i used to be the girl with brown hair

i smiled a lot
i mean, why not?
that's what i thought.

i used to be the girl with blonde hair

blondes have more fun
everyday i got my nails done
and always felt like i won

i used to be the girl with black hair

i started feeling sad
for some reason my thoughts became bad
and i missed the old feelings i had

i used to be the girl with brown hair

i changed it back
no longer blonde or black
but happiness, i still lack

i am the girl with purple hair

when people see me they stare
they think i did it on a dare
they don't know how rare
happiness is for me, they can't compare
all they see is my purple hair

i'm a prisoner, held captive
everyday the same routine
dreaded to this fate that i have to live
since the day that i turned fifteen

no i'm not in jail
my prison cell is not something that can be seen
there isn't an amount of money that can pay my bail
realized that when i was sixteen

people ask me whats wrong
why i always look so mean
they said i needed to appreciate it because it won't be long
until i'm no longer seventeen

they don't understand how i feel
they think its just a lack of sleep, that i need some caffeine.
they don't get it, don't think it's real
i completely fade away, at the age of eighteen.

everything i touch
everywhere i go
everything i do
i ruin it all.

realizing that you mean nothing
to someone who means
so much to you
isn’t the worst feeling.
the worst feeling is
thinking they love you
as much as you love them
only to have them
turn their back on you
when you
needed them.
the worst feeling
is giving third
and fourth
chances to them
only to have them repeatedly
b r e a k
you. the worst is
having to continuously
tell yourself that it will get better
when it won’t.

keys
homework
wallet
studying
phone
plan ahead
cherish the moment
good memories
what life used to be like
the smell of your jacket
happiness
you
us

i sat today thinking about time
and how it changes
and makes the rest of it change
along with it.
how selfish, i thought
at first. the fact that
time feels the need to bring
the rest of us with it as
it leaves one state and
becomes another.
then i realized time just
doesn't want to be the only one
who has to change
every day.
hour.
minute.
and while change can be bad.
it can also be good.

whenever i write
i have to write the title last.
i am never sure where
my story is going to go
and i don't want a title
holding me back from writing
whatever i want.
i guess sometimes
people don't realize just how
limiting a title can be.

one day it will happen


we'll share our last conversation
we'll laugh together one more time
we'll sit in a comfortable silence
we'll look to each other and smile

we'll get in one last fight
we'll say things we wish we never did
we'll storm away to be alone
we'll wait for the other to be the first to apologize

we'll cry to each other for the final time
we'll try to provide the support that we need
we'll hurt at the thought of each other in pain
we'll wish we could take it away

we'll look into each others eyes for the last time
we'll remember everything we've been through
we'll feel like it wasn't enough time
we'll hold on to each other forever


one day it will be the last

I used to think we’d end up together.
That day I kissed you
And you kissed me back.
When we were in the ocean
And you pulled me closer.
That night we held hands
And you smiled at me and I thought I saw forever.

I knew you had a girlfriend.
I knew you had been together for two years.
I knew you didn’t think we’d end up together.
I knew you didn’t see me that way.
I knew it was just for that week.

but you let me believe that we’d end up together.
i saw you with your girlfriend last week
and i felt my heart
fall from its place in my chest
onto the ground.
i forced a smile when i approached you
but i left as soon as i could
because i let myself fall for you.

i met another boy the other day.
he likes me and he’s cute and he’s sweet.
i kissed him like i kissed you that day.
the day when I thought we’d end up together.

it hurts
more than usual
when the one
who’s supposed to love you
unconditionally
tells you
their conditions

when he kissed me
the other night
the only thing i could think
was how much more
i wanted to be kissing you

isn't it weird
how you can be in a room
full of people
and feel utterly
and completely
alone

i can't describe how i feel
i'm not good at being vulnerable
i'm not good at being real

i think of myself as an act
saying only what's necessary
and knowing when to retract

i can't let my guard down
so you'll only see my character
and heavy is the head that wears the crown

but i need to protect me
i'm the only one who will
in this life, there is no "we"

so feel free to come watch my performance
just don't say i didn't warn you
when the curtain inevitably closes

what do i have to do
to be the one you want?
should i buy something new
and wear it just to flaunt?

should i write you a song
and sing it outside your door?
i'll sing it all night long
until i can sing no more.

should i buy you some food
from your favorite place?
will that put you in a good mood
and put a smile on your face?

should i take you out to dance?
we could dress up real nice.
i'll show you that romance
will come at no price.

should i just tell you
how i feel?
the thing i'm most afraid to do.
but i want you to know my feelings are real.

so please, just tell me
what i have to do
i promise, you will see
i'll do anything for you.

the feeling you get when
you wake up really early
and drive with you friends
to the water to watch
the sunrise
and even though you woke up
at 4:30 am
you are not tired
because at the moment
all is good

she's outgoing and loud
yet completely reserved
she draws people in
but won’t go near them
she’s intelligent and witty
yet stupid and frustrating
she is authentic and real
but incredibly insecure
she’s honest and tough
but she is also really sensitive.

she is everything she loves
but she’s also everything she hates.

you turned your poison
and treacherous thoughts
into a part of me
that i can’t get rid of.

i think it's pretty crazy, how
you can think about someone
for hours and the only word you can come up with is "wow"
because there are no words to describe them. absolutely none.
you know what i mean, you're thinking of them now.
they light up your world, even brighter than the sun.

it's even crazier that they may not even know
they have this effect on you.
they don't know that where ever you go
you think about them and everything they do.
you try to be discreet and keep it on the low,
but you hope maybe, just maybe, they're thinking of you too.

every time i try to fix something
i either make it worse
or create a different mess
i dont know if its me
or the world
but something isnt right

seeing you
makes everyday
the best day ever

I can’t believe
how stupid I’ve been.
Everyone told me
to stay clear and
that the only one
you cared about
was yourself.

I said I knew
they were all wrong,
it’s different with me.
But I was wrong.
They were all right.
You didn’t
and you don’t
care about anything
but yourself.