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...
Ruby Nemo Jan 2022
...
believe him when he says
I will always take care of you
because even if he fails you
at least you'll be devastated
at least you'll feel something
jan. 26, '22
Ruby Nemo Mar 2018
pull me in just to
pull it all away.
1
Ruby Nemo Sep 2019
1
I am distracted from sadness,
but it is still there,
always.
I want to be with other people
to take away the physical hurt I feel
from not being with you.
It's a crushing feeling,
feeling you gone.
I don't want it to be like this.
But I also know what I deserve,
and I know you cannot give that to me.
I am not sure that anyone can.
All my life I have been
a hopeless romantic,
always seeing the beautiful sides of things
and ignoring the ugly.
But maybe there's just
too much ugly,
and there's no way I can
avoid or escape it anymore.
I want to be with you,
forever,
even still.
I miss the darkness.
Maybe I am not destined to be happy,
to be satisfied.
I still know that I am meant
to be with you,
and I long for you to be next to me.
I think I should call you.
I think I shouldn't,
I think I will.
september 2019
2
Ruby Nemo Sep 2019
2
I miss you more than you can imagine
I love you, unconditionally
You are the rock and the ground that I stand on
Without you I know I'll fall down
Please don't give up
Don't call it the end
You are my best friend
I need you through the downfalls
I know I don't know
Much about this life
But I know you
And that is enough for me
september 2019
<3
Ruby Nemo Jun 2021
<3
who I once was
she seems to miss the new me
long before the now me ever came to be
in her sadness and suffering, she sees
the whispering promise from me
love the earth, leave it be
leave all your pain behind us
glance towards me, I'm bright like the sun
remember the souls you've adopted,
and take the good parts with you.
anything else, well, it's not for us anyways.
6.25.21
Ruby Nemo Sep 2019
Love is no feeling

Not a gradual acceptance of something

Love is a state of being,

a pure form of the human psyche

Not changing, or wary, or broken

Never established nor did it come into being.

And I love you to death,

It will never ripple, never shift.

Love is not warmth,

not ******,
nor selfish,

nor is it active.

It is already within us,

already within me when I found you.

Love can't die out,

Can't tarnish or take away,

Can't hurt and it always stays the same.
september 2019
4
Ruby Nemo Sep 2019
4
you used to hold me when the world was falling
5
Ruby Nemo Sep 2019
5
What am I doing here?
Where the hell am I?
I need you. I don't know how to do this alone.
I hurt myself because I want to feel close to you.
I thought I could handle this, but I'm losing.
I can do anything, I can be anything,
but I can't do it without you next to me.
I don't know how much more I will break,
but I'm afraid.
september 2019
Ruby Nemo Jan 2020
Did you call me to show a new
Side of you
I never knew
You're coming home again
Oh, love, please come home
January 2020
6
Ruby Nemo Sep 2019
6
still the tongue of possibility slithers its way
into the corners of my lips, but I remember
how you told me to always stay away
be near me, love deeply
if I blow you a kiss, do not catch it
if I tell you I love you, believe me
run away when our time comes to an end, because
someday you will be happy you fled.
september 2019
7
Ruby Nemo Sep 2019
7
I pray that somewhere out there,

someone more powerful than I

loves you more than I possibly could.

I pray that God loves me

more than I love myself

because He knows what I am capable of.

I pray that God will take care of you

because I try,

everyday,

and I don't think that the earthly capabilities

of fragile little me will be enough

to save you from yourself.

So find comfort in the fact that,

even when I am not with you,

someone that loves you stronger, deeper, and completely

is always by your side.
september 2019
8
Ruby Nemo Sep 2019
8
I'd lose myself forever, for you
if you would never leave
I'd become broken and bruised
if you'd hold me through it
I'd give up my life
to give you another day
Just one day without conflict
A glimpse of an easy life
I'd give up the rest of my days
for you to experience stable happiness
even without me.
september 2019
9
Ruby Nemo Sep 2019
9
And I would choose to suffer with you
than to be healthy with another.
Immersed in the reality of your decay
so long as I can still be your angel.
My heart isn't here,
my heart is with you.
My mind doesn't think,
my brain spins around you.
And I would choose to be darkened
than to light up with joy in your absence.
september 2019
Ruby Nemo Sep 2019
You're stepping on the definite line
That separates the realms of my consciousness

