Feelings that cannot feel
Reaching the max
Caring to the point of apathy
I wish there was a boundary
A stop
An end
Instead of excess there is less
Empty hollowed out feelings
I care
I care
I care so much
I can't feel anything
at all

Sometimes* I cannot describe exactly what I
Feel Sometimes it's hard to say exactly what is
Real Sometimes I tend to stray more towards the
Dark Sometimes I fear that I haven't made a
Mark Sometimes I think that I am running out of
Time Sometimes I wonder if this life is really
Mine Sometimes I feel like I am forever
Scarred Sometimes I feel like everyone is
Marred Always I tend to think these things inside my
Head Always I think them but only sometimes they are
*Said

Cut me with the truth
Don't stroke me with a lie

Quit playing the victim
There are some things you can't deny

Stop

Put an end to what you've done
I wish you could reverse time
and put things back to the way they were before

It's too late

And we're stuck in this indefinable loop of hypocrisy
As my mind spins round and round trying desperately to comprehend
this mindless carousel of emotions

Look me in the eye as you twist the knife
That's all I ask

I'm beyond caring just let me know
I don't care if it makes me bleed
I just want a piece of truth
of hope
of something
to hold on to as I brace for the impact

There once was a girl
so pretty and shy
She trusted the world
on her friends she relied
She was happy and smiling
no one ever wondered why
She was sweet and comforting
like warm apple pie

But life grabbed her neck
Wrenched open her eyes
Told her to get ready
for a big surprise
She could see it now
Terrified at the size
Everywhere she looked
just Hatred and Lies
discouraged and disheartened
She let out a sigh
This world she once loved
She began to despise

There once was a girl
so bitter and wry
She hated the world
and wanted to die
Every day she went home
Every day she would cry
and after an endless amount
of things gone awry
She knew what to do
looked up at the sky
there was one word left to say
and that word was
“goodbye”

Blood turned to ice
Why did I say the things I said?
I never thought that these thoughts could live outside my head
Maybe I should’ve kept them hidden instead

Bury them deep down inside
Push them farther and farther
Is it them or me that wants to hide?

Throwing out the words puts me in harm’s way
Feeling the debris collide with me from the things I say


Hot white shock in the chest
Why couldn’t I say it before it was too late?
Before they went through the entrance and left me at the gate
Holding back the words negates that fate

Try to open up, but fear holds me back
A dry heave where nothing leaves
Get it out or I’ll feel it crack

Choosing the safe route while trying to win
it’s filled with “what if” and “ what might have been”


A two-sided coin
That bites you either way
No matter what, I seem to regret
The things I said,
Or didn’t say

It is soft.
Not violent, or angry.
But soft and sad and wistful.
It can be painful.
A bee sting
Without knowing you’re allergic.
How long have I been struggling to breathe?
Ignore.
It is a wake-up call.
Ignore.
I thought I didn’t care but
Ignore.
I didn’t realize quite how long I had been
Ignoring this.
Forced to face up.
This *****.
And I wish I could put it more poetically.
But the words don’t come to me.
Just the tightness in my chest
Suddenly has a name
Why do I have to hide it?
Why
I shouldn’t
I smile
And it’ll be fine
In awhile
A short while
I wish you all the best
all the best
With this pain in my chest
And a smile painted loosely with watercolors
I know I want your happiness
I just didn’t think
It would be like this
Realizations
Hit
When you aren’t quite expecting it
With the knowledge you think One Day
One Day
One Day
It’ll be my day
But not today.
Just not today.