he is a boy
a boy i only just met
with crazy colored curls
who melted my heart
with his voice
so soothing
so adorable
i don’t know why i blush seeing you
i don’t know why i love you so
i don’t know how you have me shivering from your fingertips
or how you hold me on your couch
and tell me once again the story of your parents
of how they fell out of love
how you don’t want a future like theirs
but enough about me what about you he asks me
i don’t know what to say
im just magnetized to you
the energy you radiate
and the rowdiness you create
mum calls you a ***
but i could care less
yeah you smoke cigarettes
yeah you were arrested twice
you, oh you
you have me whipped
have me in love
in love with the thought of you and with you
your lips only produce the most poetic of phrases
you’re so talented,
you can smile genuinely when speaking of something so sad
your voice, talk me to sleep babe
whisper with your arms around me
your head resting on mine
yeah he goes on tangents,
but that makes me even more in love
the rhythm of your voice inspires the beating of my heart
****
I’m so into you its unhealthy
help me oh gosh
yeah we made love on your twin sized mattress you had since you were 7
yeah you didn’t go to college
but who gives a ****
he has dark eyebrows
dark hair
dark clothes
dark lungs
dark eyes
i stare into
they contain all the warmth i will need
they comfort me
yeah we imitated your parents
yeah the wine glasses were shattered from your pure rage
yeah my arms are covered in bruises
but my collar bones are covered in hickies
i don't think theres much of a difference in coloration
i guess your parents were on the right track when they became a statistic
i guess the butterflies in my stomach migrated
i guess we’re over
i guess falling out of love was inevitable

Regret

my memory fails me,
for i cannot recall the first time we met
the part of you that was a part of me
has submerged itself into subconsciousness

perhaps we first met in our 9th grade poetry drama class,
when you would wear a variation of your dad’s tees
your thick glasses balancing on your flat nose
perhaps it was at the benches where your eyes first met mine

i cant remember what your favorite song was,
you had so many
i should remember more things about you
yet my head puts a helmet on to keep me from the truth

the audio recordings on my phone are not you anymore
you’re someone different, someone new
i think its a better you, but i can’t be certain
our souls are magnets of similarity, repelling each other

all i recall about you is the happiness bubbles provided you
how you said they made you happy
even when you stood on your 18th story balcony
saying you wanted so desperately to just jump

your voice has changed
its deeper, it cracks more now
it sounds nothing like the boy i once knew
who intertwined his hands and lips with mine

please remind me of our first date…
why can’t i remember it? why can’t i recall it?
i can no longer recall the day i said sure,
only that it was in april, and i was a fool, and you were a joke

we broke up 3 months before our first anniversary
before i broke it off
and broke you

i still remember my fake tears,
and your very real ones
i remember afterwards, this feeling of relief
should i have felt something different?

i feel guilt for not feeling anything
should i have force felt something? anything?
anything other than the feeling of a bird freed from its cage?

the words we exchanged whisper themselves into oblivion,
the “i love you’s” empty and devoid of meaning.

should i have pitied you like i did those nine months
should i have let you crawl inside me again?
just a momentary comfort, a twisted way to show my love?

i will remember these events,
as i was your first lover,
and you were my last

the tweets of Donald J. Trump
are often incredibly dumb
he shoots out some message
which while still on its passage
corresponds to its sender's small thumb

the sun sleeps behind a blanket of clouds
i am surrounded by crowds
and yet loneliness preys on me
i pray no one observes or sees
i have buried myself in a cemetery
alone, i am content and happy
and yet my thoughts ramble restlessly
the time i feel alone stretches out endlessly
loneliness reminds me of a con man
his lies convince me alone i stand
he cheats me out of all that could have been
and informs me i deserve hell, there i will pay for my sins
no one tells you how isolating it is to exist
ironically, we feel alone in each other’s midsts
people avoid the odd one out
people avoid those who are silent, and those who shout
our species is cruel to its own kind
eyes lose their shine, we don’t realize we are confined
there are holes in all of us,
why is it we never discuss
the craters we create, and the craters others leave,
i can’t even begin to perceive how easily
we call each other ***, *****, pig
we never stop to empathize
we think only of the things we would jeopardize,
always on the fence about one another
yet we are all mothers, brothers, each other’s
perhaps we are satisfied with being alone
maybe ill be happier sitting on a throne, overthrown
someone told me victory is tastiest when achieved individually
but i think differently,
i believe we don’t need to suffer miserably, individually
i know loneliness takes all we can commit to it,
often times, it leaves us feeling like ****,
loneliness is love’s counterfeit
they promise to fill a hole, and yet the cavity remains omitted
but i chose to believe that the broken can mend
and i chose to believe the paths we walk are not dead ends.