warm wood floors
worn smooth from years of work boots and light-up sneakers
the sun shines through the kitchen window
if I squint I can almost see my younger self sitting at the counter
trying on her high school graduation cap for the first time
In this moment I feel both older and younger than I ever have before
I close the door to my childhood bedroom for the last time,
and the ache in my chest pulses
but I know it will fade
the pictures are gone from the walls
but the memories remain
the love remains
most of it will follow to our new home
but some will remain here a while longer,
warming the space and recalling the lives it once held

they ask
"how do you love what you cannot touch?"
I lift my glass palms to the furnace-fire sky
feel the sweet ache in my wrists and knees
each cell in my body is a note
together, they make a song
a symphony in progress
the Lord said,
"let there be light,
let there be dancing shoes,
let there be romantic sonnets,
let there be sweet potatoes,
let there be laughter"
and behold,
is it not beautiful?

the moonlight makes her naked shoulder blades
look more like angel wings
her hipbones become hollows where fairies rest
in the right kind of dark,
she teaches me the secrets of her bones
the first step toward flying is always the fall
I take the risk of crashing into the rough land
so that I may kiss the clouds
I brush my fingertips across skin that once seemed unreachable
I shed my red agonies for her clear songs
she shows me how to recognize the beauty I carry in my blood
stroke by stroke

we breathe warm July air into our lungs
the breeze passing gently past strawberry-stained lips
we chase fireflies through the woods,
hands outstretched, reaching, reaching
our laughter is golden-sweet
we love like dandelions in bloom,
fleeting and fading
we stain our sheets with the mud of summer rain
or the blood of skinned knees
we wake in the dark to whisper secrets to the moon
we are so young and yet we are growing
one day we will grow large enough to shed this childish skin
but until then we will jump and yell like the wild things we are
singing a song of freedom and youth

The purple sweater hangs in the closet,
In the back where painful memories hide.
Its fabric still soft,
Her scent still barely there.
But its sleeves remain empty,
Without hope of animation.
An artifact of a time gone by

If you hold your breath,
You can almost hear her laughter.
If you squint,
You can almost see her smile.
But only for a second

You slip it over your shoulders
And breathe through the sharp pain in your chest
It feels like breaking,
But it feels like healing too.
It always hurts,
But so do most things worth remembering.

I think the saddest part is that a part of me still wants to forgive you

A part of me is still carrying a torch for the man you once were

The man you could be again

But you and I both know how you feel about change

You and I both know how you feel about me

You say that you love me

The words drip from your mouth like honey

Sticky sweet and sickening

This is not love

And it hasn't been for quite some time

This is obsession, this is infatuation, this is lust

You don't miss me, you miss how willing I was to take off my clothes

To open myself up to you, bare my body and soul to you

Primal and disgusting and everything you wanted

You miss my passivity

My fear of the word "no"

My fear of disappointing you

You tell me I've changed

You don't recognize that you are the one who changed me

You set this house of my heart ablaze and I have risen from the ashes

I am no longer what I once was, not anymore

Today

I am somewhere deep within my mind

Curled up tighter than the grip of your hand around my neck

I am trying to forget

But the memories are vivid like blood on crisp white sheets

I close my eyes

But you wait behind my eyelids

I scream at you to go until my voice is hoarse

But you remain

Smiling

I begged you not to lie to me

But that's all you did

I used to ache for you

Our desire so hot  

Just a glimpse could ignite the dry pine forests around us

Now the thought of you is like ice forming around my bones

You make me sick and I can no longer stand the sight of you

Please

Leave me alone