There was a young lad, whose name was Ben,
And he had the worst gas of all of his friends,
Every time he’d cut the cheese,
He’d bring them pleading to their knees.

“Please Ben, be a friend, and go seek some help,
For your gas is so potent that even the skunks yelp!”

Well Ben sat and thought for a second,
I’ll just break wind into a jar he reckoned.
Ill twist off the lid and plug up my ***,
And fill the jar with my putrid gas.

For weeks and weeks he collected his farts,
Til the air inside the jar was thick and dark.
He placed the old jar on top of his shelf,
I’ll get rid of you tomorrow, he said to himself.

Well something happened that night, and Ben’s life was taken,
When a violent storm left the whole house shaken.
The jar that Ben placed on his shelf with such care,
Had fallen, releasing his gas into the air.

Ben proceeded to suffocate slowly but steadily,
A victim of a crime that was silent but deadly.

There was this guy Bart that I met in Prague,
Told me his girlfriend lived down in a bog.
“She’s big and she’s green, with long yellow fangs,
And seaweed hangs off of her head like green bangs.

The first time I met her she bit off my hand, and spit it out next to me into the sand.
The next time I met her, this guy Bart he said,
“If she bites you again, I’ll cut off her head.”

Well this time she bit off my leg, and she even ate Bart,
That’s when I decided that I had to start,
Thinking of ways to get rid of this creature,
So I hobbled to town to talk to the preacher.

“It’s love that it need!” he beamed at me,
“Just show it some love, and then you’ll see.”
So to the bog I went with love to share,
Bart’s girlfriend came out, and greeted me with a stare.

I shouted at her, “I came to share love!”
And offered her the preacher’s precious white dove.
Well she snatched up the dove, broke it in two,
Threw it aside and said “Now onto you!”

I turned to run as fast as I could,
But was bitten in half like an old piece of wood.
My final thought before I had died,
Was that love had solved nothing, the preacher had lied.