve been, and I don’t know what I’ve been getting myself into.
Your ghost is so beautiful.
I wish you were alive to celebrate our anniversary.
We did everything you wanted to do…. I mean… I did everything you wanted to do on our anniversary.
Today was in memory of you my darling, I’ll prosper if you guide me.
I’m really good at pretending you’re alive, I wish it wasn’t all just an illusion, I wish I wasn’t so ******* crazy.
I wish you would’ve never ******* died.
I’m dead inside, but my breathing is split in half so we can share my life.
I hope I prosper.
Why did you have to leave?
I miss you.
Baby.
Dude.
Whenever you decide to come back, I’ll be waiting and we’ll relive today… forreal this time.
8:23, May 27, 2015
DAVID
YOU’RE SHAKING WHILE YOU ARE WRITING THIS
YOU ARE CRYING
YOU ARE CONSCIOUS
YOU ARE ALIVE
SHE IS PASSED
DAVID
WHY ARE YOU SO CRAZY
YOU SEE HER AND SHE’S DEAD
SNAP OUT OF IT DUDE
I CAN’T MAN
DUDE
PLEASE
NO
I CAN’T
DAAAVVVIIID
PLEASE STOP CRYING
THIS SHEET IS GETTING WET
DAVID
I THINK YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND GET SOME SLEEP
DAVID
YOU WILL BE OKAY
YOU WILL PROSPER MAN DON’T GIVE UP
PLEASE… DON’T
- David Bojay
I love you so much.
Anubis the Philosomancer
Mar 2015
"..so she just comes up to me and I didn't wanna say nuthin' to her
so I'm just like: 'Hey man, I'm just some dude.'
I wasn't lying, man, I mean, right? We all just dudes, right, man?
I be like 'Check it, dude; hows I sees it is: all us ******' dudes is equal,
and it make no ******' difference whether you got ovaries or testicles or whateverthefuck in between. **** like that is just a bad excuse to hate a ******* for no good reason. There's no need for that.
You best be hatin' a ******* for the right ******' reasons
if you gonna be hatin' on a ******* at all, naw'msayin'?
There are too ******' many good ******* reasons to hate on a fool
to let that silly, lame, petty childish **** cloud our judgements.'
Dude's a dude is a ******* dude no matter ******* what, man.
On a cosmic scale, I will have you know, gender really ain't a thing at all.. yo.
(Not at all to be confused with ***, which, as it says here:
"can surely be cosmological in effect, assuming proper conditions.")
A genuine dude ******* can't be trippin' on petty ***** **** like what the **** is or isn't between your legs! Seriously: grow the **** up.
I mean, if I may, there be bigger issues at hand here-
bigger players in play, as it were, than
what the **** side of what ******' line on the beach you're from,
or what ******' skin you got,
or what genitalia you have,
or what genitalia you like,
or what words you use,
or what the **** versions, translations,
or versions of ******* translations
of whichever-the-**** books
you do or don't happen to respect, man.
Just remember we all just dudes, man, okay?
That's all, really; Just be cool, and we cool.
It's really very simple and could be easy.
Now, I beseech of thee to dig it, dudes:
yea, though it would surely seem
we are physically different dudes,
there's really just this one Dude
with a capitol muh'****** D, right?
That ******' Guy is really every-******'-thing else, man,
and we're all, like, little dude fractals and ****
aspiring to be spiraling out of his head and **** like that, man,
and Mr.Dr. Big Supreme Badass Cpt.******'Everything Dude's all like:
'Go for it, my dudes! ******' right! Rock on! Yeah!! Get some!'
and I'm here to ******' prove it, man,
but, I mean, we're all here already, dudes,
and that's really all the proof of my point I think I need:
it's the Dude that's ******' everywhere, all the ******' time, man,
and, like, we've just gotta recognize that ****, man,
and reflect it. We gotta respect that ****, you know, man?
It's, like, soo super ******' far out, man,
that it's really just super ******' far in, maaan!
It's all the same, dudes.
Dudes. Hear me out, dudes.
It's all just ******' fractals and crystals and vibrations n' ****, dude.
Reflections of Dude everywhere, dude.
I am Dude. We are Dude.
Dudes ******* abound, dude.
Keep bein' dudes, dudes.
Be excellent to each other. Party on, dudes.
Hey, woah man, what's that like?
I heard about that..
Pass that over here, dude, would'ya?
If you're into it, I'm curious...
..aww yeeeah.. thanks, man.
I appreciate it. Respect.
Now..
where was I..
****. I lost the trip, man. Oh well.
There was gonna be a point to that,
but I forget now. ****, man.
I feel like an idiot. I'm sorry, I just wasted all that time!
What were you even asking me?
I get a bit carried away at times.
Huh?
Oh, yeah, its'..uhh. about three-fifteenish!"
-Jesus/Krishna/Horus/Me?/Etc./[You?]
so I'm just like: 'Hey man, I'm just some dude.'
I wasn't lying, man, I mean, right? We all just dudes, right, man?
