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Puspanjali Sahu Jun 2016
I knew
your body will tremble
little
may be more than little
but I was sure
you will never crumble  

Thats why
I tried to hold you tight
more than tight
I knew
I made crossing me hard for you
which in your imagination
was light  

But believe me
I was not trying to  make you suffer
For me
it was not a pleasure

I was trying hard
to measure
each part of your body
your height, your width
Strength of your mind
and softness of your heart
Depth of your eyes
and sharpness of your nails
even
curvature of your curls  

Because,
if someday
you will walk back
into the past
searching for yourself
  
On that day
I want you to see me  
standing on that road
carrying reflection of your true,
weak yet strong self
on my soul
Everyone thinks why struggle come in life....and why only in their life
But struggle made you realize who you are...how much strong you are to handle difficult situations
If a cycle crosses only plain roads, it will never know how its tires looks like....but if cross a muddy road..may be it has to go through difficulties...but at least it will know ...how its tires look like
So feel your struggle
Puspanjali Sahu Jun 2016
I saw a little girl
come near to her window
and see the raindrops falling
so intensely
as if
with the rain drops
her feeling are slipping away  

Each time
I think
this time
surely this time
she will  open the doors
and come out
will lift her arms
into the sky
and made her inhibitions
fall down    

This time
surely this time
she will strip out
her feelings
forget
all those things
you termed
as regrets  
and let her soul
lie down    

This time
surely this time
she will open her mind
close her eyes
will keep her senses unfold
but will not try to hold  
Rather will allow
each drop of rain
glide through her veins    

But  this time
this time also
hesitations grips her feet
and she tried to touch
warmth of dripping raindrops
from the other side of the window
with her fingertips    

I looked into her eyes
and felt
if I look little longer
she will cry
I wonder why?    

One sunny afternoon
when she was out
with her rosy pink smirk
and obligatory look  
I asked her
what keeps her live in secret pain
Does not she love rain?  

With fluttering voice
she replied
Yes  
I
I also
love rain
But I could love rain
only from my windows side
because I love my rain boots
more than I love rain  

And  I afraid
If I walk in rain
rain will distilled my vein
but my rain boot
will be filled with pain  

I wish
I could hold her hands tight
and give her  
all my strength
to fight
heavy prohibitions
unconstrained dedication
and painful oppositions
that will come on her way
which she thinks
will be like sunny days
warm and bright    

I wish I could say
on her face
rain can and will cover suddenly
a sunny bright dry sky  
and  
on that day
your rain filled boot
will not walk with you

So,
don’t try hard
to drag them
with your emotions
Don’t let your feelings
sink helplessly
in the sea of depression  

Rather put your rain boots off
Let your naked feet feel
the coldness of the refreshing  flowing water of rain  

and
start loving your rain like life  
again
Few people try hold their past incidents, feeling/relations forcefully in spite of knowing they can not make everything work. This poem is to tell all of you
Don't made your present suffer holding your past tigh
Puspanjali Sahu Jun 2016
An old man
An old rich man
An old rich lonely man
with his
big belly
half curly, well maintained  
but anomic white hairs
and long grey beard
walks on the busy yet lonely
street of  
New York
every evening
aimlessly
hopelessly and  
creating a kind of roughness
inside his heart,  on his face
and in the atmosphere  
unknowingly  


A little girl
with her favourite balloons
In her little tiny hands
and smile of satisfaction
in her eyes
walks on the same road
every evening
Greets every moving and non-moving objects
come on her way
with the most soft brisk  
‘’Hi’’
With a hope that
before the night turns too dark
Her colourful balloons
someone will buy  

But a wandering silence
covers her face
when she meets the old man
The old rich lonely man  


Sometimes, once in a while
a feeling, a wish
also breaks the walls
made of desolation and devastation
and enters into the closed heart of  
the man
the old rich lonely man
that
If he had a daughter
his life would have colours
just like the balloons

His dreams would have a purpose
and
his breaths would have a cause  


One day
the man
the old rich lonely man
tried hard  
gathered all his courage
and smiled at the little girl  

The girl’s smile
take a pause
But the very next moment
she jumped into the hands of
the man
and said
I was thinking
I know you
I saw you  somewhere
Now I got
You are  
The same Santa Claus
My Santa Claus    
Who came last year
and brought me
a pink frock
that I love to wear

And
after that
I never saw
the old man
the old rich but may not be lonely man
walking on the street of New York
searching for a cause
A big belly, grey beard does not make you Santa Claus..You need to have a wide smile, open heart to give and receive happiness
I saw many couples praying with teary eyes for a child to love
and saw many children praying hard to get parents to be loved and wonder what restricts us to open our hands and accept them
Is your DNA need to be matched to love someone?
Puspanjali Sahu Jun 2016
Remember those days
Remember those moments
Sometimes with love
Sometimes with fake anger
Sometimes with a expression of begging
and sometimes with an attitude of praying

You asked me
to learn
to make rotis
round roties
round like the earth or may be like the universe  

Dear Maa,
each time  
I avoided your words
Neglected your quests
Ignored your feelings
Shattered your expectations  
I thought I was crossing your imagination
that somewhere prisoned
with relations  

I thought  Roties can be made easily
They are combination of flour and water
I only need to be right about proportion  

But why didn’t you tell me
Round roties require much more than my prediction
They need balanced emotions
Heartfelt validation
Justified devotion
to each and every relation  
Now  
As I started
wearing  your age,
it comes to my realization
round rotis  
may take everything you earned
your sleep, your dream  your successful imagination,
even little strength left in your bones  

