I woke up rainy one day
with storm in my eyes
my feet already wearing boots

I was ready to wade
into the river
to tear up nets
set by strange hands
break the barriers
keeping the current captive

then leave wet footprints
on the shore
with the wind leashed
by my side
a loyal wolf
dog eyed and only half wild

we need a plan
in case of emergencies
and unexpected nightfalls
when the world turns sharp edged
and strange

we need to prepare
for days of pale faces
wet socks
and cold hands

we need to hold each other
and mend each other’s tears
- sowing the untethered buttons back on

we need to let ourselves breathe
when the air is hard to come by
and we need to let go
of stale dreams
that rot away in attic corners
and dusty chests

we need to walk
into the shiny street
wearing nothing
but our best smiles
reserved for Sundays
and first stork nests

I went out after dark again
to smell the flowers in our garden
the sky was whisper-thin
vanilla scented
cherry sour

and you were still inside
my empty empty
butterfly heart

because
as you know
I was never that smart

I hope you find
that silver lining

I hope you still smile
that crooked smile

I hope you discover
that great design

And I

I will be fine

I lean my head on the windowpane,
and watch the snowflakes swirl
and plummet to the ground;
your room is warm and smells like Earl Grey tea
and mahogany;
words spill out from cluttered shelves
and pour out of half-open drawers;
I sit in your favorite chair,
all alone;
my brittle fingers,
with their hollow bones,
search for pieces of you,
hidden away in nooks
and corners,
in leather bound volumes
and lingering notes of Bergamot.

The clock is ticking loudly,
like always,
and I sit and watch the door.

You were my professor
and I was your flighty student
and you could never teach me to
think before I loved

You were always so serious
with your frowns
and your sad grey eyes
and I was a swirl
of dancing skirts
and little white lies

You talked with me
and you walked with me
for many winter-kissed miles
and when I felt you turn away
I tickled your hidden smiles

And I want you to know
you were my first place prize

Do you remember that day?

That day when ice-cream dripped
down our fingers
and we were so happy

Weren't we?

The day our eyes closed
from the force of our smiles
and our fingertips tingled
and tickled our feather-wings

It was the longest summer
- the hottest in living memory they say

But to us the heat only meant
the days were ours to drink
- endless hours in the grass

We lounged by the lazy river
and you played with the brim
of my big white hat
and you smiled
with the whole of your body

Do you remember that?

It's winter now
and I'm wearing my navy coat
with brass buttons
- like a soldier's
and my steps echo
along your scenic street

I don't even turn my head
when I pass by
your white picket fence

there are no more games to play
no more running around in circles
until our heads spun
and our legs gave out
under the weight of our laughs
no more twirling under
the sun at noon
with nothing
but the sounds of the forest
to be our tune

we left it all in the dust
slowly crawling away
inside our under-lived lives
until we were so far removed
from that swirling stream
of long honeydew days
that we could not even remember
how it felt to run barefoot in the rain