If only I were lonely
Maybe then you could hold me
Never looking for forever
Let us never lay together

You said it's going to be awhile, but you know something will happen,
You stupid little boy.
I don't want a relationship, not because I want to wait for you,
But, it's because I prefer my whiskey and kids' toys.

You obviously know your relationship won't last, though.
That's pretty sad, knowing you'll come back to me.
You're pretty pitiful,
But, I don't give you up because you're like a true lover and family.

It's going to be awhile, is that what you said?
That must mean your love for her is already dead,
If you're dating her, knowing you two will come to an unfortunate end.
But, I don't care because I have my whiskey and toys,

You know that it isn't going to last,
And you say it like you'll be coming back to me. That's pretty stupid,
Practically infidelity,
But, in a more heart wrenching package for that pitiful unloved soul, that you call your girlfriend.

But, you see, I won't be waiting for you,
Because I'm married to my whiskey.

Sometimes I need to write
to keep my mind at ease
If I don't, my hands get shaky
like the last leaf on the tree
Marksmanship is not necessary
when shooting the breeze
Daydreaming until reality
is just an illusion to me

Sometimes I need to write
to keep me level and grounded
If I don't, I start hearing voices
Then my head gets crowded
I follow the lead
whoever is the loudest
United States of Jeff
Population is countless

Sometimes I need to write
to mind my own business
If I don't, my body starts twitching
Swinging on anyone
within one arms distance
Please pray every day
we never cross those bridges
For those that won't listen
a fair warning was written