I'm better off alone.

All alone, all alone, all alone.
All alone, all alone, all alone, all alone, all alone.
All alone, all alone, all alone, all alone.
All alone, all alone, all alone, all alone.
All alone, all alone, all alone, all alone.

How do you explain to
your parents that
the reason your grades
are so low is because
there is a hole
in your heart
a sinking feeling
a kettlebell of 50 pounds
an anchor dragging
you down
a monster in your brain
that makes you
forget things
but not one thing
not one thing
that one thing stays.

I just want to belong.

Somewhere. With someone. Sometime. (Maybe now?)

I am tired of seeing best friends laughing
or lovers holding hands
or groups of friends taking selfies

because I want them myself so so so so bad.

sometimes I wonder
what you look back on
when you think of me
(if you think of me.)

do you remember all my faults?
do you remember yours?
do you count them like sheep
when you try to sleep
at night?

do you remember
every unread text message
every mean word
every "i'm too busy"
every little thing that broke us?

do you regret them?



do you regret me?

He must notice something.

The way my eyes light up whenever I see him,
The way I drop everything and see him whenever he needs me.
How fast I can reply to his texts,
The way I always say yes to him to whatever he asks.
The way I suddenly get quiet whenever he asks me about crushes,
The way I look at him for a bit too long.

He must notice something.
He's probably noticed everything.
But he doesn't respond.

Which is why I'll never tell him.

I hope I never miss you.
I can’t.
It would be far too painful.
I can no longer pretend the two of us will stay friends.
Because I know exactly what will happen:
One day, we’ll have no reason to talk to each other anymore.
Neither of us will make an effort to, even if we both want to (maybe, I can never tell if someone wants to talk to me.)
We’ll say our hellos when we cross paths while walking.
But even that will end soon.
Pretty soon you’ll forget me (but I know I’ll never forget you.)
I hope I never miss you.
I can’t.
Even if I want to.

I want someone to watch the stars with me
We’ll stay up past midnight
And even though we’re far away
(you’re in your bedroom, i’m in mine)

The night will still feel a bit less lonely
Knowing that you’re looking outside
Waiting for breaking dawn to come
And awaken the morning sky

I want someone to watch the stars with me
And make the night feel less lonely
And maybe fall in love with me
But I know that can never be

For the one who’ll watch the stars with me
And make the night feel less lonely
And maybe fall in love with me
– is me.

If you continue to pedal like that,
you will fall off the bicycle.
Your knees will bruise
And your legs will bleed
And your bones will fracture like they did before.

Take it slow, my love.
You are in no hurry.

You are only trying to get back home.

The wolf was a wolf in more ways than one,
For he targeted girls who were pretty and young.
He liked them quiet, he liked them good -
He liked them wearing red riding hoods.

The wolf was feeling hungry that day,
And it looked like a meal was heading his way.
The wolf was a wolf who played with his food.
The wolf was a wolf who was up to no good.

He asked the young girl if she wanted to stay,
He asked the young girl if she wanted to play.
Red didn't want to, she was off to school -
But Red had no choice but to play by his rules.

After the games, the wolf collected his prize,
And Red felt so bad that she cried.
And after that, Red no longer felt young -
For the wolf was a wolf in more ways than one.

Every day I ask myself
"I just want someone to love me
Is that too much to ask?"

But I've been asking every day
And nothing ever happens.

Maybe it is too much to ask.