What would it be,
If I had love for me?
I can't ever leave,
I will never flee,
I would never want to.
Although I am not a treasure,
In your eyes or mine
To stay is better than for me to be free . . .
september 2019
Ruby Nemo Feb 2018
journey like an opened letter
concern creeps through corners
monotonal lucidity attacking reality
speedupthevideo to pack the info
can't be left blank, must have some supplement

it's mental, more cynical
uninformed ***** take your seat
they'll tear you apart long before
you melt

seduction raises no awareness
my focus seems stable
has the fog gotten to your head, darling?
another explanation is deceivable

everyday operation is painful

sewing together your ideas into a DUMB PILLOW

you sleep on it, closed minded attraction

In need
Ruby Nemo May 2019
I'm not as good as they say I am.
Just a mop top **** with no direction.
I'm not as selfless as I want to be,
consistently giving in and giving up.
Stand your ground, show them you're strong.
Then go and disappoint yourself.
Help up like a rat, where you always belonged,
because there's no group central enough,
no friend generous enough,
no mother caring enough or boy even willing to try.
My isolation is a defense from the drama,
from the empty conversations and recurring embarrassments.
Like a clock, my hands have been broken,
worn from unfinished paintings,
and poems I don't have the courage to end.
I'm not as creative as they say that I am,
unable to fulfill requests as they come,
and I run from opportunity like it'll **** me.
A pretty face with a pretty sweet talk,
but I'll fool you like you've never been fooled before.
I'll show you things you have never seen,
like unjustified morals and an unwillingness to fight.
[ I'll show you a home for the most passionate desires,
with all it's doors locked so they can never escape. ]
And I'll stick around
for the hopeless dream that someday I may find somebody who cares half as much as I do.
I'm weak, I am afraid of pain,
Afraid of acting too much like myself.
04-23-2019
Ruby Nemo Mar 2018
restoring decency because it's all you try to do
doubtful objectivity
I could question you for monstrous heights
shrink and cower when defendable
you sound like a chick
distractions own lives when you club them
remove thyself from the competitors and seekers
maybe seriousness is to be taken lightly
like a fish lecturing a doctor
negative hesitation balances victimization
but then you want to be higher
agree with me
Ruby Nemo Dec 2018
can't fight these harsh feelings
they fill my brain and envelop me
every time I see you,
my vision is blurred and I remember,
I start to remember the words you first said
I thought they were so stupid
but I laughed right along,
assuming the best of you.

I don't like to remember all the good times we had
for reality is far too painful to comprehend
without you, babe, I never even thought
I needed you
or someone like you . . .
it hurts to relive the glory days

I love to remember all the good times we had
for they fill me with hope that,
someday I'll be with someone even better
stronger, kinder, more honest, even
can you imagine? my head has a hard time
grasping an image of happier feelings
than the ones you were able to make me feel
every single waking second.

the emotions blow over,
as I am forced to ignore you
but remember love,
I was so ready to love you.
12-04-18
Ruby Nemo Mar 2018
crank the bass to beat away the day
my memory is infected
paranoid of a repercussion
waiting for minutes on end, but no one answers
feel the rhythm through each streetlight as
they sway left to right
I'm l o s t in the night
only a few things to keep you out
indulging in changing news
and stuffing my days with silence
incorporate my feelings in their lousy poems but I
could write them better.
thoughts infiltrate a peaceful brain
turn it up, drown it out
first step is finding time
then finding a place
then staying quiet
move in sudden bursts
no color, only black and white
hit the road but through tinted eyes
music moving me more than you ever could
stay away, I constantly pray
in your world, finding a new lover just
means a new problem so
I'll swim solo for now
cranking up the bass, calling out to the single walker
step aside before I fall
Ruby Nemo Mar 2019
I know I am acting strange
but you asked for all of me
So here I am, in dirt and grit
Do with me what you will
Fulfillment's overrated
and now I'm seeing stars
Disoriented on a train track
I'm working myself to the bone
a war I've already won
Though they see me as weak,
I could do this for hours . . .
I'll staple your notes to the ceiling
Just to fall asleep to you
I'm stealing satisfaction
as you steal your parent's car
for a stolen moment with me
We'll sink too deeply, I don't know why
I'm still so inclined
to leave family behind
Because if you ask me,
Your love is all blind
I laugh when they say bind
No matter what, you'll be forever for me
03-23-19
Ruby Nemo Sep 11
in this water, nothing flows.
around these parts, the shallow winds carry traces of me.

