When all the lights fly out
From the insects we use to collect,
Staying up under a tree with an old wooden swing
Pushing higher to see if you could project
Yourself over the branches above.
Telling me someday you'd escape
As you pulled the lid away
Watching those neon colors go up.

In the blink of an eye,
We became the adults we tried
So hard not to become.
Pretending as children we knew our futures,
Fabricating ideas, really we had none.

As we got older and distant,
I sit under this tree and miss
The person who sat next to me.
As the wind blows cold air,
A rickety swing moves slow
Almost knowing I wish you were here.

In the kingdom of the lost,
The one who is found
Still doesn't have a home.
In the crowd of people I saw,
The one who knew everyone
Was the person who felt the most alone.
As they call anyone for help,
Perpetuating back only dial tone.

Some entangle themselves in abuse
Misreading love for a noose
Until they have the courage to cut through
Too late to know who they are anymore,
Blank shells falling to the floor
With a final shot to their body, no more.
One final shot and she's gone.

In the kingdom of the blind,
The one eyed man isn't king.
He sits on that throne wondering
If he's the only one who doesn't see.
Crying out through his days
Wishing to understand the beautiful things
Unknown to only he.

I went to my room and sat regressing
My mind distressing, dissecting our conversation.
You said we need to end this as we got older
Thinking of anyone else on my shoulder. I can't.
I gave my heart, taken in your soul, locked away.
Standing in a state of shock as you talked,
As you walked me through everything you meant to me,
Forget that, everything I meant to you.

The part of all of this that really stands out,
The part, to this day, you don't believe
Is that as you were about to jump south,
I grabbed your hand and begged you not to leave
Selfishly, I saved you. Really you had saved me.
I'm sorry, you felt I held you back in restraint,
Only seeing in color as you gave me the paint,
Only to sit in stagnant waters as you waved.

We made goals in the present, remember?
Gifting me with a future, for better or worse
You were mine, I was yours.
Now here in this place alone in a curse
Of every memory we made, that burns
Happiness in a moment,
Sadness to be atoned with.

Still sitting here, my head aches in confusion,
The illusion of forever never felt fake.
You've got demons to fight
I just thought I was the sidearm you'd take
As the night's getting colder
My thirst for your presence leaves me awake,
So I did as you say, made lemonade
Yet the more that I drink,
The more parched my mouth stays.

I grew up in a small town just like you,
Wandering the streets with nothing to do.
We had dreams of beautiful chaos
Only stopping to laugh off our lives,
Don't talk about the issues that keep us up at night,
Standing broken but whole in the right light,
Standing whole seen through broken eyes.

Remember the times we hit the highway
Flying fast, transitioning from the 81 to 80
Hoping we might just run out of gas
Giving us a reason to not turn back,
While listening to all the anthems
That made us miss a childhood we never had.
With tears in your eyes,
you turned the music down low
Meeting your solemn gaze
You begged me not to take you home.

I grew up in a small town just like you
Until the night we didn't turn around
In search of something new

Six people in every line,
I wait the time, it's really fine.
I'm sure they're busy, no need to tizzy,
The cashier looks dizzy in a rush.
While the man in front of me is getting flushed
He's yelling incoherently for all to see,
Apologies, sir, the rest of us
Have no place to be as you believe.
The line is moving,
placing everything on the conveyor
They're out of plastic so they bag in paper.
The cashier scans all of it in ten seconds flat
"Cash or card, sir?" I forgot my wallet.
Time to put it all back

Laying up late, flipping through magazines,
Look at these beautiful people,
The bodies of angels who deserve to be seen,
Reading articles, thinking one day,
That could be me.
I just need to lose this waste of flesh, of fat,
Looking into a mirror of everything I hate.
Models can do it, they aren't just built like that.
Thinking one day, that could be me.

I'll skip lunch for a week, just speak
As if I'd eaten a lot before
No one will question me, I'm sure.
I'm quiet regardless, I started cutting down
On the other meals as they come around.
I've been a little dizzy and lightheaded
But I already lost 20 pounds,
One day I'll be beautiful,
Standing over a speechless crowd.

People are starting to take notice,
I'm nervous, making excuses.
I eat here and there so they know I've had enough
Then slip off to get it back up.
My chest hurts a little but I can reach my goal,
To be like the beautiful people, I would sell my soul
Even if I had to starve myself whole.

I sit in a room with a pen and a pad,
Was called a failure by most,
I needed to show the potential I had.
The same people that turned into ghosts
Were the same who said they were glad
I never gave up, they were cheering me on. Thinking on my past, everyone was gone
No one wanted to see the levels I was thinking.
I'm sorry, I can never give up on dreaming.
If all this life is, is a nine to five,
I don't feel I am even alive.

You can work a soulless job, don't get me wrong,
Everybody needs some cash for food,
But working your life away seems wrong,
That concept isn't new.
They'll tell you life is all about money,
Material greed that keeps you running
Still the heart of your body wants something
Deep down you know the truth.

Your worth is only measured in printed paper
For someone to cut you down with later.
Week after week you get that paycheck
Still questioning if you have their respect,
Still questioning if you have self-respect.
Until the day, they need you, you don't need it.
However today, I sit with this pen
Digging deep for the inspiration
Not to quit.