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Daniel Magner Nov 2012
There's nothing quite like
having your memory erased
the best thing that'll ever happen
the best thing you'll ever taste
are the drugs sliding down
your throat to splash
in the stomach acid
pumping chemicals through your veins

The synapses in my brain
are full of dopamine
and my serotonin levels
are off the charts
On the outside I stand tall
like a steel soldier
but on the inside I'm crumpled up
with a paper heart

How do I tell my mom
I'm on, walk in while
she makes her art, day before her birthday
What words would I even spit
how could I say I just downed
a bottle of codine, she'd disown me
So I stumble up stairs to my
old bed, pictures of my graduation
burn my head, but it's imagination
the room swirls but I'm station...ary

Started off with a bet, kids dared me
When your fifteen you don't
see the bad side, the glazed eyes
rolled back drifting, all you feel
is the lifting and the bass
pumping, through your chest blasting
off real life stress, you can't tell you're a mess
Rolling, feeling like the best

But now I can't sleep unless I'm on
and then I don't dream.
It's time to start taking steps
instead of X, I'll do reps at the gym
I'm done giving in, I done living in
fog, done being gone.

Yesterday me and Tony were on the go
driving slow, on the hunt for blow
picked up, lined up, he handed me the dollar bill
rolled up and I could feel my brain
screaming, yes, my veins aching, yes,
my hands reaching for the dollar but then...

I said no.
© Daniel Magner 2012
Get your finery on and let the games begin,
Blackout suit, purple shirt, and a tie to match
those gleaming eyes.

The dinner was alright
now get ready to fight. White powder on the counter,
A dusted card and a rolled-up fiver.

Codine chills, calm instilled,
Colorful lights, relaxed thrills.

Later on and we're back in black.
Hometown beatdown. Go hard, get smashed.

Messy nights never get old,
River of glass across a broken road.
Tonic wine's best served cold, its medicinal properties
remain unknown. The sweet nectar, a bottle of B
to resurrect me.

Just the end of another debutante night,
Staying classy while we drink and fight.
Making hedonistic debauchery stylish
'cause we're Irish.
Sacrelicious Jun 2012
Going out,
getting good.

All gothed-out,
glamorous.

Drop-dead.
Gore-geoous.

It's a curse.
Only
the truly beautiful at <3,
have it.

Talent.

Get it.
Dig it.
Dug it.

GOOD :)

I am just every drop of blood
the razor blades
made
me.

Drag downers
dragging themselves along
the skin surface
of my blood-flow
free way.
Wrists.

While,
I am screaming.
"I hate you" .

At the top of my black-tar
******
coated-codine lungs.

Yogurrrrr?
Help a ***** out.
&
go check on that crack pipe.
Uhhh.
I mean check the pipe for crack.

Cuz dem smokey rocks
make a bruthah go
cray-cray.

Welcome to the Goth Opera.
I'm just playing pretend,
anti-christ tonight.
adriana  Nov 2018
crown
adriana Nov 2018
i trade money for magic,
looking for ephemeral feelings with eternal damage.
and when you're not there to save me,
i keep taking codine to stop the saline.
and there's a few things i forgot to mention,
specifically every bad intention.
i drove for miles to find you
but in the end i found myself.
that, and a couple empty bottles of jack.
J J Jan 13
One (love triangle)
I wanna be your lover,
I don't wanna be his friend.
Don't make me go home yet,
I haven't figured out what to do with myself

He's better looking but does he deform your toes?
  I doubt it,
Maybe I'm just not much fun to be around, maybe I'm a pain.
I'm my only audience as of late and
I've got codine in my liver, smoke in my nostrils and the taste of your tongue
In my mouth, still lingering...
I've got long ago broken bones that linger too and owe a debt in your name
It's so hard to leave a person behind
O but it's such a sin to stay the same age for any longer than you have to.

her teeth are pissyellow like a passive snowball
you were the gift that kept on taking
and I took every breath in strife, choking on rain to see a face that was asleep and too busy
To answer the door even though she's the one that sent me over.

Alas, I cannot leave behind
a stone that I found arest in it's place.

There is no food left, there is no money there's nothing but memories of securer times
but this you know cannot last;
vagabond in the winter with gloveless hand,
May not die but there'll be pain,
But he was headstuck and
clutching dust he swiped from the surface of pinkbricks back in summer when impersonating a banker,
no matter how hard one tries to hide anything
anyone knows the whole story at a second glance
My pharmacist asked if I was ****** again
I couldn't even answer, I couldn't even talk
It's not a burden, it's just a shame,
just want to be alone where no one reminds of my mistakes that I live with everyday--
I'm just a person I once thought myself more as a young person does,

you made me ascend for a second I couldn't believe it when I saw
   you were cutting me down--
Hang em high forty-guns
   and all of them empty
I waited awake as long as I could for her but she never came
O well
bless you even though you forgot to sneeze

And just so you know

I wasn't *******, I was pleading nicely
I just figured I was worth a few minute's attention, sorry for being wrong.

