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  Nov 9 Richard Shepherd
Pax
I am never
the comedian,
But I am
the joke.
When I was growing-up, I was different, in a way i speak, walk or talk. Yet physically i was just a normal boy growing up knowing nothing on how the society works. I was confident to what i like and don't like, then been bullied  or humilated by doing it, because it was not the norms for a typical boy. Then I became fed up with it, that in my teenages years i learned to be alone and be alone, trying to fix something that didn't need fixing. Life goes on in my teenage year, still being bullied until in my collage years that i learned which to ignore and to which to defend. In result to all this i became a loner, choosing wisely when to socialize when needed to or else i rather be alone. That is why also i never care finding someone anymore, i find comfort in my own space.  Being Old alone is not such a bad thing anymore, we all go there in some point in time.

To conclude my personal journey, I guess being bullied physically or emotionally has/have a long time effect. It will scar you, but it will never defined you, you'll get strong as you understand the viewpoint in perspective, life gets better when you know how to live a good life.
What the birds overheard

From death to passwords

Migrated to tract housing

Became postage on a slow moving envelope

Somehow ended up as a flag on the moon
  Nov 9 Richard Shepherd
Jill
Standing wild-violet-timid in careful shoes, I collapse into Monday.

My internal weather is spiky with low-level nausea. Brain fog, mind-cloudy at first, with a high chance of precipitation across the afternoon. Externally, the settling cold front will bring morning squalls before a high-pressure system arrives in the early evening.

Difficult to know what shoes are needed  
for this day, this time,

let alone what armour, masks, and steel
with this climate, this energy...

Hard to predict what will be stored in memory
by this mind, this brain...

This questionable,
yet seldom questioned,
recording of events,
from my flawed perspective only...

Should I attempt to trust myself today?
The answer neither clear nor confident
Instant reflex shoulder shrug
With gaze-avoiding fizzy nerves
A patent hint that I may be
    a trifle less than competent

What lens will shape my history today?
And will it light me kindly or in glare?
When my parts construct the story
Hope they break it to me gently
But I know that my track record
    not-so-subtle hints beware
  
If my brain detects a glimpse of faults or glimmers of malfeasance,
it will use these torts to make the case that I deserve all grievance
from a host of inner parties with a wavering allegiance
the impedance to agreeance is a tendence to vehemence, so

How will I use the playback from today?
I could use it well in kindness or in pain
With the re-runs stealing airtime
From productive contemplation
I could use it as more proof that
    I should not have trust again…

Tomorrow, I will wear my security boots, with stronghold socks.
©2024
Have I ever?
would I ever?
depends of course
upon the weather
dark clouds swirl above

it's normally raining
somewhat draining
popping veins
increase with straining
there is no relief in sight

sun a rising?
moon a shining?
each meal is spent
in solitude whining
hunger never wanes

write a rhyme?
commit a crime?
no need for greed
I have served my time
yet the locks still turn

in like Flynn
the mighty Quinn
some rejoice
the colours of spring
I just.. fall

are you still reading?
my toes are kneading
***** defunct
I am done with breeding
oh, what a game

in need of change
to rearrange
every thought is irrational
every thought is strange
press delete then pause

they fooled me, psych
these hills I hike
place my head
upon a spike
the soul will never fade away

automatic writing
thoughts reciting
chattering teeth
pressure biting
blood trickles from my eyes

running low on gas
oh well, alas
invitation to hell?
I'll take a pass
self medication awaits
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