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My pride will never let me tell you, but I miss you so much.
You were my first real friend, my first real love..
The ocean blue that tainted your eyes,
it won't let me hear your muffled cries tonight..
I know you miss me too, i feel it sometimes..
The sharks and their large teeth didn't want us to swim by...
I do miss you, but what good would missing do...
for me, I just can't get over you...
I gave a woman my heart
Which she shattered
Broken apart
By the one who really mattered

Broke my heart in a minute
Minute were my feelings ...
So perfectly we fitted
Till the fit was ruined

You said you were sorry
Fed me a sob story
I forgave you  but still worry
That my actions were folly

But you make me so happy
Happy from within
You make it all better
Better from a soul so bitter

I hate you truly
For what you have made me
Bt i love you fully
For what you gave me

I am insecure
In a panic
Of you i can't be sure
I am frantic

But whenever you hold me
And tell me not to worry
I forget...The pain and tears
become a distant story

I am leaving soon
Going far far away
But i know that every day
No matter what you say

I will be scared
Scared of what u might do
Do to my soul before it is repaired
Yet i pray it will be spared

I trust and hope you do whats right
But i live in fear
Fear that you might
Hurt me again

But when you hold me
It all goes away
So love just hold me
And that's how we will stay
To you

Hey stranger,how are you
I know this is strange
But i didn't know what else to do
I wanted to say hi
And see how you were doing

Its been so long since we talked
Talked about anything really
But i wanted you to know i miss you
I know its silly

I miss your smile
And your warm embrace
Its been a while
Since you graced me with your face

I write to tell you of the depth
Of my heart
Of the love i tried to hide
But lacked the stealth

What i feel for you is real
No one can understand
Unless they feel what I feel
Unless they feel the love in your ur hand

I know you don't share my desire
It hurts deeply
Because when i think of you i fuel a fire
A fire i can't extinguish

I felt us in those blueberry muffins
The depth and solidity
In me
With your joyful serenity

The cheesecake was all you
So soft and creamy
Yet with strength and balance
A trick only you can do

I don't expect you to love
Me overnight
Even though i have gone above
And beyond with all my might

I am content
With your happiness
Like the current
I will always help you along

Thats why i write you this letter
A sad song
To find you well
In your heart i wish to belong

So be happy and full of love
And when in doubt just send a dove
For i will be with you when in need
No matter how deep the pain leads

From me
I don't want to be a bother
Thats why no matter who asks
The answer is nothing other
Than I am fine

I am fine
As i smile
I am ok
Just leave me a while

Dont worry about me
I am good
I just don't want you to really see
I am not

I hate myself
Some say its madness
Or an urge for attention
Guess my feelings aren't worth mention

I am worthless
I am ugly
My thoughts are thoughtless
Stupid me

No one knows
I cry myself to sleep sometimes
No one knows
Its because i wanna die sometimes

People say i am selfish
For being depressed
That is is foolish
To be hurt when i am fed and dressed

But what is the use
When all i feel is pain
Why smile for a full stomach
With an empty soul

I live for others
I love for them
But no one really bothers
To look within

I love deeply out of desperation
I live off acceptance
I give my all with no hesitation
No matter how hurt i get
I stay for companionship
For i am afraid of the realisation
That no one wants me

I don't know if its daddy issues
Or i got it from my mama
Or i am just ****** up
And filled with drama

I am not handsome
Or insanely smart
I am a lil witty
But thats all i got

I make jokes and smile wide
I give so much
And try to hide
I am dying inside

I get taken advantage of because i can't hurt people
But when it comes to me
I inflict hurt with no equal
Sadly degradation is my sequel

I know i shouldn't be so sad
Bt the depression is so bad
I wanna **** it
But it lives in me

I would have ended it a long time ago
Bt i have people depending on me
So i have a lot to do before I go
Its not because i don't love them
I hope they know
Its because i don't love me
Its sad i know .

I love ***
For through it i forget
In that moment i am loved
A feeling nothing can upset

I know i should talk about it
But who will listen
To how my father hates me
Who will take the time to really listen

Who will hold me
When my sister resents me
Who will really see
How i just want to be free

From the sadness
Sadness filling my soul
Happiness is the goal
Yet Impossible because i am a mess

I don't want to be a bother
That's why no matter who asks
The answer is nothing other
Than I am fine

Trust me
I am fine
  Mar 2016 Reddington Silver Jr
Moarabi
I am tired, really tired...
I am tired of my talents not being recognized
I am tired of constantly proving myself
I am tired of being disabled

I am so tired...
Tired of not belonging
Tired of being invisible
Tired of being worthless

I am very, very tired...
I am tired of exchanging fake smiles
I am tired of meaningless conversations
I am tired of appearing dumb so as to get help

I am just tired...
Tired of being useless
Tired of failing
Tired of not dreaming

I am extremely tired...
I am tired of being apologetic
I am tired of being left out
I am tired of being ugly

What I am I saying?
What am I really tired of?
Why am I tired?

I am tired...
Tired of being speechless
Tired of being powerless
Tired of being afraid

In fact, I am broken down...
Broken down by being black
Broken down by being African
Broken down by being primitive
Thank you for coming
And watching the show
I thought you were staying
But I guess you have to go

Thank you for coming
And playing a part
Your contributions
Helped my heart

Thank you for coming
And caring for a while
When I thought it would fall apart
You made me smile

Thank you for coming
And helping me up
I didn't see us stopping
But here we are now

Thank you for coming
And sharing my glory
But I guess you won't stay
For the rest of the story

Thank you for coming
And holding my hand
And being a friend
Guess a time comes for farewells

Thank you for coming
It was nice knowing you
And talking too
Just keep doing what you do

Thank you for coming
And watching the show
I thought you were staying
But I guess you have to go
Let me tell you a secret
Try not to blush
I don't want people to notice
That you are my crush

Let me tell you a secret
Of dreams of the moonlight
Me in your arms
And your lips at my sight

Let me tell you a secret
Of long walks on the beach
Of kissing in the rain
Or at least trying to teach

Let me tell you a secret
And tell me if its ok
That I dream of kissing you
Everyday

Let me tell you a secret
Of a physique carved with precision
A heart filled with passion
And a mind filled with determination

Let tell you a secret
And don't be alarmed
The desire I have for you
Is as if I am charmed

Let me tell you a secret
And please be discrete
For secrets of feeling
Are ones to keep

Let me tell you a secret
One you might have guessed
Feelings for you
And wishes for the best

Let me tell you a secret
Try not to blush
I don't want people to notice
That you are my crush
she will never see it, too bad
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