sometimes it feels like

I have so many people around me
but I am so alone.

that I am happy and healthy,
but I feel disease creeping through my bones.

that I want to run
but my body is heavy and numb

I'm so hot
I'm too cold

I'm too young to die
but too unsure to be old

like being trapped in a bubble
panicking, wanting free

trying to ground myself
in some sort of familiarity.

lump in my throat
body twitching in bed

how can I feel too alive
yet feel
so dead.