they were talking about me in school today
like i wasn’t there.
they were talking about my sexuality
as if it were a debate topic.
they discuss my sexuality like i don’t cry myself to sleep thinking about it.
i hate myself for who i am,
and i hate myself even more for the way i hate myself
for the things i can’t control.
the gossip will continue.
my sexuality will be a discussion for years to come.
from myself and from people who don’t even know me
who think they know me
the kids that talked about me today did.
they knew my sexuality even before i did.

sometimes i wish i was six again
when you would hold me in your arms
and sing me a lullaby.
i miss how close we were,
you were always so loving,
and so kind.
i remember the days i would stay in your bed sick
and you would rub my back
and sing to me as i fell asleep.
i miss those days
i want to feel sick again
so you can make me feel better
is it weird i want to be back in your arms?
what if i asked you for
one more lullaby?

i follow you in the hallway
like a parasite to its host,
but you will never know
how bad i want you.
i could never tell you because i know
you would never feel the same.
i wonder what it would be like
if you would follow me down the hallway
the same i did to you.
i wonder if i would ever turn around and meet your gaze
like the way i prayed for you to reach mine
when i would follow you, but that would never happen.
even if your didn't have a girlfriend,
you'll never be mine