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 Jan 2016 Rayna Perry
Shruti Atri
There is a sleep
That beckons to me:
Takes hold of my soul.

There is an ache
That deepens the wound:
Tears open a hole in my heart.

There is a mask
That stays on my tongue;
My self
And in my eyes,
So they know I haven't fallen apart,
*Just yet...
It's costing me all I got to give
Just to dig myself out of this hole
I can't figure out why I was meant to live
Or how I can make myself feel whole

I can't afford to deal with this pain
That's been going on for so long
Even sheltered from the rain
I find a way to do something wrong

It's a struggle just to get out of bed
And go on living a life so empty
I can't erase these thoughts from my head
You can't understand what they do to me
you are inches
measured by miles away
bulldozing oriental food
you don't intend on eating
around your plate
and i am imagining
the translation of asking
for a broom in a foreign language
for when you shatter over small talk
or the first sentence to start with "so"
breaks you into shaking
that i can feel from across the table
and i am thinking now
about tectonics and how you must be daydreaming of being submerged in a book
back home or gripping tightly
to bedsheets begging for familiar warmth
i can tell by the way you are looking at me
that you are feigning our salutation embrace
seconds drowned in ankle deep water and i wonder if you see my hands
as jackhammers and if the reason
why you hug so hard
but only for a moment
is to be as sharp as possible
so that i do not smell your perfume
or notice that you aren't wearing any and why
there are few suprises
in the safe you claim is a mouth
where shades of plush pink
hide a sickly pallor
and i continue to look over
brick & mortar borders
and think how maybe
she is thinking of kissing
but certainly not me
not these apologies nailed to my face
i give myself a moment
of benefitted doubt that you sometimes
picture your frame under mine
and if your clavicles would crack
if i were to touch them
i am sorry that i am a victim of imagination
but i swear i chalk it up
as the forgotten feeling
for when you look up
and the person you are looking
at is gazing directly at you
you have painted yourself
as a mosaic in my mind
as a mess of dust & incoherent words
that all sound like please in my ears
but that doesn't explain why
my hands are the ones that are shaking
when i imagine you
imagining me
in the spaces of yourself
where you've forgotten
you could put someone
You can wait for life.
However,
I guarantee you that you will find no trace of it.
It will leave you behind in an instant.
Life waits for no beat-
Whether it be faint or piercing

so I advice you to stop watching sand fall and unleash the you that I have so vividly admired since the first unspoken second you stole my eyes from me.

You are passion and fire-
Stewing in suppressed beauty

It's about time you shower this world in your words

(C)  Tiffanie Noel Doro

— The End —