I just want you to know
that my favorite black shirt makes me look skinnier than I am
I never smile with teeth because my teeth aren't perfect
My eyelashes aren't that long without my mascara

I want you to know that I'm happy most days but I'm sad most nights
I take sleeping pills because I'm always worrying too much to sleep on my own
I cry alot. Mostly over my father's betrayal.

I want you to know that I love you more than myself
I find myself avoiding mirrors most days
I know you think I'm beautiful but I will never believe it.

I want you to know that on those really bad days when I can't even get out of bed, even when your hugs and holding my hand can't brighten my dead eyes, take me to the ocean and let the darkness of my heart be taken away each time the water meets the shore.