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Aug 2014
You are my wind
You are my sun
The blood in my veins
The bones to make me stand

I've been drowning
And i thought you were my life raft
I thought you were my island
My safe place to escape

But turning away from the water
Won't make it go away
Running from the sea
Won't make it less deep

I've grown so used to finding my boat
So used to hiding from the tide
I panicked when it wasn't there
Has my boat sailed away?
The panic gave me a cramp
Tied weights to me
And I began to sink faster

How could my boat do this?
How could it sail away?
But the more I missed my boat
The more I needed it to stay

But not as safety
Not as refuge
But a love to share
And laugh and grow

I still need my boat
But not like I did before
No more hiding
No more dry land
I need to swim

Because boats are fun
And great for days
But the sea is a beast
That no boat can match

No she doesn't care that I'm a mermaid
Who fell in love with a fisherman
She doesn't care I've spent too much time on dry land
I forgot how to use my fins

A mermaid that can't swim
What a pathetic life it is
But she's cruel
She wont keep the boats around

So don't forget how to swim
Don't forget how to use your fins
We are strong us mermaids
Making deals with sea witches
Seducing men to their death
All fine folk tales
But you have to believe the myth
Always been strong

Because regardless of what Disney said
I can't grow legs
I'll always be a mermaid
But what use is it if I can't swim

When I learn how to swim again
I hope my fisherman will come back
I hope he hasn't sailed too far away

When I'm on deck of our boat again
We will dance and sing
Maybe have dogs
And flowers to remind us of land
A piano in the dining room
And guitars lining the walls
Music will echo
They can hear us from land
The happy fisher and his happy mermaid
Living together again

But storms always come
Because that's how nature works
It rains
It snows
It storms
Than the sun returns

This time when the storm comes
And makes waves that could touch the moon
And I get thrown overboard
I won't forget how to swim

I'll play with the fish
Make friends with sharks
And await the return of my beautiful fisherman

But you will always be my wind
My sun
The air in my lungs

But soon I will have gills
So I can breath when the water comes
You can't be my fins anymore
You can't be my dry land
You can't save me from drowning
Because mermaids are free
But if you want
You can be free with me

So please return my beautiful sailor
And we can live on our happy boat
And I'll be one with the sea
Because this sea is a part of me
So this is super long and I'm actually gonna write a full explanation of it because yeah I feel like that's needed. So I have depression, and I used my boyfriend to hide from it. But that all crashed when my depression took over and I couldn't hide anymore, and I was mad. I was mad at him, at myself, at the world. So I flipped, and it pushed him away. Hopefully not forever but I feel like ****. But I needed it, I need this. Because I realized that hiding won't make the depression go away, it'll always find you. And when it does it comes on full force. And this time no matter how much he loves you, he won't be able to save you because depression is a beast. It's a monster beyond any comprehension and it will tear you apart. Now that it returned and stronger than ever, I couldn't be saved. And I was mad, why had he made it go away before but this time he can't? I was mad, didn't he love me? Than why can't he save me? Well guess what, it doesn't matter. Love is beautiful and love is strong, but nothing can cure you from a mental illness. I forgot that. And I had grown so used to being able to hide from it I forgot how to live with it. I forgot how to be my own warrior and to fight for myself. I'm not a ******* damsel in distress, I'm not a poor soul that needs saving. I'm a warrior, I've lived with it this far and forgetting how to fight will only get me killed. Depression is the sea, and I'm a mermaid that fell in love with a fisherman. I live in the sea, the sea is a part of me, like depression. And I can't run from it because it won't go away. This isn't a Disney movie where I can sell my voice for legs and run away from the sea. I can't, I have fins, it's the way I am. I have scars, that's who I am. I'm not a normal person, I can't **** it up and be fine, I'm sick. I can't grow legs and run away, I can't live on a boat. And there will always be storms, nature will never be sunny forever. Depression will come back fighting. And when you get thrown overboard and start to drown because you forgot how to swim, don't be mad at you fisherman. His boat got thrown by the storm too. I forgot how to balance my mind, how to find harmony with my mind, and live with my depression. So I flipped. And it's not his fault, he can't fight depression either, it's so much bigger than all of us. But I forgot that. And now I'm drowning in this storm of depression without my fisherman because I got mad. But now I know that I have to learn how to fight for myself, because storms will always come. And if I drown every time I'm gonna lose my fisherman. So swimming is the only option. He isn't a prince, or an angel, or a savior. He's just a fisherman, and I ******* love him. Our boat (our relationship) has sailed away for now, but I'm praying it'll return. When I see my fisherman again, I will remember how to swim. So when depression knocks me back into the ocean, I won't drown. I go with the waves until it calms, than I hop back our boat. But anyway, there's a lesson for ya. Don't rely on other people to save you from depression, because it's impossible. And don't get mad when you forget that. Anyone who read this far (props to you if you did) and suffers from depression as well, DONT FORGET HOW TO SWIM. We're not regular people, but not in a bad way! We have fins and live in the sea, we fight all her terrible waves and storms and keep swimming. Because mermaids are ******* strong as **** hell yeahhhhhhh. And if you're reading this and you're someone's fisherman (or fisher lady) meaning you're significant other suffers from depression, remember we're on this boat together and smooth sailing is not always a garuntee. So don't get mad at your mermaid when they lose it, the sea is just gettin a little crazy. Just remember, when they drown, you can't save them. Because depression (the sea) is stronger than anything, so don't feel bad. Don't feel like a bad boyfriend or girlfriend, don't feel like you're not good enough, all you have to do is wait for the storm to pass. Because you're only human and depression is a force much stronger than that. But human isn't bad, it's beautiful and perfect, hell yeah you a great fisherman. But fisherman cannot control the weather. So just wait out the storm. And Jesse, you're the best fisherman there is (I'm sorry that's so lame) and sometimes mermaids are stupid. But don't dock your boat because I'm learning how to swim again, and I won't forget when I get knocked overboard again. I love you always, and come around again, I'll be swimming just fine and ready to get back on our boat. I love you
Lizzy
Written by
Lizzy
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