i don't want to stay behind. it's too cold back here, by myself.
i don't want to wait up. it's late and i am growing more tired by the passing minute.

behind these walls, boxes of memories i have hidden from you.
maybe i hid them from myself. either way, let's not look.

like a cup of coffee, still too hot to take a sip,
like a familiar song playing in an unfamiliar place,
like when they make an unexpected concession for you
just because they knew you'd be pleasantly surprised. full.  
it feels... well, you know.
09/11/2024
Ruby Nemo Jan 2019
little fantasies floating above my head
a honeymoon so dark, dear boy
can we recover? do you think we can hold?
never a moment so still
as the moment you loved me in the middle of the night.
there are many ways to love, but yours is my favorite
take hold of my dreams. . .
open my eyes so I can't fall asleep,
so I don't miss a moment
of laughter or snickers or tears.
01-14-19
Ruby Nemo Feb 2020
you have this secret life,
I've seen you there.
you do amazing things,
make adventures into memories,
and fantasies into pleasure.
in this little life of yours,
I've wanted to **** you:
to stand at the top of the stairs,
and watch you fall.
these portents are pointless,
and you're my biggest competitor.
february 10, 2020
Ruby Nemo May 2018
she wakes me up in the morning with a song on her lips
I silently pray that God will prolong her happiness
having more time to understand her motions
her eyes fix on the headboard above me
as to say, "your eyes are too harsh"
I can't look into them anyway
another moment; a day
asleep with your
soft silence
beside
me
05-27-18
Ruby Nemo Jun 2020
caught in a loop
I once was naive
healthy and happy
incapable of being deceived
but how can this world
turn colors and shapes?
how can the earth
seem to be erased?
how can the time
pass without care?
and I wouldn't dare
to keep track.
the questions that **** me
the ones that sting deep
are those of existence
and pressure, and soul
for how can everything that defines me,
the entirety of my soul,
the vastness of my being be confined?
I'm stuck in this body,
I'm no more than a beating heart.
how can I explain that to people?
so I lay here,
under the light of an eight-ray moon,
which glitters and sparkles,
challenging the sun.
i think of the leaves
on the tree in the woods
how they weren't dead, but dying...
not green yet not entirely black...
and it filled me with grief.
why can't this beauty last forever?
why am I contained in this temporary body,
with feelings and problems and false obligations?
wishing the tree's would carry me away
I mourn the temporality of appreciation
eternally
june 3, 2020
Ruby Nemo Mar 2019
I can't bear to leave you tonight
I may fall ill of the loneliness instilled
In my heart each time we must painfully part
Morning regret, mourning
I have waited, I've cried, I've so hopelessly tried to find you
Listening to the same songs
Until we become consciously insane
And clinically deranged
03-09-19
Ruby Nemo Jul 2018
There comes a time in man's gentle endeavors in which their person flutters through. Not perfect, not even close. When all of the essentials are blatantly missing, but nevertheless you chase. And it's not the chase; it cannot be, because that chase is distinguishable from all else.

Though still, the heavy burden provokes. Why? Well, man may claim the uncertainty of such an underdeveloped string of emotions, yet in some fashion this is utterly obscure. If my opinions not be discerned from a folly fool, let my brain be put to rest!

No, I say, it is much deeper than that. When simple dining becomes strenuous, and the tear ducts loose, another vague instance is to blame. It is not the result of a mere first glance. It is not the result of the wave of a hand. Hell, it is not even that which has evolved from a childish fling. It is something called My Person Condition.

And it is more complex, still. It is worthy of noting that a condition is identified in a modified fashion. See that this is no disease, no ailment, no illness. An unfortunate victim has no hopes of returning to their former, less-impaired self, but their opinions are clouded so fully that this, to them, brings upon great advantages. Yet the scars and piercing truths that lurk within MPC prove to be a particularly heavy load for most to carry.

