From just a stranger I did not know.
To a friend I could learn about though.

From a friend who made me smile for days.
To a secret crush who set my heart ablaze.

From a crush I was scared to get too close.
To my partner, who loved me and it shows.

From my partner, I could see a life together.
To my future, any problems we could weather.

From my future, with plans that only grew,
Became a stranger, I completely knew.

So the old addage says:
"Grief is the price we pay for love."
Never knew how true it was,
until I had to grieve my love.

three hundred and eighty days,
yet still I grieve for what we had.

I do not regret loving you.
I regret how hard I loved,
that I'm forced to continue
paying the price of love.

My heart was broken by my first love for many reasons,
yet none were sufficient enough to give me closure.
I know she will never love me again,
At least not the way she used to.
Yet despite the empty space and the vast distance between us
I cannot give up or further myself from her.
Why can I not just let her go?

The world says to me that I'd be doing us both a favor.
One last act of love. "Let her go".
Get a life, be free, be better, "Let her go".
Focus on yourself, push yourself, "Let her go".
It'll come with time, don't try so hard. Just... let her go...
Yet despite what the world will tell me,
how easy others drop and move on.
I believe it's facade, a mask covering their feelings.
Nobody but the internet knows I haven't moved on.
It's easy to put on a mask and pretend you have let her go.

But I ask of you, when the pain a year ago is still as fresh today,
how does one... actually... "Let her go"

I'm trying to move on, but my heart won't let go.

I might not be texting you, or even seeing you. But, I'd respond in a heartbeat should that notif pop up on my phone.

I may not greet you like I did on the daily, but even a year later... you're still the last thought when I fall asleep.

It may no longer be the blissful smiles, and instead be the tearful cries. But I miss you and I think about you.

You see a villain, but I see a person trapped inside.
I wear the mask of indifference, but inside I fight to be understood.
What you call ‘cold’ is a heart wrapped in struggle.