you loved me
when i was too broken
to even love myself.
nights when i was scared to go
home because of the demons
in the walls.
you loved me
even when i blew up your phone
at 3 am with late night calls
mixed with tears and self-hate.
and you never hung up once.
you loved me
even when i had lost everything
i was naked, and alone with nothing else
but myself,
a sad, broken, little monster
invisible to most except you
but still you loved me.
so here i am
still broken, but beautifully
stitched together by your
delicate hand
asking if you will
let me
love you.

People ask,
Have you ever loved a man?
I answer no.
But a man sure loved me.
He started to love me when I was young enough to still believe in
Santa.
He loved me being at that age when I
believed that the moon followed me in a car.
The age of scented markers and training bras.
He loved me in the way a rat loved it's poison, or a prisoner their torture.
Wrongly.
And every so often
He showed me how much he loved me.
Behind locked doors with fiery, demanding hands.
Causing me to remember that I was asthmatic.
And when his skin burned me, I felt cold.
So when people ask,
Have you ever loved a man?
I answer no.
But a man sure loved me.

i have never loved
only lusted
but by god
the day i love
is the day my soul
catches on fire

people think that
i've spent the majority of my life
building up walls to protect
myself,
but they are wrong.
these walls i build are for you,
to protect the precious memories
that you have of me.
the ones of dandelion wishes
and summer breezes
laughter at night
and childhood stories.
because
i don't want to break your heart,
i don't want to cause you pain,
i don't want you to see
the shattered, broken girl
that i am.

have you ever meet someone
that you just knew was out of your league?
you fantasize scenarios in which
for some unknown reason
you and person fall in love
yet you always have that
huge feeling of knowing that it
will never happen.
when I'm with you
that is how I feel
what am compared to you?
I am a stone and you are a diamond
I am a silver and you are gold
I may be uncommon but you are rare
and now my mind is running wild
again thinking about you
and me
mere delusions
that state one true fact
if we were ever something
I would question how
could you love someone
like me when
you can do so much
better
I am not new or special or shiny
I am used and common and *****
I am no different than
the common person on the street
so why me?