I be like 'Check it, dude; hows I sees it is: all us ******' dudes is equal,
and it make no ******' difference whether you got ovaries or testicles or whateverthefuck in between. **** like that is just a bad excuse to hate a ******* for no good reason. There's no need for that.
You best be hatin' a ******* for the right ******' reasons
if you gonna be hatin' on a ******* at all, naw'msayin'?
There are too ******' many good ******* reasons to hate on a fool
to let that silly, lame, petty childish **** cloud our judgements.'
Dude's a dude is a ******* dude no matter ******* what, man.
On a cosmic scale, I will have you know, gender really ain't a thing at all.. yo.
(Not at all to be confused with ***, which, as it says here:
"can surely be cosmological in effect, assuming proper conditions.")
A genuine dude ******* can't be trippin' on petty ***** **** like what the **** is or isn't between your legs! Seriously: grow the **** up.
I mean, if I may, there be bigger issues at hand here-
bigger players in play, as it were, than
what the **** side of what ******' line on the beach you're from,
or what ******' skin you got,
or what genitalia you have,
or what genitalia you like,
or what words you use,
or what the **** versions, translations,
or versions of ******* translations
of whichever-the-**** books
you do or don't happen to respect, man.
Just remember we all just dudes, man, okay?
That's all, really; Just be cool, and we cool.
It's really very simple and could be easy.
Now, I beseech of thee to dig it, dudes:
yea, though it would surely seem
we are physically different dudes,
there's really just this one Dude
with a capitol muh'****** D, right?
That ******' Guy is really every-******'-thing else, man,
and we're all, like, little dude fractals and ****
aspiring to be spiraling out of his head and **** like that, man,
and Mr.Dr. Big Supreme Badass Cpt.******'Everything Dude's all like:
'Go for it, my dudes! ******' right! Rock on! Yeah!! Get some!'
and I'm here to ******' prove it, man,
but, I mean, we're all here already, dudes,
and that's really all the proof of my point I think I need:
it's the Dude that's ******' everywhere, all the ******' time, man,
and, like, we've just gotta recognize that ****, man,
and reflect it. We gotta respect that ****, you know, man?
It's, like, soo super ******' far out, man,
that it's really just super ******' far in, maaan!
It's all the same, dudes.
Dudes. Hear me out, dudes.
It's all just ******' fractals and crystals and vibrations n' ****, dude.
Reflections of Dude everywhere, dude.
I am Dude. We are Dude.
Dudes ******* abound, dude.
Keep bein' dudes, dudes.
Be excellent to each other. Party on, dudes.
Hey, woah man, what's that like?
I heard about that..
Pass that over here, dude, would'ya?
If you're into it, I'm curious...
..aww yeeeah.. thanks, man.
I appreciate it. Respect.
Now..
where was I..
****. I lost the trip, man. Oh well.
There was gonna be a point to that,
but I forget now. ****, man.
I feel like an idiot. I'm sorry, I just wasted all that time!
What were you even asking me?
I get a bit carried away at times.
Huh?
Oh, yeah, its'..uhh. about three-fifteenish!"
-Jesus/Krishna/Horus/Me?/Etc./[You?]
I will have you know, this is easy to say but hard to write, let alone read aloud. Seriously. Try it. Please. Just this once, for me, baby, please?
For this trip, we're gonna need a ******' translator from Californian to Greek to Aramaic to Latin to Saxon to English to Arabic to Spanish to Ancient Egyptian to Hindi to Afrakaans to Portuguese to French to German to Norwegian and then to Russian and tradtional Chinese before coming back to Japanese and then proceeding south to Nepal and staying for a layover in some tiny ******* village that uses bad-******'-*** Nordic lookin' Runes somewhere long enough to become fluent before finding another person who speaks Californian just to make sure if I would agree with myself, if I needed to, man.
-Context is Key!
So much colloquial *******!
May this serve as a glimpse into the fine vernacular often drawn upon by the folks characteristic of my brand of Northern California as interpreted by a, at this point, raving ******* lunatic.
Is it blasphemy if it means well?
I'm almost in disbelief that I wrote this.
I hope at least one of you is laughing as hard as I am now.
If so, I like to think I've done my job, man.
..raw..
For this trip, we're gonna need a ******' translator from Californian to Greek to Aramaic to Latin to Saxon to English to Arabic to Spanish to Ancient Egyptian to Hindi to Afrakaans to Portuguese to French to German to Norwegian and then to Russian and tradtional Chinese before coming back to Japanese and then proceeding south to Nepal and staying for a layover in some tiny ******* village that uses bad-******'-*** Nordic lookin' Runes somewhere long enough to become fluent before finding another person who speaks Californian just to make sure if I would agree with myself, if I needed to, man.
-Context is Key!
So much colloquial *******!
May this serve as a glimpse into the fine vernacular often drawn upon by the folks characteristic of my brand of Northern California as interpreted by a, at this point, raving ******* lunatic.
Is it blasphemy if it means well?
I'm almost in disbelief that I wrote this.
I hope at least one of you is laughing as hard as I am now.
If so, I like to think I've done my job, man.
..raw..