The earliest symptoms may include the following: loss of appetite, perspiration, anxious breathing, spotted vision, hallucinations, reclusiveness, futuristic thoughts, rage, severe bipolar tendencies, self-contradiction, loss of sleep, loss of energy, sorrow, hopefulness, nightmares, and ****** rejection resulting in extractions such as emesis, urination, and excessive bleeding. Patients will also find difficulty in restricting their thoughts to those which do not include their person. The danger that lies within this condition is extensive, but can be overturned with the proper care and medical attention.

Perhaps I have refrained from discussing the most detrimental force assigned to any MPC sufferer, and that is the false sense of progression of mental feelings of stability. As days move on, and nights drag out into the next, new faces are introduced at an increasingly rapid rate. This can be destructive in the sense that the victim will gain a false grip on reality. They will reject further treatment, stand down in a circulation of positive vibrations, and cease to recall the importance of their continuous efforts against their condition.

A day rolls around in several years. They share feelings of gratitude and affection with another being, pretending that their person has left their mind for good. Until the radio threatens to remind them of so long ago, the compulsive nights that were spent in pursuit of an extra pinch of knowledge. Until the box fills the patient's ears with a sweet melodic voice spun from pure gold and coated in the finest finish. MPC revives itself like a flame inside their heart, inside their bloodstream. Renewal flows through their veins at a painless rate - until a grin spreads across their face, their head is turned back around, and there they are.
My Person.
07-06-18
Ruby Nemo Jun 2019
someday I'll get higher than life itself and all the whimpering willows and giggling nymphs will surround me and perform their water dances as I purify the fallen river with light rays of silver that extend longingly from my fingertips, and the green of the sky will wave a hasty goodbye as the darkness fades into the sun, and the little brown shoes of the musical fairies get lost in the swaying fields of devotion, making a home among other dreams lost or forgotten in the days past, but they feed and flow into this river of mine and serve as nutrition for the rays to align, aligning in purpose and star-dusted as gold.
06-13-19
Ruby Nemo Jul 2019
I want to find where your happiness grows

familiar stories and trivial sleep

forgetting the feeling of falling too deep

let's soak up the fear that they know what we know

I'll dry all your tears and soften the blows

invited by fire, we're drawn to the heat

attracted to twilight

the dawn blooms in your eyes

eyes dart behind me, but are we alone?

there might be a creeper way, way down below

baby, show me your love, make me weep

show the moon your big horns and the secrets we keep

let's make this a good night

air trapped in blue waters, we flow

never question, we can't miss this fight
2019
Ruby Nemo Aug 2019
Beautiful and Deliberate
Such a faint little hope
Contrary Things
Taken back to infinity
No One Can Be Happy Unwillingly
Applying punishment for ignorance
Living Carelessly
You're pushing me off the deep end.
Vice Of The Soul
Corruptions Of The Body
Beyond a human being
Is where I lie...
Undaunted.
07-31-19
Ruby Nemo Feb 2018
find me at the hall in\between
Love and sadness
frighten me summoning signs
roots slides pick it up
muffled sounds blend
into the noise
searching so hard for subtle change
did I run after you?
Now it's not me but just one
friendly lunch, overwhelming coherence
if you leave I can make up for you
Bothersome don't affect much
walking through the hall without a single care
but
I'm single, and you care
Ruby Nemo Jan 2019
someday we will be able to uncover all the hopeless needs of our deeper selves, as one... together, we fall into a sea of curiosity. I don't know for sure what lies underneath, but as long as our hands are intertwined and thoughts aligned, I'll trust. we're living a double life, as innocent and sacred behavior masks the reprehensible scandals. but as long as we stay, keep secrets far away, take this one day by day, together we will pray we can last as long as time.
12-25-18
Ruby Nemo Jun 2018
quiet stares as friends are made
a trade within your own space
playing all the same songs
why can't the melodies change?
deranged and uncomfy
one ticket to love me, but
am I coming on too strong?
I just want to move this along
making the most of this time
the short while you're mine
an endless night
of wine, I'll tell you
secrets a thousand souls have heard
and you'll laugh like they're brand new
because I'm still brand new, to you.
06-11-18
Ruby Nemo May 2018
how can you know?
it's merely a show
a sleepless night
three meters below the rising sun.
in the impact zone
I watch as you chase
a love out of your league
but time will erase
all memories with ease
stop by, if you please.
you're so vague, I struggle for words
to define our fate
maybe I'm catching a glimpse of
what looks just like bait,
so they can reel me in...
pull me under...
I'm a sucker for love and need to take cover
Don't let me go!
I need something to hold on to!
your careless affection
toomuchtotakein
I'm sleepless tonight.
Lying awake, drowned by anger and
sadness and fear
yet still wanting you here
05-07-18
Ruby Nemo Nov 2021
abrupt in her silences
hesitant in the important moments in life
he fell apart at the sight of her
she cried and ran the other way
fueled by fire, stigmatized
carrying her to the sidelines
we all need something,
sometimes we take what was never meant for us.
11.15.21
Ruby Nemo Jun 2018
he's turning me bad
as lying becomes habit
and drinking, routine
and smoking, an outlet

