I know I hurt you

but I hurt too

it hurts you thought it was all a lie

it hurts that you hurt

maybe I was taking a risk
because I believe in taking those

but sometimes bad things come from risks& that's how we learn

I'm sorry you were a failed risk

I really didn't want it to be this way

but it is

& I can't ignore what my heart whispers to me

"no, this isn't right"

that cannot be ignored.

why do I want the guy that nobody wants?
I choose him over the guy that everybody wants
they both treat me right
they both keep me up at night

but why
the one that everyone loves doesn't need me.
the guy that no girl likes he needs me

weaknesses

fears

hopes

dreams

pet peeves

desires

wishes

goals

your future

I want to know you

not just the good things
but the bad too

I want to know you. I hope you want to know me too.

what do people see in me

I always wonder do they think I'm serious
or
full of fun and humor

do they think I'm nice or fake to please

I want to be a ray of positivity

I want to change the world
I want to be a bookworm

I want to be looked at and have people think
"I want to be like that"

talking about it may not work
but it's a step and what I've learned not everybody will admire you

but if one person does that's enough

occasionally I will wonder if we're compatable

or is the only reason we stay because of flattery

do you think this too?

will I be able to tell you my secrets
could I tell you my fears

and have the same feeling that we get when we kiss

or are we just hanging by lust on a rope that's breaking strand by strand

that's not what I want
I want to know you

next time you hug me
I won't let go

when you kiss me
I'll apologize now,
i will be smiling & laughing

but I know you'll understand why

we would have waited so long for that moment

we had thought about it for hours each day

nobody will understand us like us
and nobody will understand why I'm laughing except you

and even if you don't
when I tell you why you will laugh with me

and in that moment I will keep that picture of you in my head

and you will understand

and after that night I won't be able to fall asleep til 2 AM

but you'll understand
cause you won't be able to either

but after that kiss
you'll understand what I need
and I will too

what will we be?

this is what I see

you kiss me
and that's all it will ever be

or

you kiss me and my head will be clear

my heart will be open

I will look at you and sigh
in relief
because I'll know the way you can make me feel

I'll know that you will protect me
I will be happy
happy.
or
I will feel nothing
nothing.

and that how I'll know

what we will be