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Dec 2019
In morning hours my eyes open
Hurricane starts right away
Cannot stand on unsteady feet
Guess this is the price I pay
Living the past I loved
Abyss of pain
Moments gone
Loneliness the only thing
I truly depend upon
I cannot believe in hollow words
Or your beloved higher power
I can't see it with my two eyes
In my thoughts won't flower
Yet it is hard to wake up by myself
Solitude wears down sanity
Gathers on your possessions
Cursed to repeat this exhausting routine
Hateful emptiness rains onto me
Hate my body
Mind
Heart
And soul
Not for any person around
For the days taking control
I scream at the world letting me fall
Will for faltering under stress
Did smiling become a daunting task?
Do fatigued muscles need more rest?
I do not choose to be unhappy
With a permanent dusty scowl
I open my mouth to speak
Voice sounds more like a growl
I feel hatred bubbling over
With care try to keep it sealed in
The world is chock-full of reminders
Everything will never be the same again
Flat soda filling my coffee mug
Flat broke wishing my pulse would flatline
Mirror's angle exposing each flaw
Life I'm ready to decline
I am a terrible excuse for a person
In a museum of a house
All the rooms are testaments
To lonely feelings I no longer rouse
Living with bruised ego
Legs
And knees
Delayed reflexes
Lay down pride
Funny thing is I'm not a captive
Door is open wide
But I'm a bird
My wings are broken
Irony is that I can't fly
I breathe fresh air on my lonely perch
Love enough to make me cry
Caged in a pool created from tears
Can barely stay afloat
I'm on a flimsy raft
I'm in need of a sturdier boat
Every overwhelming day I face is terrible
People watching how I react
Stuck inside a glass cage
My prison is under attack
I did not end it very well I will admit haha
Amanda
Written by
Amanda  24/F/Alaska
(24/F/Alaska)   
111
 
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