he's turning me bad
as I sneak out the house
to meet up and makeout
with no one around

he's turning me bad
so bad I can't recall
innocent days of my youth
skipping all down the hall

he's turning me bad
when I skip my last class
to drive to his house
my location turned off

he's turning me bad
with those light eyes I saw
this new me, I like it
maybe I've been bad, after all
06-20-18
Ruby Nemo May 2018
one drink, don't blink
spinning in circles to the rhythm of another's laughter
one step, a slip
the wall on my hand speaks in numbered tones
one lie, listen close
wondering how I will feel after . . .
a song, a friend
bloodshot eyes and a broken bone.

can every memory sound this crazy?
I hear you, but my recollection is hazy
can every night be this predictable?
touching the breeze as it slips through the window
I'm lazy, for a more journalistic approach
can't faze me; I'm too far and tied down.

one mind, three others
hoping, wishing for a meeting with brothers
a glass, almost empty
wasted away cause the night tips you uspdie-dwon
one single dream, an alarm to wake
reality defines and leaves to ache
05-22-18
Ruby Nemo Mar 2018
impulsive decisions brutally shaping life
a fading image of angels
time stops for one whole night
the memories could be fatal and
challenging to his future endeavors

if he wouldn't have kissed her
with words about magical presence
poetic bums forgetting about the present
separated by the northern winds

too afraid of losing each other to really hold on
she missed the night but
his hope never lessened
a love worth waiting for, it makes you patient

why waste time on anyone
when one day, to have a love that curious,
when getting to know someone isn't strenuous,
but entering her mind and all its cabinets
he recognized himself in the reflection of her green eyes

a simple story
timeless with regretful inevitabilities
no matter how destiny plays out
he will always wonder . . . . . . . .

what if?
Ruby Nemo Oct 2018
Every day gets better and I can sense the deepening connection but then he turns his back on me, taking us back to the beginning and leaving me in constant wonder. And he's beautiful like a chilly Big Prairie night sky with skin that beckons and a song that sends shivers.  How can I keep winding down this dark road when I know, yes I know, that so soon we will fall? My holiday road, so narrow I crawl, attempting to reach something out of my reach! My dear, come near, you're needed right here, alone but I feel like I'm with the whole world. How can you deceive, how you move every string, delicate and tender and afraid of tangles, how can you be sure of a love so undiscovered? A misunderstanding, perhaps no more than a dream.
10-18-2018
Ruby Nemo Sep 2018
dancing in a cloud

your movements on my mind ✍(◔◡◔)
I'm fancy, worth millions ᕙ('▿´)ᕗ
and too shy to say out loud ⁀⊙﹏☉⁀
you're old fashioned, I like it (❛‿❛✿̶̥̥)

let's keep the bright light living

oh, flowery day, I beg you ✿̶̥̥
prevent from blowing away

the unused particles of a drunken night's sleep
madness in the brain
unacceptable delusion

when it jolts you into the future ᕙ( ︡'︡益'︠)ง
calm and collected, all somber (≖_≖ )
maturity comes with a degree of knowledge (╥︣﹏᷅╥᷅)
and beauty comes with age (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

never, my darling, come near 1!!1!!1!!
a bumping bass that

resounds in my ear <('o'<)
it shakes the car mirror ⊙.◎)

