Trust me when i say,
I never thought I'd admire you.
Silently sitting there
Waiting to catch that sparkle in your eyes.
Your smile; so perfect, so white.
I'm at a lost when you're in my head.

We talked and laughed together.
Talked about relationships and school.
Maybe it was the way you looked at me,
or the fact that you even looked at me
But I wanted more from you,
More than the school hallways.

I still have your notes,
That we passed in Math class.
Do you remember them?
I remember how flattering it was
To watch you beg for homework answers.
I gave them all to you,
expecting a little something in return.
I gave you everything, you gave me nothing.

I truly loved our flirtationship
That is what I liked to call it at least
You gave me butterflies and I developed a crush
You had everything you ever wanted
Even a pawn like me.

Its been years now,
And it still hurts; rejection.
But I have one more note to pass
I'm no longer the girl admiring you from afar
I'm the beautiful woman...you lost
But, don't mind me
I'm just writing you away.

The empty space in my bed
constantly reminds me that I’m alone.
The walls around this house
no longer feel quite like a home.
I’m blocking out the memories
of you within my head.
I’m staring at the ceiling instead
of books I should have read.
There’s a hole inside my heart and
self-destruction in my brain.
These voices in my mind are
slowly driving me insane.
I can’t remember when
I smiled the last time.
I’m drowning all my sorrows
in *****, gin, and wine.
I’m calling out for help, but
not a soul can hear my voice.
I’m tired of people telling me
that happiness is a choice.
I’m waiting for something to happen
just so they know how I feel.
I’m so **** isolated that
this loneliness seems unreal.