summer is hereeee
and i’m 19,
in a world that expects me to have it all figured out before 21
career lined up,
relationship stable,
collecting degrees and dreams like trophies.

the wind blows my hair behind me
and in my head, voices whisper:
“rest. dream. restart.”
i want to be different.
to do it differently.
to try again.

and sometimes,
i love it here
the sun, the wind,
the green turning slowly brown,
sunsets that make me pause,
ice cream dates and unexpected hugs,
the way a random touch can soften the day,
crushes that come with 1 a.m. questions,
being young.

but then
there’s the chase for perfection:
perfect grades, perfect skin,
perfect body, perfect boyfriend, perfect friend.
and suddenly i stop and wonder:
who am i doing this for?
me?
or people who don’t even care
who judge me for five minutes
then move on to the next?

i love people.
but people stress the hell out of me.

so here i am,
trying to adapt,
holding on to the uncertain,
even when nothing guarantees it’ll go right.
still, i wanna try.
i wanna believe it’ll be okay.
that one day, i’ll make it
and look back like
“yeah, that mess? it made sense.”

but until then
let’s laugh when we can,
hug people a little longer,
tell them we care.
let’s enjoy the last month of summer.
exercise. dress up.
pray. read.
live.

'cause life won’t ever be fully figured out.
and maybe that’s the point.

Two words—clean cut,
Sharp like truth,
Simple as spit,
Understood in every pit
And palace.
Money talks.

******* hell
So do my prayers.
Two words,
No frills,
Just fire and air,
Shot through ceilings,
Blown through cracks,
No echo back.

Money talks,
But prayers?
They whisper to walls.
They dance in smoke.
They choke.

Yahoo to my prayers
Sent to the stars,
To the sky that shrugs,
To heaven
Where silence
Claps in all languages.

When your out having your parties
and your having too much of a good time.
Do you ever start to feel sentimental?
Do I ever plague your sweet mind?

Go ahead and look at the empty chair by your table. One second ago, I was there too.
Now that I’m married you seem to think
that I lost all memories of us…
Please remember I once meant something to you too.

The future we saw in the past
Replays in a battle I thought I'd won
It was better then: smiles at first
And she's smiling still - as if we are one!

Every few months
She disappears
She hides
Invisible
As if a ghost or spirit
She’s not part of anything
She’s something else
Unnoticed
Comes from a different world
A different place

She melds into surroundings
Becoming very quiet
Keeping to herself
No one pays attention
It’s better that way
More comfortable
She watches from afar