You were always wrong

You were always wrong

You were always wrong.

(Two ) (honkytonk mania blues/streetket laced with 'tism)

I drag pain behind my ev'ry step, don't you think it's a sin?
Long distance walk left my body feeling hungover
I collapsed at your door and you still won't let me in...
I sat on your stairs and raced the sunrise to get sober...
By the time I gathered my senses I'd already missed the train.
Saw you got your new love, she looks like an uglier version of your sister,
you know I'm no one to judge but *******! She looks just like your sister.
I was aimless in life once, babe, but that was back when I missed ya.

Three ( mankysam+abandoned/abused+ sadsong)
1.
I live on borrowed time
I'm inlove with Mary Hilligoss
Our eyes match in their hauntedness
But they hold lifetimes behind them neither of us could know about

I've got a best friend I like a little and love alot
She OD's on otc tablets just to pass the time
Maybe you know her but I wouldn't like to know why if you did.
When I see her heading my way in the street I nonetheless slip like Tyson on ice.
I find *** repulsive these days but my arms are always open for talking
Just so long as she gives me an hour's notice.
I was inlove with her once, I truly was,
But just because it mattered doesn't mean it should've happened,

This life will strip you to nothingness in time,
The question is a matter of whatever you wish to pose and when, who really cares for why?
An artist only stands to lose it all when they no longer believe they need a muse.

2.
Time brandishes a change too immeasurable to be expected to be noticed
Much less confronted. Broken dishes and screaming confusion across the room broken choruses reprise all too distant and muffled thankfully, just like yesterday.
I was juat a child why do I still want to say that I wasn't scared?
And now the only consistent reliance only shelter of love a door I kept shut hitherto before I couldn't breathe and thus had to let it open
I prefer to be alone more days than not truthfully I know why but I don't mind.

3.
It was new year's eve and I couldn't shake the pains
So I had to ask and wait for a reply; his yes is like gold on the ears
I've walked on blistered feet and bled before,
I've walked on broken feet just to **** their pain and it's worth choking back how ever many tears
Isn't that the way of life mankysam?
up all night just to lay head against the brick wall with my fists at my hips
I havent seen it all but I know I've seen quite enough;
Your exocidal taunt of control you hold back so clearly like you hold open a door,
Like the first time dealer to the winning stack with his head thrown back and the light overhead burning his face clear enough for a blind man to see
I'm not dumb, nor lack the will to confront, I'm just lazy.

Mankysam is the solace,
  he wears above-the-law medallions across the barrels of his motor
(
salute to bonjour and the glowing colours
  that crowded the place--walls and a floor--
To a scene. So long to it all I'm going somewhere I've never been next year and that's the end of it.
)
One day will be the last day you and me ever meet mankysam

Today is not that day but I'm gonna make what I get from us last

     atleast for aslong as I can do so

What a joy to live calm lovingly hating everyone as they pass by and feeling no guilt for doing so.

I plan on making things better but I've made no plans yet
I know well enough I'm good enough to do the best I can,
If only for you

Mankysam.

My brain has been broke or breaking for years now I think it's just time to accept the damage is never done until no more can be inflicted,

And I swear I saw getting married but I no longer see anyone now
And I know God themself is capable of crisscrossing people who get too comfortable, so I don't seem to settle in anywhere at all.
But when Sammy gives me the call saying that he's near
I get dressed sharp as a knife and smile
so tall now in the mirror, like deserted grass.
Smile and forget all my stupid little matters.
I ain't reading all that!! I'm a footprint in my garden not a footnote in anything, don't get it twisted
J J  May 2021
Reborn by the day
J J May 2021
Our first kiss, lips pressed
Like electricity kissing stone
For the first time

Sipping Cwe'd codine; she does it for the buzz
I do it to **** pain and pass the time.
High as the first licks of a freshly lit candle...

Boys in long hair girls in short
because there was nothing else dangerous worth doing

DIY tats, rue ripped jeans, self-made scenes
Surrogate child--problematic on my own terms...
Blue beams pre-blended and fading as they

Watch the sky rip in place of the sun.

Older wiser and redefined
Yet still attached to the memories

Another delayed apology to drag things
on a little longer

to delay the inevitable unnecessary heartbreak
I stripped myself

Via symbolic measures; shindeep in grief

Criscrossing figure 8's, I still move forward

Fully-done sinking
Dragging Medince ball and chain

Whilst they rested their own injuries
Running their mind

In reverse
Keeping things
Long distance.

The season's

Refused to stop even as the world
around them threatened daily suicide

And still we
Stayed entact.

The changes imprint deeper with each wake
God is inside and it hurts them to watch you prey.

— The End —