Sometimes my mind runs,
so my feet walk.
My brain is an unsorted file,
and my body is a disconnected server.
There are moments in life where I am so in love with it all that I cry.
Moments when I am so upset, I laugh.
I can not fully understand the loops that my mind takes
over and over.
But I still ride along them.
When I was younger, I use to be so scared of the mess in my brain.
But the truth is,
I am full of clutter.
I am the home of loved objects that is messy,
and lived in.
I am a cloud of multiple thoughts
that lead me to sing at the wrong times.
Love harder than I should.
Feel every emotion at once.
We are all cluttered boxes.
I promise you,
you are messy
but full of love.
And I promise you,
we will all be pulled
from the attic
and taken
back home.

It is the way my traditional head cloth covers my head artistically.
Giving me a sense of a gracefully hand made Crown.
Passed on from generation to generation by
My ancestors from all corners of Africa.

It is the way my hands flatter when I narrate a story.
Giving me a sense of articulation.
Pride, dances through my veins.

It is the way my body moves to rhythm from hip to hip.
Shoulders momentarily shaking to the sound of unique beads woven Shekere.
Legs aggressively moving to the talking drum.

It is the way  I speak to my elders with respect.
Knees on the floor when taking or giving them something.
Sweep the compound when asked to.
Adherence of instructions turn to turn.

Heritage moves with me in one accord.

my knees
swell. my kidneys
fail. i used to
brush my
hair find
tangles, now i just
let them
break. i let them
break
if only my father
is here he will say
no. he won't say
anything i
can imagine. i can't
be
i can't
be.
i don't know how to
talk. the
ability has left
my vocal fold, it has
gone to somewhere better
not here. it has gone
to the place
it's recognized where
it's heard
not here.
not here. my knees
swell i am oversized
in a small present
box for
pranks. pranks. pranks.
i get bored
bored bored boring.

Ashes to dust
You fade like the memory
Of us being happy together

I hate myself
I chased you away
Hurt you in the process
Hurt me in the aftermath

Did someone finally tell you
You shine brightest by yourself?

words hurt like teeth clenched around an open wound
unbearable agony
scarred forever like the cigarette burn you made yourself
on accident
small price to pay for a forever stay

Allow me to be selfish. The fish that swims in your hearts. Treading the untouched water. Reaching towards your heart's desires. Slowly, causing you to falter.

Allow me to be selfish. Hoping that the girl I hate would trip and fall. Praying that the boy I used to love breaks up with her. Once, and for all. I bet that would be a ball.

Allow me to be selfish. As I sip on this cup of tea. Watching the world crumble right before me. Without me. Wouldn't that be... Lovely?