but I'm born again
into the faulty attempts of a surrounding love
lonely and broken, I'm full of life
like lightning ☜☆☞
flash quickly
and l ea v e t h e m a l l f or d ea d
08-29-18
Ruby Nemo Sep 2018
I've never written while drunk before
A hot tub night while awaiting a text
can't text, it's hopeless
mistakes thumping through the mind game
and I'm simply alone in my head

alone and confused
I'm not yet amused

believe me, the day is long
and my feet are tired
I miss you but can't say so
I'm tired but can't sleep though
stay with me for the long haul
I'll overlook the agonies
to foresee the lovable future
You
09-23-18
Ruby Nemo Jan 2018
head up above everyone around you
intimidation fills him high
eyes forward, don't think of settling
her expectations are higher than even he is
you can live off of it
entitled to everything, offering nothing but a pretty face
they all believe you
you aren't aware of their innocent thoughts
not caring enough to speak up
not feeling anger, not feeling anything really
like a robot with her chin up
chin up pin-up, like a doll
you're going to make him wait
he doesn't know how cold you are
cold hands, fake nails and a ticket to the universe
maybe think of settling
someday you'll forget all of this
right now, there is a point
too self-centered to advise him differently
Ruby Nemo Mar 2018
will a man love me, like the willow loves the day
the way her branches cradle the setting sun in the evening sky
clinging to every memory that comes her way?
Ruby Nemo Mar 2019
There's a riff that rips at the seams of my memories

Can you hurt yourself to remember

the heaven we gave up on?

Flying high with eyes of green

King of the underground music scene

And me, in the woodwork

Desperate for a darker fix

A flawless fuse, but our love has been shorted.
03-20-19
Ruby Nemo Jan 2019
careless energy

cautious words

fed up with realism

feed me new life

a stare

seven smiles

tell me I can't write a poem

interpret deception

help me in any way you can

wilting away

as dreams all stay

promise me forever

take me out of this mess

untangle

relieve.
01-16-19
Ruby Nemo Jul 2018
tightened with a bent car key
around the town where love don't grow
send me away with a shirt on my back
no bills left to pay cause I paid them away
start fresh, start over
beginning again with you seems new
and, my dear, we're growing older
the sounds emerge like a cricket at night
don't stumble, compose
don't stutter, don't fumble
away from the gray that is everyday
far from the drugs that cast me this way
left this town for another so sweet
I barely fit in these shoes on my feet
eager, not hungry
all that is good is plenty.
07-29-18
Ruby Nemo Mar 2019
I wish I felt creative
in a world of rainbow lens
where friends are hard to come by
and promises left on open-end
I wish I had capacity
to choose what's right for me

I'm a catastrophe
and nothing is worth losing you
I wonder if I should even try
because I see the girls who are less than I
successfully catching your eye
2019
Ruby Nemo Sep 2019
Knowing a little bit about a lot
I'm covered in remains
of dust from stars we had captured
Held tightly to my chest,
just something I cannot let go of.
Can't you recall,
the spirit of adventure,
prevalent
Prevalent
In everything you do
We left the memories behind us
but the light still resonates through you

I won't tell you how the sun shines on my skin in the morning
Or make beautiful exaggerations of the whispers of the wind while I'm walking
I won't pretend that every conversation is poem potential
Because since you, words burn like Hell
september 2019
Ruby Nemo Dec 2018
There's a certain attractiveness in agony
To be drawn to something destructive
Like perpetual bliss within a simple discomfort

Whether your soul is old, or it's just learned wisdom
The distraction serves as a habitual nuance
Slowly pulling the strings of routine until each knot is loosened,
Each wall built up is cut into a thousand pieces

Please refrain from bestowing temptations upon me
For I am not strong
I lack critical mindful muscles, and in place are romantic fantasies
I haven't trained my posture to withstand it all,
So do me a favor, leave me untied, all broken up
If not, I shall succumb to a heartthrob personality
My body is fully unable to afford it

With words, a gentle mind is twisted
With a glance, the guiltless eye wanders
I have come to learn that, despite all attempts to repel emotional buckles, the severity of a sweet soul is far too powerful to overcome.
It seems as if I have no choice at all

I am feeling corrupted
Though you promise me ease
Teach me to have faith in your dismemberment
Simultaneous devotion to a psyche so unfamiliar to me
I'm wrapped up in chains, though you swear to me freedom

To where can I possibly turn?
12-13-18
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