The silent drives with music and wind in my ears remind me of all the places that I've been without you.
That time in the mountains of Idaho, walking hand in hand with a boy whose name escapes even my most concentrated memory.
He was too shy to make a move but when I said he could kiss me if he didn't try to **** me he was all too eager to roll around in the needles on the forest floor.
That green holiday filled with fools gold and cheap beer when I was bored and found myself on the side of that ****** house pushing her into the panels with my kiss, wrapping my hands around her waist, venturing beneath her shirt.
The hot Florida sun beating the white powder of my skin until it turned bronze, and when my neighbor eyed me suggestively I remember closing my eyes and thinking of him alone in my bed that night.
Home in the midnight hours, running across Broadway, doubling over with laughter as we found Chaos and entertained her until we made it home to sleep on the hardwood floor of my unfurnished apartment.
Sitting alone in the shade above the waterfall, surrounded by the trees dancing with one another to the beat of the trains loud roar. I wrote my first hatred of you there.
The first and only kiss with a stranger who stumbled into me that night at the bar while I was bent over in my red dress shooting pool.
The tiny sparkle in his silly blue eyes and grin of a child made me laugh, and we still imagine what would happen if we were ever in the same part of the country again.
But we're still on this silent drive surrounded by the Cascades and my hair is blowing in my face. I see a smile grace your lips and I wonder if it will be like this forever, or maybe I'll find myself untied again, holding freedom by the reigns.

The stories I live
All seem to end with a giant yellow sign
With bold black letters screaming "DEAD END"
DEAD END.
Dead End.
dead end.
I'm elbow deep in dust and bones of friends and lovers
Who've left me alone
It's so ****** up that she doesn't seem to care.
In my weakest moments
I place my hand on my heart.
And even though I feel it beating,
My head tells me it's falling apart.

Leave no trace.
Words I'll never forget
Spending my time raising babies that are
Not my own
I remember the words of my mother
Leave no trace
I keep hearing it
As I pick up endless piles of dolls
And legos
In someone else's home
Leave no trace

Leave no trace
The repetition of those words never ceases in my head
Trying to unwind myself from
This entanglement of what used to be love
Leave no trace
Memories I have to bury
deep enough to forget the surprise  
She found the loophole in the game of love
And I found my own way out
Leave no trace

We tried to get drunk tonight but when you're both new in town and only have a half empty flask of whisky,
and identification that illustrates your lack in years, there's not much you can do to remedy the problem.
We sat across from each other on the floor, each with our 3/4 shots of Makers.
I stared at her, silhouetted against the dimly lit hallway and I started to think on the reason I wanted to get drunk and forget
about how we ended up here in a ****** apartment with a broken heart.
Our misguided senses of adventure has led my shadow and I around for most of our lives, but lately we've been stuck and it's so dark I can barely see her anymore.
We get in fights about why we're out here all alone, and whose fault it was that our heart was broken.
Last night I woke my shadow up from her sleep- I had a dream about you, back when we first fell in love.
I woke up looking next to me for the gold in your eyes, but after a moment I realized that I was still alone.
My shadow tried to comfort me, telling me that you only left me because you're young and reckless. Too uncertain, too afraid.
After all that time, I should have learned about you, how you would love me until you found someone else to love and who you thought would love you.
I drove away that night wondering why I ever gave you time in the first place.
My shadow was fading next to me in the car as midnight was breaking, telling me it was late and we should be home by now.
Ignoring her, I pressed harder on the gas and made that last turn out of your life, and before I knew it we were so far west we couldn't drive anymore.
Our glasses clink together as we nod our heads to each other in understanding.
I quickly swallow both the shots and turn out the light.
My shadow has left me now too, but she always finds me again in the morning light.

the light shone down through the dark
unmasking my body from its camouflage
it left me standing there naked,
disposed to eyes that passed over with
curiosity and judgement
they stared at my vulnerability
completely seeing all that I am
and everything I am not
the light shone down through the dark
showing each imperfection
with such clarity
even my shadow left my side

They never fail to get the better of me
They are trained to put up walls and follow rules
Put on rings and keep their vows
Too wild for their own understanding
I can see what they need and I can see The Fear that keeps them standing still

I have The Fear too
But I force myself to see the future and to manipulate it into adventure

When I whisk away my Capricorn she willingly comes along
Only the daylight can turn her wild abandon and free spirit back into the caged bird

Still, in the night she is mine
And by the shadows flickering across her face from the poorly lit street lamps
I see her gypsy eyes begin to glow with life again