how are you?
  the constant question i'm assailed with

how are you?
  the only answer i've come up with:
      horrible
      awful
      heart & soul broken
      viciously violently depressed
      worst i've ever been
      & worse every day
      hate my self
      hate my life
      wish i was dead

my inner self
  is begging to be someone else
it's not the first time
  just the worst time

becuz she wasn't first love
  just first LOVE

the thing is
  as much as i wanted a billion years of youth together
many millions of much's more
  what i wanted was our forever together
and at 85 You would have made me feel just as alive
  and still nervous & excited
and been beautiful
and twirled whirled my soul

**** You didn't want me
  even one more day
so You nicely crumpled me
  and threw me away

it turns out forever
  is 7 months
then it's a lot of never
  for the rest of my months

and the violence of awakening
  (a demon thirst with no slaking)
will be ripping ragged holes in my soul
  far more than 7 months after me heart was torn apart

so how am i?
  me, whose every day begins and ends
    with a sobbing cry

i am hopeful
        hope full
or actually i'm me,
  its absolute opposite....

(please stop asking)