But
what they return
is
a smiling satisfaction
When your mother  teaches you little things, may be preparing a meal, she inserts confidence, creativity inside you. When she made you to prepare meals for others she enriches you with feeling. you learned to love. When you allow yourself to serve a meal to your family members or friends you learned to care.  
And when you received all these feeling as your inheritance I doubt  Is there anything in this world that can irritate you…work load, failure in achieving professional goals, politics in your work place. Is there really anything?
I wish I should have learned make a rotis.

n.b. Maa is the hindi term to address mother. Roti is a indian food and used as a symbol for each small things you learn at home
Puspanjali Sahu May 2016
It was and is
not easy for me
I beg don’t make it harder  

You will not understand
and I can’t make you to feel  
how it feels
when your body can’t hold your heart

How it feels
when you know in your veins
what you feel
but barricade between your body and mind
will not let you
feel your feelings  

How it feels
when the world address you  
Dude
and you afraid
the girl  you are trying hard
to coffined in your heart
will show up  

I wish I could show you
my pain filled abortive trials
to push hard  
even the tiniest bulging meat on my body
deep inside into my skeleton  

I wish I could show you
Pain of pretension
  
Pretension of walking straight
Pretension of speaking loud
Pretension of being brave
at the time of drooping in fear
that you will be identified
and termed as a queer  

I wish I could make you realize
helplessness of being a public secret
anguish of dying out of respect
and living in agony
because your body  
is not answerable to anatomy  

When you all wanna prove your identity
I am begging you
please let mine go

because
my identity
can not be identified
by the tiny part between my legs  
Please tell me  
how long I need to beg  

to find the place
where my body will not be dissected
to discover
my hearts gender
  
Please tell me
how long......?
Is life is all about define our gender ? Is to so necessary to belong to a particular sexuality-either men or women. Why we can't  think beyond this to give ourself and others, whom we define as transgenders a better life ?
Before asking someone
are u gay, a lesbian or a transgender
just ask what a person want to do with his life
or what just what he loves to eat ?
which game he loves to play
etc...etc....
Please realize sometimes our words, our expression affects others deeply. After all we all are part of the picture pale blue dot
Puspanjali Sahu May 2016
Unremitting tears in dry eyes
and halted flow of blood in nerves
What lies just behind my pectus
is a heart
or a muscle
filled with
igneous unwanted emotions  

Let’s just hold our breathe
for a moment
and see
moments of eternal attachments
are becoming breathless
with our detest  

Is it really necessary
to search answers for all the unsolved questions
and find reasons for all the incidents/accidents
and bruise
equanimity of sun soaked day
calm attraction of loneliness

Is it really necessary
to drag
all dead souls from their graves
and **** them again  

I know
restricted sensations are
hitting  my heart
to be expressed
to be showed
to be felt and filled  

But is it really necessary
to plead for the need
to rest and cry over your chest
to face the silence
that will come after your departure  

Silence has its own words
Darkness has its own color
How does it matter
whether all the squatters
know this or not  

Its enough for me
If I could let you know
I and mightiness of my feeling
started with you  
and will end with you
Busy life     busy days     busy nights
What we gain in between is little time that used to get wasted with unnecessary expression of anger, hate and unsatisfaction for what we expected to get and could not get
and what we thought to say....remain unexpressed

(A dedication to great romantic poet  Pablo Neruda. Initially I thought why most of the poets write about love but his poems made me realize you don't need to write about a lot of things/problems if you made yourself feel the universe and you know how it is created
attraction...science also says this)
Puspanjali Sahu May 2016
You told me
not to take the red road
It still carries
stain of blood of Jesus  

But I took the road
Helplessness of billion eyes
is still there
with marks of blood
on their soul    

Asked the road
Is there anything
I could do
to erase these marks?  
With disabled hope
and grief stricken trust
the road replied  

If possible
please go  
and bring little hope
filled with love  

Because
colour of blood
cannot be washed
with any other colour
except colour of rose    

You told me not to take the blue road
Dead bodies of the unfaithful fate
the Trojan horse left
is still there  

But I took the road

Screaming of the choked throats  
is still in the air
Spring seems poisoned
with dark blue marks  

Asked the road
Is there anything
I could do
to erase these marks?  

The road replied
If possible bring little blueness
from the sun-licked sky
Because broken faith
can be weaved only and with only
threads of hearts
those are made to rely        

So I am running  here and there
with dying breath
to find the place
where once  
the deep blue sky shadowed me
from cruel sunrays
And I walked miles and miles
without slightest pain
on my feet
because what covered the road
was petals of rose
bright and soft  

Whether anyone can tell me
Where I should go
to find the place?
Because here
sky is tore
and earth is cracked  

Now I am standing
lonely
silently
helplessly
but cannot leave my little hope  
because somewhere lies the feeling
If I dig
deep inside your heart
I will find
what is lost and
what needed for me  


Lots of faith
and  little love
  
Again
(Same colour can arise different feelings….it depends what we want to see…red rose or blood,,,..It completely depend on us how we behave   If something happened that breaks us down we left with three options …..blame, complain and hurt the one whom we think responsible for (he/she may not be) ……move and find a safe shelter and live with only the feeling of living ……face the situation and do what you could do so that nobody has to feel the same pain that you went through   Choice is yours….a riot against a riot…a war against a war…or a peaceful lovely world)
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