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You will find me on the last page on
that book we never finished.

The chapters may have ended,
but I left a blank page just for you.
  Jun 19 Santiago A
Dency
I have all this love
And nowhere to put it
It's rotting inside me
Soft,warm
Unspent.

I reach out in dreams
But wake up alone
His name buried in my throat
Like a secret
I was not allowed to say.

He didn't stay
But the love did
And now it grows wild
Inside a heart
With no one left
To give it to.
Santiago A Apr 5
From just a stranger I did not know.
To a friend I could learn about though.

From a friend who made me smile for days.
To a secret crush who set my heart ablaze.

From a crush I was scared to get too close.
To my partner, who loved me and it shows.

From my partner, I could see a life together.
To my future, any problems we could weather.

From my future, with plans that only grew,
Became a stranger, I completely knew.
Santiago A Mar 25
I'm asked, "what are you afraid of?"
But I can't just say love.

I'm afraid of loving someone,
who doesn't love me the same.
I'm afraid of trying too hard
for someone who wouldn't stay.
I'm afraid of giving it my all,
just to watch them walk away.
I'm afraid of offering my heart,
just to watch them break it.
I'm afraid of my favorite person
just becoming a memory.

So instead, I just say
I'm afraid of spiders.
I don't think I'll ever give someone else a chance, when the pain of my previous relationship still haunts me.
Santiago A Mar 19
"The moon is beautiful isn't it?"
he says.

"I prefer the sunset"
she said.
Actual quotes from our texts
Santiago A Mar 19
So the old addage says:
"Grief is the price we pay for love."
Never knew how true it was,
until I had to grieve my love.

three hundred and eighty days,
yet still I grieve for what we had.

I do not regret loving you.
I regret how hard I loved,
that I'm forced to continue
paying the price of love.
middle of the night, can't sleep. Crying thinking of her. Feeling weak I can't move on. Hating that she's moved on, yet I'm still stuck.
Santiago A Mar 12
My heart was broken by my first love for many reasons,
yet none were sufficient enough to give me closure.
I know she will never love me again,
At least not the way she used to.
Yet despite the empty space and the vast distance between us
I cannot give up or further myself from her.
Why can I not just let her go?

The world says to me that I'd be doing us both a favor.
One last act of love. "Let her go".
Get a life, be free, be better, "Let her go".
Focus on yourself, push yourself, "Let her go".
It'll come with time, don't try so hard. Just... let her go...
Yet despite what the world will tell me,
how easy others drop and move on.
I believe it's facade, a mask covering their feelings.
Nobody but the internet knows I haven't moved on.
It's easy to put on a mask and pretend you have let her go.

But I ask of you, when the pain a year ago is still as fresh today,
how does one... actually... "Let her go"
I half wish she would have cheated on me, at least giving me a reason to hate her.
Instead she left me for reasons I cannot blame her for. instead she leaves nothing but understanding and sadness in my broken heart.
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