The feeling of dread in my chest.
The panic in my heart.
The swirling thoughts in my head.
The tunnel vision focus.
I made a fool of myself again yesterday, and the morning is full of regret.
I want to react, but I know that to react is to make it worse.
I want to fix it. But behaviors cannot be undone.
I want to climb into the hole I just dug, and ignore the world now.
I want to stop thinking that my life holds so much importance. That my actions make such a difference. I want to stop worrying so much about if people like me, or what people think of me. I want to remember that the world always has abundant opportunities for growth, love, and friendship. That to be uncomfortable now, is simply a period of reflection about who I am, and who I want to be. To be scared of myself, is like fearing my own shadow, it's not living.
So I pick up my bleeding heart, my heavy head, and my swollen conciousness, and I take a shower, and start a new day.
I wrote this the day after asking a friend for her date's number.