you are eighteen and you're in love
with a boy who hates his birthday.
you don't know it yet,
but the world gets so much bigger than the back of his car.
you think he needs you to be happy and so does he
but both of you are wrong.
it'll take you almost a year to stop crying.
and then you don't talk for another three
and when you finally do,
he thinks he still knows you,
but your heart is heavier than it was then.
and you **** him because you're lonely
but it isn't the same.
neither of you can fake love.
at least he still makes you laugh.
you'll pretend it's enough
because at least he's a body.
at least you're not by yourself.
at least you're alive
and you're good at *******.
because bodies are distractions
from the things we hide inside them.
you have him inside you
and he wants to gut you of your ugly, your sad.
he scrambles for an excuse not to stay the night
and you laugh.
you know what this is and how it goes
and you both love someone else.
you swear you won't **** him again
but you do anyway because you're still lonely
and you like the way his hands fit around your neck.
you **** him because it's good for your art
and you get bored of your own hands on your body
and you're fine with letting him feel useful.
and you think about when you were sixteen
and how *** was supposed to be special
and it makes you cry
because you're not who you wanted to be.
it makes you cry, because the world got so much bigger
after you left the backseat of his car.
the world is so big and you don't know
how it ended up on your shoulders.
you would have died for him.
you have been ready to die for every person you have ever loved.
you have dreams where he dies
and you can't save him.
you have dreams where people die
and you can't save them
and you're the one who tied your hands.
your mangled heart and all its bleeding.
nobody asked you to die.
what good is all the love in your chest
if you don't leave any for yourself?

- m.f.

Yelling at the TV feeling so small
Another loved one dead why don't you just take them all
one by one we die
but in support groups we cry we all have pain in life
but no one truly gets it at all I just sit so alone and small
everyone says I can come to them anytime
but it's not their problem they don't wanna here me whine
so I choose to sit and decay don't let anyone see me today I've buried myself in everything that's bad for my health  and I don't want them to be disgusted with me
so let me sit
let me rot
everyone's gonna die so why not me
just let the rest of my family be
please please please!
STOP STOP STOP
take me instead take me instead
if I had a choice she'd be alive and id be dead

His hands are ice,
Sharp like broken glass,
But he says, "Come here,
The cold won't last."

So you hand him your heart,
With a smile on your face,
His hands are ice cold,
But your heart is in flames.

He says, "Trust me,
You'll melt me to a puddle,
Fire and ice,
We'll make such a nice couple."

So you give him your all,
With a smile on your face,
And you fall and you fall,
Toward your icy embrace.

He squeezes his hands,
With your heart inside,
He didn't melt, put your flames out,
But you smile and say everything's fine.

Then you say, "That's okay,
My flame comes from within.
I'll take my frozen broken pieces,
Reconstruct and shine again."

The problem with Orange
Is nothing will rhyme
So instead of an Orange
I'll write about Lime.

Grey clouds gather and I can see them reflected in your eyes.
Grey clouds gather as we lay under these skies.

The rain comes down, we run from it all.
The rain comes down, will you catch me if I fall?

I don't want to read too deep,
Into the things you do,
Or the things that I see at night when I sleep.

But it is hard when you practically said that you love me,
It is hard when I don't know what you want this to be.

Am I just wasting time? Waiting for the words to be said.
Or am I just wasting time, is it all in my head?

I am used to you pulling ahead,
We should have kissed long ago,
My soul feels like led.

But maybe it simply feels like a bird,
I am ready to fly,
Ready for my cry to be heard.

I am filled with joy and fear all at the same time
Is this beating heart even mine?

The rain came down, I felt so alive,
The rain came down, I like when we just drive.

I think I finally realize, you are my cup of tea,
Come on friend, come and cut me free.

Come pick my petals and kiss me quick,
Come make my heart explode and make me your pick.

If you fill up my cup, can I fill yours too?
As this rain pours down, tell it can be true.

A sky of stars and galaxies
Reflects itself in my mind,
And for a moment,
I wish that I could capture
That view through a man made lens
So I could share it with you.
That's what missing you feels like--
Like there is so much in my head
But no way to show it.
No way to send you a virtual kiss,
Or take a picture to tell you
What I am thinking.
My surroundings are vast and I am small,
But let me tell you this:
You are somewhere between
A mortal and a miracle,
And I find you in the stars
Because you don't belong
Among the humans.
That's the way I look at you--
My own personal Galaxy
That wraps me up
In a warm blanket of stars.
We may be apart,
But my heart lies wherever you are.

I trace the curve of your spine
And write my secrets on your bones

We're surrounded by others
But your eyes say we're all alone

Is it that I'm myself with you,
Or that you're yourself with me?
Maybe it's the feeling of togetherness,
the power of we.

I don't know of it was that **** smirk
Your scent,
Your clothes
Or your jokes
All I know is you turned me inside out
My usual thought-out replies
Replaced with a measly choke

There's really no thesis to this,
No ******, no conclusion

Everything I just described so vividly
Is merely a self-made illusion

I haven't met you yet - the one that'll make flowers blossom in the corners of my mind

Who I'll crave and adore
And with whom I will spend my time

I'm not waiting for you, I have no time to seek

You're somewhere living your own life.
Each minute,
Hour,
Week.

The memories you're making now I will hear about in years to come

Along with your whispers in my ear: "This is it... you're the one."

Maybe you think you're in love now, with him or she

But the universe will make it happen

The one you love... it'll be me.