all i wanna be
is not me.

lately, there's been a boy
who's been in my mind for days
been around me for seven years
and more
some days, i think i love him
other days, i think he loves me
sometimes, i think i don't
other times, i think i'm just talking to myself
telling myself
all of that could be true

he's in love with someone else,
that much is true
and i'd be lying if i said i wasn't sad because of it
even though i have no right to
it makes me wonder if i really do love him
or if i just love being around him
calling him mine
even if it's not the way he calls her "mine"

these days, he loves me,
looks at me
as if i really am the one
makes me listen to his favorite songs
listen to his soul
talks to me like he wants to tell me
everything
everything about him

is it true? tell me, is it?
or does it actually matter?
do i love him? or do i not?
do i want to love him? and if so, why so?
loving him, and loving what could be him are two different things
and yet, are so alike

love is odd, love is strange
he is odd, he is strange
i am, too, i am, too

he confuses me, in more ways than one
i wonder if i confuse him, too.

on days that seem so fast
it's the slow things that keep you going
stop, smell the flowers, they say
even if the road is so far away

i'm happy right now,
for better, for worse
and i find it quite liberating
i'm not doing anything
i don't do much anymore
and yet i still do

i still do a lot of things
but not because i must do a lot of things
but because i like doing them
i like doing them and it's fun to do them
when no one is telling you you have to

happiness is a word that's very difficult to describe
or so so many people say
but walking a slow pace
and living life as if it's long
looks to me like a happy face

my friend told me,
"life is short, but we've got time"
and so i'll make my life mine.

she's pretty and kind and funny and i like her
and some days i think she might like me too
she's got a cute laugh and a nice smile and pretty face and nose
and every time i look at her she glows

she's imperfect and flawed and sometimes i don't like her
and definitely at the beginning i didn't
but for some reason i still like being around her
and all the things about her

i don't know if this is just a crush
or love that loves just the idea of her
but she's pretty and smart and funny and kind
and i think that's enough to want her to be mine.

it's hard to ask for advice
when you feel like you don't deserve it
it's hard to want to be happy
when you've never been anything like it
it's hard to want to change
when you feel like you can't ever
it's hard to want to feel whole
when you can never keep it together.

today, im feeling blue, blue, blue
in every single hue, hue, hue
not that it's anything new, new, new
not like it's never because of you, you, you.

days without
are the worst kind of days
because they remind me of the time
when were still here
when we used to laugh all the time
and never be without a smile
even when i had trouble to

every day without
keeps me regret ever meeting
because people cry as much as they laugh
and made me more happy than anybody

all the days without
keep reminding me
that aren't here anymore
that can't speak to me anymore
can't sing to me anymore
can't smile to me anymore

days without
tell me that i can't live without
that i don't want to be anything without
that i am nothing without

love,
still love