Because the view in the dark is full of noise that never ends, that distracts me from all my untied odds and ends. And the view at the top is so full of peace. Too quiet. And the thoughts from the dark fight to break free.
And in the dark it's blinding.  I imagine one day I'll grow to be deaf, from the silent screams I hear endlessly. Maybe in some way the darkness will save me. I know it's irrational but really, jumping right into the water is the quickest way to forget that it's freezing.