my email is full of weight loss programs
and diet pills
and purging tips
and suggested videos on how to be pretty.

I'm not sure if any of this is helping.

I don't know how not to be alone.

Tug at me
with your yellow teeth
stained by cigarettes and alcohol.

Assess me with dilated eyes.

Show me a gross kind of love,

the kind of love I'll understand.

She believes she is rare,
she's, one of a kind,
she believes she is special
and, she believes she's the greatest of her time.

She remembers long ago,
these fantasies raged strong.
No matter the trials she faced-
she'd, spread her wings long.

Her fiery eyes would look into theirs
and, claim her own name,
with ideas of future fame-
but,
they hunted her down.
Sharpened their swords
and readied their arrows,
someone like her simply couldn't be.

She thought she could handle anything,
that she was strong enough to stand alone,
so she spread her wings
and let the fire burn deep in her throat
knowing her scales would capture the bruises.

But they advanced,
intent on killing,
Swords raised high
and arrows raining down,
her fire wasn't as hot as she thought.
She ran,
as the arrows penetrated the scales.

Finally she had enough,
she turned and stood tall
leaving her heart exposed.
A cruel sword plunged forth,
deep inside her heart.
she fell to the ground
as they cheered.

She dragged herself away
and hid in a cave.

The Dragon inside her died that day.
She was left weak and fearful
and human.
No longer special
but terribly ordinary
and broken and alone,
too weak to pull the sword from her body.

She remained alive,
and would continue to do so,
hiding away in the lonely cave forevermore,
with a sword in her heart,
and a trail of Dragon's blood behind her.

It has been said
You can lead a horse to water
But you can't make him drink

I now understand that phrase
You can help all you want
Talk till you're blue

Simple truth is
People will do what
people will do

I GIVE UP!!!!

A small slip of the tongue,
A simple flick of the wrist,
Something innocent like a first kiss,
And everything we know comes crashing down.

One love.
One choice.
One mistake.
But this is the price for the risks we take.

We can't always see,
We don't always care,
And the only thing left is the pain we all share.
Sometimes we're broken and we don't know why,
But all we can do is try.

Find the beauty in it all.
The forgiveness of a friend,
The light in the dark,
And the beautiful memories on which, in the storm, you'll depend.

I want to scream "*******"
from the top of my lungs
of course, Darling, I don't mean it.
You're always my number one

It's just that these days,
I thought I was getting better,
it's just that this is crazy,
and I wish you'd never met her.

I wish I didn't leave you alone in that town
or that I could go back, knowing what I do now.

Lover can you hear me? I'm screaming your name,
though it's worn out across 50 or so states,
my throat is getting sore, and these smokes,
they don't help.

But they give me a sense
of the love that we felt.

They know about my problems,
Say that it doesn't matter.
Say that they love me an will never think otherwise.
They get close.
Closer and closer.
Then they say it,
Those ******* words.
"I love you."
Those words that can tame a barbarian.
The words that can calm the storming seas.
Words of trust, acceptance, care...
"The scars don't matter. They make you beautiful"
"I'll never hurt you."
Minutes, hours, days, weeks, months.
It doesn't take long to get sick of me.
That promise. Turns into a lie.
That love turns into hate.
Then I end up alone.
Then I take the cold blade to the skin.
The next day a nice person notices.
We start to talk.
I tell them my problems.
They help me through them.
They know all my problems.
*rinse, repeat.

Every now and then I catch myself thinking about her. She was the light of my life. And now she calls me bro and acts like nothing ever happened between us... It is the most painful thing I have experienced. I want to see her but I also don't. She betrayed my trust. But I forgave her instantly because I understood why she did it. I mean look at me, I'm just surprised she stayed with me as long as she did. I just don't want to lose her. That love, that happiness, that acceptance.... I just want her back.  But that's not going to happen now is it. Because I'm me and who wants to be with me. I hate myself. And I'm pretty sure everybody else hates me too. I'm afraid of everything. I guess that's why I'm alone now. People say I'm not alone. But I really am. I'm too afraid to go outside. At school I'm always thinking these kids are going to make fun of me. Stop looking at me. What is wrong with me. Don't touch me. Is there something on my face. Don't talk to me..  I just want to be left alone because I know that I'll just end up getting hurt again.  Whenever my friend is depressed, or thy are harming themselves. I always tell them to stop, to find another way. People try and do the same with me. I'm in the same situation. But I deny ever getting better. Because I know that happiness is a lie. Because I know that others can be. But I can never see myself being happy. Because in my life. It's just one...big..lie..