I wrote my life on a 3x5
Tacked it on my bulletin board
And stared at it
The shock of being defined
By ten lines of slanted script
Was rivaled by the shock of my apathy
I guess the whole point of living a lie
Is keeping it short enough
To remember the truth

A student of mine wrote me a note
on the blank side of a 3x5
index card
and she hugged me goodbye.
Another went home and built a telescope,
and he sent me pictures
of the pieces along the way,
apart and together like an array
of Martian images coming in
from the Opportunity in a
pixelated panoramic display.
I told him about lenses
and the human eye,
about why stars will always look
pointed unless we get close enough
to really see them and he said-
I’ll try.

(today)he talked a whole
lot and i only listened
till i realized that stupid
satillo blanket was over
my knees and you tacked
that little 3x5 dia de los
muertos card beneath
my corkboard and
wrapped me up
(14 months ago.)

Asleep in math class, not me, the matrices
Nobody cares about them it seems,
They lie, tucked in, drowsy between the textbook pages of more important chapters
But today, I finally saw the magic in them
The numbers dance
You can take two matrices, written in powdery chalk,
On the smooth, green ballroom floor on the wall
And watch, as if underwater, all is murmurs, all music
Comprehension of a different sort than paying attention
As the entries shift and multiply and add
Moving, sliding, locking into place like Tetris
And only some partners are compatible, and only under certain circumstances
2X3 and 3X5 meet in the middle, merge and mutate into 2X5
Two become one, each bringing their differences to the ball
New dimensions
Translating, the rows become columns and the whole constellation
Spins, twirling, kaleidoscope
Square matrices waltz
Others salsa and tango
Slowing, slowing, sinking into the final dip
Finding identity
1     0     0
0     1     0
0     0     1

to you,

I'm writing a letter for you
keep these words close
lend these images solely
to those mismatched times

i speak with not much grace,
drink water in due respect -
look away yet return,
to your company.

equivocally
i wrote these words
on scattered note cards
learning from the floor
on what should be said
as each possibility
seemingly aligned

i threw away
these 3x5 letters
endearingly followed
by sincerely,

but clearly
i have thought
too much
worried little
than usual

perhaps,
a meal
at your leisure
with my words
now infront of you

but truly
in regards,
to that smile

I try to not to feel lonely
when you're talking to your friends,
a huge smile on your face,
laughter coating the words you speak,
your eyes crinkling like they do
when you're overjoyed about something.

I try not to feel self conscious
when you don't touch me like you used to.
You no longer hold me to your chest
like I'm something precious from a dream,
which you desperately try to cling on to.
You never look at me,
at my body,
with stars in your eyes
and fire at your fingertips.

I try to not feel jealous when I see you
with a glowing screen accenting your plump lips,
which are smirking at an irrelevant post,
but that I want kissing my own.
And those eyes of yours I've gotten lost in
too many times to count,
focusing solely on your 3x5 screen,
with me wishing, hoping, praying
you'll look at me again with even just an ounce
of the love we had.

I try not to be selfish
when I ask how your day was
listen to your, "It was absolute ****," rant
and then wait into the early hours of the morning
for you to ask me if I'm alright.



Because I'm not.....

How do you capture happiness?
Is it in cups of coffee or hot chocolate?
Is it in photos of grins spread so wide they fill the 3x5?
How do you capture love?
Is it in their smile?
Is it in their arms?
How do you capture peace?
In the moments so still the oxygen in your chest sounds like a dragon?
In the rain?
----------------------------------------------
How do I capture happiness?
In writing.
In my smile (though its been a while since I've seen it).
How do I capture love?
In books.
In the smiles of friends.
How do I capture peace?
I don't know, could you show me?